Two bachelor parties (venting)

What is your concern? That he's spending 2 weekends with his friends and not with you? You're about to share your life with this guy, 2 weekends apart should be no issue (assuming that's the issue).

That said, you can feel whatever you want, but these are not events you're hosting and you're not even invited (not to sound mean). So, let it go. There is not much you can or should do.

Also, nobody is saying 2 bachelor parties are necessary. Even one is not. But, again not your party/parties, you're not the host or even a guest.

I think this is a decision your FH and his GM get to make. If this is what they want to do, then I don't see what the problem is. It's really nice, in my opinion, that they want to do two celebrations for your FH. Sounds like he has some really great friends who are excited for him.

I kind of had two bachelorette parties. One of my friend group likes to throw a lingerie shower for someone who is getting married. Two of my BMs are part of that group, and even though I swore up and down that the one who now lives out of state and the other two BP members who also lived out of state didn't have to come to anything but the wedding, they all decided they wanted to be a part of it and forward in for the weekend. They kept it a secret from me until they emailed me their flight reservations and asked if they could stay with me. I was so surprised, touched, and humbled. Bachelorette party two was my MOH planning a bunch of fun stuff the day before the wedding and she and my BMs kidnapped me for the morning and early afternoon, plus more relaxing activities to do at the hotel after the RD. No one was forced to do this stuff. They chose to plan what worked for them.

It doesn't sound as though your FH's GM are being forced to do anything they don't want to or aren't able to do. It doesn't sound like your FH has agreed to anything that he doesn't want to do. It's one extra overnight trip that's within driving distance. If your FH is excited about it, I'd simply just let him enjoy the celebrations his friends have planned for him.

This is a big overreaction IMO.

This is a party planned by your GM for your FH. You shouldn't be involved in any of it, therefore, you shouldn't have an opinion. It's not like he's going out the night before your wedding.

View Quoted Comment You don’t need to be convinced, and you can feel however you want to feel, but you can’t, IMO, tell your fh not to go to the second party without causing possible friction in your relationship with him and definite friction in your relationship with his friends.

I'll add something to this. FH and I live in a different state than his family and friends. he lived here for years before we even met but as long as we have been together it has been a point of contention that we spend ALOT of time travelling back there to see people (talking at minimum every other weekend if not more). I've voiced recently that I feel like we need to do it less because we have a home and a dog now and its too much to be leaving every weekend and spending the whole weekend there. And that it would be nice to have people come to us occasionally. So when I heard they wanted to throw a second party and that it would be in his hometown, it just bothered me. Almost none of these people that are throwing this party have been to visit us once in the 8 years we've been here. I get that it may seem like overreacting to you but its been something we have struggled to balance so I think maybe it just pushed my buttons more than I expected it to.

@sarah agreed, im not going to tell him what to do at all, just venting i guess.

View Quoted Comment

Nothing is necessary about a wedding except a license and an officiant. And honestly, I don't see why you need to be convinced of anything. Sounds more like a control issue to me. You have the rest of your lives to be together, it's just one more night. Time to be like Elsa and let it go. It's really not worth the headache.

I'm not buying the "busy with wedding stuff" reason. By that time, most big things are taken care of and decisions have been made. If you need his help, do it the weekend before or after. Schedule things like your dress fitting for the weekend that he is gone, things that don't really involve him or need his participation. I would be happy for him that he has what sounds like a great group of friends.

You may feel like his party is not needed, but he and his GM would probably say that the favors you would otherwise spend the weekend crafting together are also unneeded.

As everyone has said you are DEFINITELY overreacting. it's not like they are pulling this idea out at the very last minute and taking away time you already had planned for something else. Since you are aware of it now, well before hand- you can plan accordingly to be able to get things done you either A. Don't need your FH for or B. Have him set some extra time aside during the week to help before he leaves.

There is no reason to be upset that there will be two bachelor parties.

@Daria not doing favors

View Quoted Comment

They aren't necessary, but who cares?? It also shouldn't be forbidden that he has two... I still don't get what the issue is.

I had concerns over my FH bachelor party and I voiced them. Then I was told to butt out. So I did. It has been stress free for me since then lol.

@Anne didn't say it was forbidden.

I feel like a lot of the comments are putting words in my mouth. I said i was venting and that I was annoyed. I never said i would tell my FH what to do, that i did not trust him, that i get to dictate his actions, or that he cannot spend time with his friends.

Only you can answer that question, if you're not comfortable with it tell him. You're about to be in a marriage and if he doesn't take your feelings in consideration then you already know what type of husband you have.

View Quoted Comment

Where did I say that you said that? That was just me speaking. I think you're getting a little sensitive because people aren't agreeing with you that it's unnecessary for him to have 2.

For perspective, I would do ANYTHING to live a little over an hour to visit family. When I lived in AZ, I didn't expect my family and friends to visit me from the east coast. I visited them. It was cheaper to go visit a bunch of people, rather than a bunch of people all have to say to come see me. With your situation, it sounds like in one short trip, you and your FH get to see a bunch of his family and friends. Sounds pretty efficient to me.

We now live 6-7 hours driving from my family. DH is totally willing to drive over 3 hours to meet them in the middle or make the full drive down there several times a year. If we lived a little over an hour away, though, you bet we'd be planning to visit often.

@Anne sorry i was not directing that all at you, other people have said things.

I'm good, im not sensitive. i get that everyone thinks im overreacting, i just want to make it clear that i did not say those things.

Also - a little over an hour isn't even that long of a drive. DH grew up about that far away from where we live now and we go visit his friends and family all the time and come home the same day.

View Quoted Comment

For what it's worth, I probably should have said "It also shouldn't be a big deal that he has two" instead of using "forbidden"

@bluehenbride i totally get it, we are lucky to be close to them. but its been very one sided and between both of us working 50 hour work weeks during the week, its too much for us to have to have to travel to them so often with a house that we need to maintain.