Tiered Reception - Fact or Fiction?

Despite the fact that tiered receptions are horrible anyway...I never knew they existed until WW because I would never think to do such a thing...they invited people in the same circles to different portions of the reception! So some friends (and apparently parents) got the full invite, while other friends (R wasn't the only one) got the B list. Wow just wow. Big fat decline from them AND R's mom who is absolutely offended on their behalf.

Plus, who the hell do they think is still going to be hanging around the wedding SIX hours after it started? That's one long ass day.

That's BS. Either invite everyone or don't. As you've just demonstrated, it's the quickest way to lose friends.

Oh my gosh-- at least if you're going to do it, make sure you plan by group.

Okay, not that I AGREE with this, per se, but it is not fiction, my cousin did this for her wedding in May.

She had her Catholic ceremony at 2:00PM on a Saturday. A handful of people were invited, mostly family and the bridal party. There were maybe 75-100 people for the ceremony. Bridal party took off, we were told to go to the reception starting at 5, dinner at 6. Dinner started, and there were close to 200 people for dinner. 7-8PM rolls around and they set up for dancing, and by then, and I can't confirm but it was pretty obvious, that there were 300 people there.

It's the first time I've seen it, and I don't know that I like the idea of it, but my cousin told me later that most of the people in the later reception tier were most of her and her H's parents' friends and acquaintances, they weren't people that my cousin personally wanted to invite but had to because of they're parents. Or, they were people that either her or her H were friends with, but not the other.

ETA: Catholic weddings have to take place early in the day because of Saturday mass, so there is almost always that gap there which is used for the bridal party to take pictures-and for my mom and I to happy hour and do a tour of Lambeau field (we were in Green Bay)

We're having a smaller wedding (100) and we invited some people to the after party that we didn't invite to the wedding. I didn't think of it at the time, but I feel bad about it now. But we're havingoing an afternoon wedding and we knew some people wouldn't have been able to come.

In order of how little offended I would be personally:

1. Small, immediate family/close friends ceremony, bigger reception

2. inviting acquaintances and parent's friends to a tiered reception

3. Getting an invite like I stated above. Super offended. JUST NO.

Plus, I don't get why you have to invite acquaintances to the wedding anyway. The people we invites were those nearest and dearest to us.

They do this here in France. DH swears up and down that it's normal to invite people to just the cocktail hour, or just to have cake, or just the ceremony and that people don't get offended.

I. Don't. Get. It. Lol.

That is the strangest thing I have ever heard.

I would NEVER do something like that. If someone get's B listed, they shouldn't be invited IMO.

As for "R", I would be highly offended that they flew out for the bachelor party and then got B listed. I would have RSVPed No also.

That's just crazy!!!

With how they did the invites (as if you wouldn't talk to your MIL about going?), I almost wonder if they were hoping for a lot of declines.

This is never ok to do to close friends and family, especially to those who spent money on pre-wedding events. JC obviously has bad manners to think this is okay and is setting a terrible example to new brides.

In my opinion, this practice is rude. Invite everyone to the celebration!

If it were common, more than half would do it. It's a cheap shortcut to save $$.

Tiered reception: Fact in the UK. Generally you'll have the ceremony, cocktail hour and wedding breakfast (formal sit down meal) with your nearest and dearest then segue into the evening reception (dancing, bar, cake cutting, buffet supper), at which point you are joined by the more distant invitees - work colleagues of parents, second cousins, that guy you went to primary school with who you bumped into at the shops and felt bad about not inviting.

The key problems for me with the scenario presented by @MizizAngi is that they've invited everyone to the ceremony and expect them to wait around for an unreasonable amount of time and then come back. Evening guests are evening guests - you don't invite people to one portion, have them go away, and then come back again.

Also, you invite in circles - our day invitations went to all aunt and uncles and first cousins and then evening invitations went to second cousins and beyond - we're talking family that not even my DH has met. However, FMIL had generously contributed to the costs for our wedding so requested certain people got either full or evening invitations.

It certainly sounds like tiered receptions are a faux pas in the US though!

I can understand wanting an intimate ceremony and then extending the invitation for the reception out to everyone. But tiered, no way! IMO, if they're not close enough to you that you can't extend the invitation to the whole reception, they shouldn't be on the guest list.

Why would anyone want to go to the ceremony (even I think that most of the times this is the most boring part, except for mine of course, lol.....) and hang around for the whole day and then come back for dessert? I can't even imagine how someone wouldn't be insulted by that; it's not like they think you treated everyone this way....

Of course, I find it problematic that people actually think 300 people want to come to the wedding.

I've never even heard of a tiered reception. Geesh, that's a LONG day.

I've never even heard of a tiered reception. Geesh, that's a LONG day.

@FutureMrsDean - my ceremony was at 1pm and the last of our guests left just before 2am. I was dead on my feet, especially as I had been up at 6am to be ready for hair and makeup!

Our wedding was a Friday so some guests declined the day but came for the evening reception from 7.30pm, all ready to party and make full use of the open bar! It was exhausting!

@Celia - exactly. Plus it's not cheap to be a guest at a wedding. Unless it's someone close to me, why would I want to dress up, buy a card and gift (or give cash), and spend my Saturday evening listening to your drunk BM's speech and watching you dance with your dad? No thank you, I would rather spend it at home with my dogs and a nice bottle of wine.

Personally I would be offended if someone did that to me. I don't understand why you would invite someone to your ceremony but not the reception or vice versa. If they are close enough to invite to your ceremony you should also feed them too. Ridiculous!