The "it's my day" phrase

For me it's a catch 22. It is our day (FH and I). Simple as that. I am paying for it. Therefore, I will look to make it the best celebration that I possibly can. Yet, without my guests the wedding will not be the same. You want your loved ones to be there with you to enjoy your day with you. I have said this a few times. Not out of selfishness. Since the planning of this event, I have had many spectators criticize any and all decisions that I have made for this wedding. I am actually quite generous and I should not have to explain why this event means so much to me. Yet, it appears that I have to at times.

First off, it was never "my" day--at a minimum, it was NotFroofy's and my day.

Second, it was our day only up to the point that we decided to have guests. Once we did, it was our obligation to make the day enjoyable for them, too. Obviously, you can't please every guest. But we tried to the best of our ability to make things enjoyable for all of them.

Ugh I hate that phrase. I think it's generally overused by brides who are trying to justify selfish, rude, or lazy behavior towards their family, friends and guests.

However - I think context is key. Like in FMC's example - girl and FH are days from their wedding and a family member is causing drama and demanding attention that she just doesn't have to give right now. In that case, when someone ELSE is being selfish and ridiculous, I think it's fine to gently remind them it's "your" wedding (plural "your"), you're emotional/nervous enough and you need their support, and that as much as you care about them you just don't have the time or energy to accommodate their needs at the moment.

I disagree about the "it's about the two families" Alyshia P. My family was not at our JOP ceremony and will not be at our vow renewal for many reasons. The least terrible being that they disapprove of me marrying outside of my race and ethnicity. So ours was not about the two families becoming one, but about us wanting and vowing to be together.

I would say it is the couple's wedding day, and if they choose to share it with guests they need to be gracious hosts, or if they choose to allow someone else to pay they need to be grateful recipients of that help. Because it is your wedding day, but not a universal day of you.

I started telling everyone to stop calling it 'my big day' because it made me feel like a bratty child at a birthday party. So then our friend Dean kept saying to me 'Hey, Crystal, it's your average-sized day!' and it cracked me up the entire day of our wedding. Our guests kept coming up to us and thanking us for having them, because the food was EXCELLENT, and it was such a small gathering...they all knew they were special to us. That phrase 'It's MY day' only came into play when Greg and I were narrowing down our guest list, and even then, it was usually 'it's OUR day, and we don't need to invite people we don't want/know'. We made the decision early on to use most of our budget to thank our very few guests for all they'd done to support us. They definitely got the message. Everyone felt special that day.

I do feel like it is our day but I still want to accommodate everyone as much as I can. I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately about how much I want everyone to enjoy themselves because I know a lot of people are spending a lot of time and money to be here. I don't want them to be disappointed. That being said, it is still OUR wedding and I know that all the choices I make aren't going to please everyone. I will do my best but I'm not going to stress about it or give in to everyone's little wish just to make them all happy. But do we all need to make a few compromises now and then? Of course!

It is not my day. It's about everyone else but me. Friends and family have been put before me.

Now the honeymoon...all about ME and FH

My FH says it all the time ...it's "my" day. I love that, but I agree it's not just about the bride...

But it IS my day! *throws fit*

Actually I wanted to elope so I could do have whatever I wanted, but FH and I agreed to at least have immediate family present. If I was going to spend money, I wanted it to be towards things that I want - the dress, the flowers, the photographer, which in fact, I (not we) will be paying for (FH & I will split "necessary" expenses, but I'm responsible for anything extravagant). Most of my friends live across the country, but I don't really want to hassle them with coming out for the wedding as we're not super-close (I never flew out for theirs, though I would have come if I was in the area). So, that said, my money, my day.

I'm sharing the photographs and maybe video with friends back home, so might as well do what I want to make the photographs awesome.

I think the only time this phrase should be used is when a potential guest decides to complain/whine/just plain start it Like with FH and I, who have already gone through hell and continue to struggle with his health condition while his family is less than supportive (and at times, a hinderance). It IS our day, and we dare anyone to make a fuss about it, but we're not going to broadcast the fact.

When the occasional "friend" would make some snide comment or ridiculous suggestion/claim, instead of saying "it's my day" I leaned more for the "oh that would be wonderful....for YOUR wedding" or "I'm sorry, is this your wedding? No? Then shush". (this last one is a lot less b***** if you know who I've said it to! lol)

Well how I see it is. Who spent the 5 10 or 20 thousand dollars on the day? You and your FH you and your parents? Or did all the guests pitch in and or did they even pay for their meal? It is your day to an extent. It has to be all that you want as long as you dont make anyone super duper uncomfortable and or offended.. Thats how I see it.

Your one day to be the center and whatever you want for real lol

In addition to loathing the phrase for all the reasons above, I think the single most useless piece of WW advice is "It's your day, do what you want".

Tiffiny, You are getting married on my 30 birthday! How fun. I've used the phrase and I'm sure I'll continue to even though I know technically it's not my day. Makes me feel better when I say it. For me lately its like my security blanket!

I think it is your day and you do deserve to feel like a princess that day BUT you can't have a good day all alone, unless eloping so if you want other people there with you, celebrating with you and having a good time with you, then you have to share your day with them, and consider them and any sacrfices that they may have made in order to be with you that day!!!

It's your day. Well at least it's your party.

I treat it like every other party I throw, it's my party I'll wear what I want, I'll serve the kind of food I want, I'll offer my guests wine with dinner and after dinner drinks, and we will have the entertainment we like, and we will invite the guest we want.

Now it wouldn't be my day if someone else was financing it then it would be their party too.

Not my day and that's my choice. I figure the attention will all be on myself and my fiance but ultimately it's a party for both our families to come together. FI and I will get to choose how to make that happen but almost all of our choices will be in consideration of the people that will be there.

I think guest should be accommodated WITHIN REASON.

I've heard of family members and even friends making some pretty squirrely demands.

I haven't said it out loud yet... But I imagine that it is coming

This is crazy. It is THEIR DAY. You of course want your guests to have a good time, but it is your event and your wedding. Guests are not required to attend. If they don't want to put in the financial commitment they don't have to.