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Devoted August 2020

To buy groom’s parents ty gift or not to buy?

Valerie, on April 28, 2021 at 3:22 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
We plan to pass out thank you gifts to our bridal party and my parents (who have contributed financially and my mom emotionally attending all the tastings, venue visits, dress appts, etc) but unsure if it would be awkward to exclude groom’s parents. Truth be told, they have not supported us in any way. No interest in the planning, no emotional support, no financial contribution, etc. I am not personally close with them so I asked hubby if he was planning on getting them something but he said he didn’t realize he had to. Should he? He’s not close with his father at all due to substance issues in his childhood and his dad being MIA. Should he get something for his mom? I plan to get my mom earrings and a getting ready robe (since she’ll be with us girls) and a nail salon gift card. And was potentially going to get my parents a gift card to a nice steak dinner as they are paying for the food and bar. I don’t feel like it’s my place to get his parents anything if I’m not close to them and esp if they haven’t shown any excitement about our marriage/ relationship. Thoughts?

12 Comments

Latest activity by RaylaSan, on April 29, 2021 at 12:37 AM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I don’t think you need to get her something, but I definitely wouldn’t present gifts to your entire wedding party and your parents in front of her if she’ll be the only one not receiving something.
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  • Emily
    Devoted June 2021
    Emily ·
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    I would say that’s a hard no — don’t waste your money on them. Just be kind and not present gifts in front of them.


    Your situation sounds quite similar. My husband’s mother and father are not attending our rescheduled covid wedding in June, nor did they ever attend the first one, nor did they even send a card about our marriage (let alone not pay a single cent while my parents shelled out everything) and now I have about 4 gifts for each of them in cute little bags. What a waste! Makes me so incredibly furious!!!
    I would save your money!!!!
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  • Grace
    Super February 2022
    Grace ·
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    If you have nothing to thank them for then you have no reason to give them a gift. No shame, no guilt, there is just no reason to do it.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I completely agree with this. And I just wanted to add that the thank you gifts are to thank the person for their contribution to the wedding planning process. If they didn't help (even emotionally), then there is nothing to thank them for.
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  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    I'm not giving gifts to either set of parents, just photos afterwards...is that bad?
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  • V
    Devoted August 2020
    Valerie ·
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    I guess to each their own? I never asked my parents for a dime or expected them to contribute financially but they did and it cost them a couple grand so I wanted to show my appreciation somehow. My mom and my sister have heard me talk about my wedding everyday for the past 2 plus years! They deserve something lol
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  • Melanie
    Dedicated June 2019
    Melanie ·
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    If his parents did not contribute at all financially, you don't need to give them anything. If you really want to give them something, just give them copies of the photos from the wedding. I know with my parents we gave them their gifts a couple days after our honeymoon, so that his parent's wouldn't know about them.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Parent gifts are never required and are part of the pressure to spend more money. I would skip them in this case.

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  • needmorewine
    Expert May 2016
    needmorewine ·
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    Parent gifts are to thank them for their love and support while growing up and during your lives in general, they are not related to contributions to the wedding. They don't have to be expensive. A nice picture frame or gift card to their favorite restaurant are fine. If you feel like you want to give extra to one set of parents because of their contributions just give those gifts in private. Don't make the other parents feel like second class citizens just because they didn't or couldn't contribute to an optional party.

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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    I think it’s OK to only get your parents a gift. However, I would not give it to them in front of everybody, and very obviously exclude FH’s parents. Give it to them in private.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I agree with everyone else that it's fine not to get them gifts but also to give your parents' gifts to them privately. There's no reason to make that a public presentation.

    But I also wanted to say, from one woman who married a man to another, don't fall into the trap of doing all of the emotional labor in your marriage. He can gift or not gift his parents and other family members as he chooses; you take care of your family members. You are not required to do all of the gifting work (on future holidays/gifting occasions) just because you are a woman.

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  • RaylaSan
    Expert February 2021
    RaylaSan ·
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    My husband and I are giving photo albums of our wedding to our parents as thanks.

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