Two events in one day.. can we skip ceremony?

If you don't mind the driving, I would do the reunion and skip the ceremony, then go to the cocktail hour and reception. Generally, I don't like that if people skip it just because, but you have a reason. I'd just RSVP yes to the wedding and just attend the 2nd part of it.

I would either split up or leave the reunion early. I personally think it's rude to only show up to someone's wedding reception and not the ceremony

View Quoted Comment That’s what I’m leaning towards most! I just didn’t wanna look like an ass if we only go to the reception lol. Thank you for your input!

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I agree with this! It's not like y'all overslept or are apathetic towards the cousin's wedding ceremony, so I think it's fine to just make it in time for the reception. They should understand! I mean you guys are in the process of combining y'all's own families, and you're trying to attend both events! I personally don't see what splitting up to attend both events in their entirety would accomplish...I mean it would check boxes for y'all individually (he would get to see his side, you would get to see your side), but it wouldn't check any boxes for y'all as a couple. And you'd be in the same situation as today....if your wedding was tomorrow, the bride would be meeting some of the groom's family members for the first time, and vice versa. As long as you don't walk into the reception during the couple's grand entrance (haha!), I don't know that the couple will even know that you missed the ceremony.

I don’t know... how would you feel about someone skipping your ceremony and then showing up for the drinks and food and then have them give you a reason saying they had another event to attend? Its entirely up to you, but I would maybe run it by the couple first. That way they don’t set up chairs for you, or extra passed hors d’oeuvres during cocktail hour, if you’re only going for dinner. I personally would just pick 1 even to go to if there’s a major time crunch attending both. Do you plan on inviting this couple to your wedding? If you don’t, then I think it might be even more offensive if you only showed up for the meal in the long run. If you can’t make the ceremony for 445, The ceremony doesn’t usually last anything more than 30 minutes unless it’s a specific religion. odds are you’d be pushing it to get there by cocktail hour if you planned on staying longer at the reunion. then you mentioned you had to go home first to get ready. After the reunion. You may feel extremely out of place if you show up in the middle of first course. Others may also find it a bit uncouth.

Personally, I think you should ask the couple first. I think it’s rude to only go to the wedding for the free food when that’s the part of the wedding to thank guests for going to the ceremony. I would try to go to both and have your fiancé meet as many of your family as he can at your reunion and then go to the ceremony and reception. Plus if you only go to the reception it sends the message that your family reunion was more important than his family’s wedding, which isn’t a good look.
I’d personally okay be okay with this if my guests ran it by me first or at least told me their reasoning. Otherwise I’d just want them to RSVP no.

Skip the wedding. You said you both don’t interact with the relative getting married so there isn’t any obligation to go. It sounds like the invite was obligatory if you don’t communicate or interact on a regular basis. Send a card if you wish but that’s not required either. In addition, it’s rude to attend the reception only. It’s really no different from people having small/private ceremonies with a huge reception afterwards which many here suggest doing for other situations without batting an eye, but is being presented as bad in your situation. You can’t have it both ways.

Go to the reunion.

I had friends miss the ceremony and attend the cocktail hr/reception. That didnt bother me one bit. What bothered me was RSVPing yes, coming to the ceremony and cocktail hr and then leaving right as dinner was being served. 4 plates paid for and wasted.
I think splitting the day and doing the reunion in the early afternoon then cocktail hr and reception in the evening is fine.

View Quoted Comment Actually, though you hear it a lot on WW, the reception is NOT a thank you to people who came to the ceremony. And standard etiquette is that it is okay to have a small private ceremony, and then invite a large group for the reception and meal ( not thanking them for anything.) Or to attend either part, but not the other, for any good reason.
( many do it if of a different religion, and those who do not dance or drink may not politely tell their hosts that ( make it seem they are poor hosts) but are "supposed to" indicate the will attend the ceremony, but not eating a meal as they will not be able to be at the reception, no reason given. Though you may not care about standard etiquette a lot of people do and would be greatly upset to be shut out of one if missing the other. That is usually only done if the ceremony is the first 15-30 minutes of the reception, in the same place. Look onan Emily Post or Miss Manners standard manners.

I think a wedding trumps a reunion any day. I also think it's rude to skip the ceremony and go to the reception. If you run it by the couple, I doubt they'll say to your face that you need to attend the ceremony.


