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Shaina
Expert October 2020

Unattractive=quarantine

Shaina, on May 10, 2020 at 8:25 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 64
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My FH & I don’t live together and are separated during this this whole thing. He recently told me that he is unattracted to me because of the distance. I have no idea if this is normal and I can’t stop crying.




64 Comments

  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    That is definitely not normal and it sounds like you deserve better than someone who would say you are unattractive.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen Online ·
    • Flag

    Yeah that is not normal. If anything, he should miss you more. I would talk to him and really do some soul searching before marrying him. I am so sorry this is happening.

    • Reply
  • Stefanie
    Savvy May 2022
    Stefanie ·
    • Flag
    Not normal! You deserve better.
    • Reply
  • Brianne
    Savvy August 2020
    Brianne ·
    • Flag
    So not normal! Girl 💔
    • Reply
  • Rebelle Fleur
    VIP January 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
    • Flag
    This is not normal. During the time that you’re married you’re going to go through much more trials than distance, as all relationships do. If being away from you caused him to say such mean things to you I’d put some serious thought into the future of the relationship. You need to have a conversation with him about how much his words have affected you. He may be going through something but it still do want give him the right to take it out on you. I don’t understand how distance can cause this. Pick your head up and wipe your tears darling, self love is the best love.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag

    What? That makes no sense. How can you find someone less attractive due to distance??? Unless English isn't his first language so he did not mean to say those exact words, this is an unbelievable red flag to me. I think I would ask him to clarify and if any more nonsense came out of his mouth, it would be over for me. You deserve much better.

    • Reply
  • Shaina
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
    • Flag
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    I asked him why he hasn’t flirted with me through text or calls. Asked for sexy pictures etc and that’s what he said. He said he just watches porn. He then went into saying that he’s lazy and just doesn’t want to put any work in to doing things like sex, going for walks, trying to meet up for a social distance date etc.


    I just asked him if being unattracted to me during the quarantine makes him want someone else. He said “no I think I just miss you” I don’t know what to do or think
    • Reply
  • Jai Butcher
    Rockstar May 2020
    Jai Butcher ·
    • Flag
    That would bother me if my FH told me I was unattractive. That would make me question things. Before we started living together, when we lived apart, that would make me want him more physically. I would def revisit this conversation with him because that is a red flag
    • Reply
  • Kimberly
    Expert October 2020
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    This isn’t normal. This laziness excuse is a cop out and it seems like you need to tell him exactly how that “unattractive” comment was 100% hurtful and uncalled for. Also I read something similar to this that might have some good advice for you - it talks about how laziness impacts a relationship. The link is below. Hope things get better. https://www.kevinathompson.com/work-ethic/
    • Reply
  • E
    Devoted August 2020
    Elle ·
    • Flag

    That is horrible!!! I am so sorry he said that to you!

    • Reply
  • Sweetness
    March 2022
    Sweetness ·
    • Flag

    Me and my man are long distance, and we don't do sexting or photos either. But we spoke on it before, and he said he doesn't like to talk about those things, because they make him miss me more, and he gets frustrated and upset because he can't do those things with me.

    I wonder if that is what he means? Are you guys long distance by chance?

    • Reply
  • Nefetera
    Rockstar March 2015
    Nefetera ·
    • Flag
    That doesn't seem normal at all its very in normal to me. Just bc u guys aren't together during this time. Sounds as if its more going on...hope his not getting cold feet...sorry u going thru this...try talking with him to get to the bottom of this
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle Online ·
    • Flag
    What? How can he be Unattracted to you cause of the shelter in place? That makes no sense but also... dump him. Red flag.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    That’s a good article! And so very true.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Red flag. He’s telling you how he is: lazy. No man who wants to keep his woman says he doesn’t want to put effort into sex, going for walks, dating. He is showing you a preview of marriage. Do you really want this???


    I learned real fast when I was younger that when a guy says something negative about himself “I’m a jerk” or “I’m a player” it’s true and he says it to excuse that behavior and see if you’ll put up with it. Please do not. You are worthy of a true partner. ❤️
    • Reply
  • Shaina
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
    • Flag
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    No we’re not long distance we live like 10 minutes away :/
    • Reply
  • Shaina
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I’m so lost on what to do because I love him so much. There are a lot of weird controlling invasive stuff with his family but I got used to it and ignored it but I love him so much and we planned so much together. Invested so much in the wedding day and our future plans. Even my dress
    • Reply
  • Sierra
    Savvy May 2021
    Sierra ·
    • Flag
    Run for the hills, girl. I hate to be blunt, but beauty only fades with time. If he’s telling you he’s not attracted to you now, imagine what horrible things he will say or do once you’ve been married a while, have had kids (if you intend on doing that), and have aged.


    Controlling, invasive in-laws are just the wicked icing on a poison cake. You deserve sooooo much better. If someone loves you, they will make an effort to make you feel loved, special, and beautiful each and every day. If they don’t do that, they’re not the one for you.
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    I don’t quite understand the idea of lacking attraction during quarantine. But wow... sorry to hear that.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    A divorce will be a lot more money and stress than a wedding.


    If you’re not ready to throw in the towel, tell him you’re very concerned about your relationship and would like both of you to go to counseling before taking your lifelong vows. If he refuses, you’ll have your answer.
    I know this sucks, but if you weren’t concerned in your heart, you wouldn’t be here. I’m so sorry, hon.
    • Reply

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