Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

VIP April 2018

Traditions & a catholic ceremony

Flag
Hide content

Julie, on July 26, 2017 at 7:10 PM

Posted in Planning 25

My FMIL is adamant about having a unity candle. While I've seen it in movies/tv- I've never seen it done during a catholic ceremony so of course I google it and come to find that it gained popularity after being aired in an episode of General Hospital and holds no religious meaning. I really don't want to include it. I understand the symbolism and all but we're already having a full mass and don't want to prolong it with yet another addition. My FMIL is so sweet to the point it's hard to say no to things because she gets so excited about the wedding. I'm about to just say the priest won't approve of it (because I did find that some parishes will not allow this).

I guess this is more of a vent than anything but there are times like this where I'd rather just get married at city hall than argue about a stupid candle.

Show all

25 Comments

Beginner July 2017
Stacey · on July 26, 2017 at 9:59 PM
Flag

Hide content
My sister got married in a Catholic Church and she had a unity candle. But that was 12 years ago, sounds like they might be doing away with them.
We had a unity candle at our wedding and the minister told us that it represented the two of us becoming one in Christ, so there can be a religious significance to it. And it only took about 30 seconds.
All that being said, do what you want! If it isn't important to you then you shouldn't do it and I'm sure you can find a nice way to tell your future mother in law. In the end what's important is that you are married!! Congrats!
- Reply
Devoted October 2017
Michelle · on July 26, 2017 at 11:20 PM
Flag

Hide content
I wouldn't use "cute" to describe lighting a candle, but I get that she thinks it could be nice to include. Its one thing If it had significance to her family, but I think you're totally within your right to consider her suggestion, yet choose not to include it. My FMIL thinks it would be fun to have the dollar dance, which hasn't been done in either family, so I said "Hm, interesting." And it hasn't been brought it up since. This wedding planning process has been a great learning experience in tactfulness, confidence, and compromise!
- Reply
Master January 2017
Amanda · on July 26, 2017 at 11:32 PM
Flag

Hide content
Most churches won't allow this as it's not canonical and the Church officially suggests if you want to do it, to do it at the reception.
- Reply
Expert May 2017
Maybride · on July 26, 2017 at 11:37 PM
Flag

Hide content
I wonder if it is important to her to do the candles or to have a special role in the mass. Maybe the mom's can read prayers of the faithful (petitions) instead?
- Reply

VIP January 2018
V2O · on July 26, 2017 at 11:38 PM
Flag

Hide content
Our Church doesn't allow unity candles. In the booklet our priest gave us, it basically says "The Unity Candle is not necessary for the ceremony, save it for the reception" - My mom was appalled they don't allow it. It honestly doesn't bother me because we're having a full mass and then some (Mexican culture add ins which add on about an extra 10 minutes)
- Reply