That being said, if these cousins aren't close, and it seems like an obligatory invite, and you'd both prefer to attend the reunion, send a gift with regrets.

I would keep the reunion plans til you have time with a little extra ( so you cannot be late), then go directly to the reception. And ship or hand deliver your gift before the wedding, as is usual.

I would just go to reception only then.

View Quoted Comment I understand what you’re saying, but this is not the case at all in the situation. It’s one thing if the couple getting married only sends reception invitations to people. Then that’s totally fine because that’s what the couple wants. It’s a whole other situation when you have people invited to the full wedding and only show up for the free meal. The reception at that point is most certainly a thank you for attending the ceremony. I also think op has to realize that the reception is not for them to benefit off of meeting family members. It’s not about them that day. It’s about the couple that’s getting married. Also, whether or not open the cares, she’s not close to these people and she doesn’t know all of their friends. They make it very awkward looks the entire night showing up randomly and introducing each other to the family as if it’s all about them.

Personally I wouldn't be offended if you only came to the reception and if its family you don't see often at the reunion I would do the reunion and go to reception.

I can't believe everyone saying it's okay to skip the ceremony. I would be highly offended if guests willingly came to my reception and not my ceremony. The reception is the thank you for attending the ceremony. If you will see these folks at your wedding, skip the reunion. If the reunion is more important to you, skip the wedding altogether and attend only the reunion.

View Quoted Comment Agree completely. A lot of people feel that manners are updated with the times at their whim.
Do not attend an event for anyone out of obligation (aka pressure to please others). If you don’t interact with cousins at any other time in your life, skip the entire wedding, not just the ceremony. You can’t pick and choose which to attend.

Skip the wedding altogether.

Skipping the ceremony is super rude, and it's nothing to do with being a "thank you" to guests for attending the ceremony (I don't agree with that line of thinking. Receptions are a celebration of what just took place, not a thank you. It's like housewarming parties - you aren't thanking your friends when you feed them at a housewarming party, you are inviting them to celebrate with you.)

It is rude because you are saying, "I don't have time for your whole wedding nonsense, but I will definitely be there for the free food and drink."

While that isn't your intention - you simply want to be able to embrace both - that is the message it sends.

It also sounds like the wedding invitation came after you had already committed to the reunion (unless I misread?) so it makes sense that the reunion should take priority. You had a prior engagement. If they ask why you aren't attending the wedding, that's what you should say - you had already committed to another event before receiving their invitation. No one should expect you to rescind an RSVP, regardless of what kind of event it is.

How close is your fiance with his cousin? If it were my wedding and a guest/couple I was close to had a conflict the same day but wanted to try to make a part of our event, I would absolutely consider it. I would find it very rude if they just showed up late though, and if it was guests I wasn't particularly close to I'd probably just rather they not come than come to just part of the event. If your fiance is close with his cousin (even if they rarely see each other), then it's worth a conversation. If not, then you should probably just skip the event, as it sounds like the reunion is more important to you.

Whether or not you and your fiance pick one event to go to together or divide and conquer is totally up to you.

Also an RSVP date six weeks before a wedding is a bit odd, unless its an international/destination wedding. If I were on the fence, that in itself would be enough to make me decline.

I would choose one event over the other. Skipping the ceremony is rude! If someone had skipped my ceremony to attend a family reunion and only showed up at the reception, I would not have been happy... Either decline the wedding and go to the reunion, or decline the reunion and go to the wedding. Or, leave the reunion early in order to make it to the ceremony on time.

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I think once the invitation is issued, the would be guest can treat it like any other, without second guessing possible states of mind of guests they will be introduced to, and what they think. The couple invited them, so they are not an unwelcome burden on others, because they have rarely met......... I don't see any way a couple's celebration day is diminished , if someone misses a part, as long as they enter at the intermission between parts. Most couples do not know, much less care, who enters after the ceremony, unless they are told? So how do they miss them ? For any couples who do care, they have always had the option of sending an invitation for the ceremony only, and giving a reception card only to those who attend the ceremony. But most people choose not to do this. Far more, have smaller private family ceremonies, and deliberately invite more to the reception, than issue invitations where only those who go to the ceremony may go on to the reception. .... And last, what is this stuff about missing the ceremony and " only showing up for the free meal? " The reception is usually 4.5 -5 hours after a 30-45 minute ceremony. They are showing up for 80% or more, and the entire social time.