Unsupportive Parents

Carmen, I agree. Leslie, I am sure your parents are just concerned for you and thats what good parents do! Who are we to tell you to wait, if you love him and he loves you and YOU are sure that this is what you want then do it. It's your decision in the end. Good luck.

Carmen, at least to me it isn't that it's a control issue. My parents told FH when he asked "What difference would it make if we said no?" And he told them "None at all. I just want to know what the answer is." They didn't mean it that they don't approve, but they were kind of confused that he asked. I felt it important to ask my parents because we're close and they're looking at the relationship from a third perspective. I knew at 19 I could potentially be making a really stupid decision because I was too emotionally involved. Their response wouldn't have been the final decision, but if they had raised a valid point, I certainly would have thought about it and considered that before we got engaged. If the reason wasn't, I would have disregarded.

Well that's exactly what I'm saying. My dad was of the mindset of, "My answer isn't going to make a difference, so why are you asking me?"

Now if my dad had said, "I don't approve because I witnessed you robbing my house." or something...that's a different story. I just don't get how people can listen to their parents go, "Just because I don't feel at peace about it" and think that's a good enough reason. That's like saying, "Because I said so," ya know? To me, that's not enough of a reason to go, "Oh okay well I won't get married then."

Often times, parents and people on the outside see things we don't. I was defensive and blinded by love and determined to prove them wrong. But the only person i was trying to fool was myself. Then I spent 8 years unhappy just to not admit being wrong. Please take your time and never believe that there isn't some thing "better" out there. The right one is there, you just have to be patient. If he is the right one, then wait and be sure of it. Otherwise be prepared for the consequences. It really, really should feel right, not just think it could be right.

I think your parents can only dictate if you allow them. I also think that because I'm not "in love", translate, "in lust" with someone, I can look at them clearly. Having been married for 25 years and knowing what it takes to make a marriage work, I may see aspects of his personality that will make your life together harder. I know that I can't control my kids, but I also know that they respect my opinion. I went through the same thing...twice...before I married my husband at 27. If I had married either one of those guys at 21 and another at 25, I would probably be divorced today. I'm glad I waited, and it was very, very hard because there is a lot of pressure to get married and especially when you're waiting for the wedding night and not the type to live together. There are lots and lots of people out there like Rev Bev who wish they had listened, but were too stubborn to think that they could possibly love anyone else. Good Luck!