Two Different Bridal Showers?

Multiple showers (one for each side of the family, and even one for just friends) is very common. Is there a specific reason you are opposed to it? It shouldn't be extra work for you...you should literally just have to show up. It would also give you more one-on-one personal time with each guest rather than trying to tackle one huge group. If you are definitely opposed, the moms will have to figure out how to partner together.

There is nothing wrong with having multiple showers and it's quite common. It's very sweet for FMIL to want to have one for you as well.

This did not happen for my first wedding (separate showers) but when it came time for the baby shower , I did get two showers, one for each side of the family. Some bad blood had happened and it just made things easier so i was fine with it. I would let it happen to avoid any bad blood to start with!

It really just depends on the size of your guest list and who wants to throw you a shower. I’ve been to plenty where they only had one for both sides.
Both of our mom’s decided it would be best to do 2 separate because they both want to invite a lot of people. For me, personally, I feel with 2 showers it will be less overwhelming because I can spend more time with each person at each shower. If we had 1 shower with 80 people I wouldn’t be able to visit with everyone.
So it’s common to just do 1 shower but it’s also common to have multiple showers. It just depends on your social circle

My aunt who hosted showers for both my sisters offered to host my shower right away, mainly for my side and close friends. My fiance's dads girlfriend (his parents are divorced and his mom lives in Alabama) offered to host a shower for his side at Thanksgiving. I figure it will give me a chance to get to know his side better and take a little stress of meeting a ton of new people at the wedding.

It’s very common to have multiple showers. The bride’s family/friends will host one, the groom’s family/friends will host one. Your coworkers, book club, church, girlfriend group, etc will host others. This is common so don’t stress. Every group and family has their own customs so let them decide what they want to do. They will ask you for a date when you are available and possibly a list of people you want to invite. The bride doesn’t contribute anything else to planning. Just sit back and enjoy being pampered.

Not tradition at all. It’s tradition for the mother of the bride to host one for the bride, as it’s her daughter and sticking to tradition it’s not coed. It’s just women, being women and having laughs about the things you keep top priority in your marriage.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your input Stacey!
One reason we wanted to have just one shower was because we are getting married in December. We thought that with the holidays and getting last minute stuff for the wedding, it could be too hectic to have multiple parties.
My fiancé also comes from a divorced family, so I know it’s really important for him to have everyone together since it rarely happens.

It's common for each side of the family to throw a shower, especially if they're in different locations and travel isn't possible, or if one side of the family is bigger than the other. Same for baby showers. There's also the chance of work shower. I only had one shower, which my sister/MOH planned, but we invited my MIL and three sisters-in-law. Sadly, they all had other plans for that weekend.

In my experience, it's only common to have multiple showers if family members and friends are in very different locations. This is why I had two showers--a local shower in the city where I currently live, and a shower in my hometown, which was all the way across the country. The showers were thrown by different people and the guest lists did not overlap. In my family and social circle, it is not at all common to have separate showers for the bride's side of the family and the groom's side of the family if everyone lives in the same location. In these cases, the bride and groom's family members (or whoever is hosting the shower) generally join forces and throw one shower together. Again, I am only speaking from my own experience (I've probably attended around 30 showers). I have personally never known anyone to have separate showers for the bride's side of the family and the groom's side when everyone lives in the same location. But based on the other comments in the thread, this does seem to be common in other social circles!

I'll go against the grain here and say that I have never been to a shower that was only for one side of the family and my shower included both sides. It's a great way for your and his families to meet and get to know each other. It's very nice of your FMIL to want to throw you a shower. Regardless of whether or not it's common if it's not what you both want FMIL needs to respect your wishes.

For my first wedding, I had two showers... one that my mother hosted including her friends and the 2nd one with my friends. So, I don’t see anything wrong with your FMIL’s idea and having 2 shower. I think there’s a notion that the two families will merge and mingle at these different wedding events. But that not usually the case. People are drawn to who they know and are comfortable with. Of course there will be introductions and simple chitchat. But the idea that the 2 families will “get to know each other” at these pre- events (or at the wedding) isn’t realistic.


Do you plan to mix members of the two families together at tables during the reception as well? Typically couples separate the families by tables and sometimes on different sides of the room. So your FMIL’s shower idea isn’t much different than that.

It's fine to have more than one shower.

View Quoted Comment This exactly. You can wish and hope they will intermingle and get to know each other at pre wedding events but it almost never happens

Agree it’s relatively common and OK to have more than one shower, but IMO the bigger issue here is your FMIL being pushy and controlling. Offering to host a shower is nice - saying she’s going to do it anyway after you already said no is a huge red flag.


You said you don’t want more than one shower and you have your reasons for that (I’m with you BTW, it was stressful for me to give up just one weekend day a month before my wedding for my shower - no way I’d give up two days if I was having a December wedding and had the holidays plus wedding planning to deal with). So if it’s really important to you to only have one shower, I’d say thank you so much for offering, but we are not up for multiple parties leading up to the wedding. We would love it if you could attend the shower my mom is organizing - and she would love to co-plan it with you if you’d like. You can find ways to involve her or let her throw a party that’s much farther out from the wedding or find some other compromise, but I wouldn’t simply roll over on this - you don’t want to set a precedent that you’ll do things that make you uncomfortable just because your MIL insists.
If you do decide to go back to her with another no, you and your FH will need to be a united front so I’d recommend talking it over with him first, agreeing on what you’re going to say and then delivering the message together. Good luck!