Traditions & a catholic ceremony

Check with your church and see if they allow it. I wanted to do a unity cross but our church doesn't allow any extra unity ceremony. They say the wedding itself is the unity ceremony!

Will your priest let you do this? To be perfectly honest, the first time I saw this was at a wedding a couple of years ago, and the best thing about it was that the bride almost set herself on fire and brought some levity to the ceremony. It wasn't a Catholic ceremony though.

We decided not to do the unity candle. When talking with our priest, he straight up told us, and I'm quoting here, "It's a big scam. They're all made in China and the church doesn't see a dime of any of it. Have the candle, don't have the candle, I don't give a shit."

Best. Priest. Ever.

@reirei-is your priest a Jesuit? He reminds me of a couple of the ones we had as kid.

I'm a C&E catholic at best if at all and no it is not a Catholic thing.

We're having a catholic ceremony and the unity candle is not allowed But we didn't want it anyways

Jessie, nope, he's just a really down to earth irish catholic

I honestly hope our priest responds that way @reirei!! That way I don't have to lie and say it's not allowed. I just think it's a waste of time! & holds no meaning to me.

Our priest actually asked us if we wanted to do a unity candle. We didn't end up doing it.

I'd totally use the priest as an excuse though if you don't want to do one.

I have never been to a catholic wedding that didn't do the candle ceremony! Traditionally al the unity candle is then used for the christening candle ceremony if there are any children. We didn't have a catholic ceremony but still did the candles, I made them myself. I always think the candles are a nice way to include family. At every wedding mass I've been too, the two mothers light the individual tapers at the start of the mass, then during the wedding ceremony section of the mass around the time of the vows the couple light the unity candle from the two tapers that are beside it. Some blow out the tapers some don't depending on how you view the whole ceremony. But then I live in Ireland, I'm hearing more regularly on ww that American priests sometimes do things a bit different.ETA: sorry went off point, it's your wedding though, if you don't want to do one don't let your FMIL sway you.

I think Unity Candles get mentioned in the "Together For Life" booklet my priest gave us, and that it's not part of the ceremony unless really desired and permitted by the church. Maybe ask her why she wants that, is it because other people have done it or just likes the imagery? One option is to have you and DH light a candle at your church during your photoshoot. We did win a Crucifix at Pre-Cana and are having the priest bless it, which will hopefully only take 30 seconds.

We were told at pre cana that the church is trying to move away from the unity candle stuff.

They actually recently removed the unity candle from the catholic ceremony, which is why we didn't do it.

@jessie- lol about the bride!! With my luck, that'll probably happen. We are meeting with our priest again next month so it's absolutely something I'll ask.

@maria- that's interesting. Maybe it's a cultural tradition? She is requesting that she and my mom light the candle. I'm trying to make a good compromise by maybe doing this during rehearsal or before the ceremony begins

Michelle- I guess what bugs me is that it's not even traditional on FH side. She just thought "it'd be cute". I'm not about to do everything just because it's "cute" haha. I like the photo idea though! That's another option for a good compromise

Renee and Leah- you ladies are giving me more hope! Haha ... best news ever.

We are having a catholic service. our church does not allow unity candles.

@julie perhaps it is I never thought of it before, being honest it's just always something that is done here. I suppose the father (traditionally walks the bride done the aisle) so It is a role for the mothers to feel included, I suppose it also represents each family as well. I was at one humanist wedding where they chose to do handfasting, I've been to three civil ceremonies (including my own) they did the candles, every other wedding has been catholic they all did it. If you are worried about it prolonging the ceremony and that's your only thing against it, I wouldn't worry. It doesn't take long. If you really don't like the idea of it though just don't have it, It is your wedding. Thinking about it this is how ingrained it is in ceremonies here -- that I never would realised that you could have a catholic wedding without it!!

It is not part of a Catholic wedding. I agree, with a mass especially, it adds too much to the ceremony. My best friend did it at the reception hall after they were introduced. One of the priests in attendance at the reception said a blessing and they lit the candles before the first dance. That might be a compromise.

You should ask your priest; not all churches will allow it.

Ummm probably shouldn't lie to FS about a small (in the grand scheme of things) detail about your wedding. Have you asked why it is important to her? Why exactly are you opposed to it other than that it will add five minutes to an already long ceremony?