Thank you speech, my parents paid his did not.

Thank everyone, it would draw more negative attention than positive to focus on anyone more than another and would come off as rude.

I agree with Katie. You can thank your parents personally with a customized thank you gift. I just wouldn't put any emphasis on any one at the ceremony.

Thank everyone equally. Some individuals don’t like the added stress that comes with planning or paying for events.... and that’s just their personality. They may just want to be a spectator to the process rather than having an active part.... and that’s okay. Having someone who is completely hands off may be better in the long run because you can make decisions solely based off of your likes and dislikes... rather than feeing pressured to make a decision for or against something just because someone paid or made or gave you something for the wedding.

I totally get where you are coming from with this. I have a similar situation. And while theres no bad feelings to those who haven't contrubuted as much I just have so much appreciation for those who have stepped up and helped that I would love to be able to recognize them for it. Unfortunately I agree with everyone else theres no proper way to thank one more then the other without causing some type of feelings. I would focus on buying a meaningful gift and maybe writing them a letter.

I also agree that I would thank everyone equally otherwise your speech could draw negative attention because your in-laws could feel that you are calling them out for not contributing more.

I see what you mean however I agree with the others . . thank them equally in public. You can always get something for your parents or just express to them how grateful you are. I'm sure they didn't contribute for the recognition anyway.

I don't think a speech in front of your whole reception is the right forum to be that specific. That would imply you want the whole room to know the inequity of contributions of time or money, and that for sure doesn't feel right so publicly. Like others have said, you should definitely feel free to express your thanks privately through a larger/better gift, or maybe you and your FS take them out for a fancy dinner?

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I appreciate all of your opinions to be honest my Mother actually brought up that we can thank them in the speeches...I know it's a little tacky. Yea I think it just might come across rude. My mom will just have to understand that I don't want to hurt any feelings. I hate the anxiety of all of this.

Footing the bill is irrelevant. Anyone who wants can give a speech or none at all.

We paid for 80% of daughter and SIL's wedding, FOG paid 15%, and MOG did not contribute. Honestly, I would have been mortified if anything regarding financial contributions was alluded to in anything they said or did at the wedding. They publicly thanked all four of us for our love and support and that was perfect and appropriate for the situation in my opinion. However, they each wrote each of us four parents a very sweet and personal thank you note that they gave to us with a small gift at the rehearsal dinner. I have no idea what they wrote in the notes to his parents, but in ours they each made it very clear how much they appreciated all we did/continue to do for them. That was more than enough for us -- and did not create discomfort for anyone else.

View Quoted Comment Good personal experience shared by MOB So Cal.

I’d generally thank both sets of parents for their support and contributions (since you wouldn’t include the specifics of how they helped in your speech anyway). Then if you want to provide each of your parents with a more detailed heartfelt note, that would be nice.

View Quoted Comment How funny! I didn’t even read your response until after. But gave the same advice.

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LOL! Great minds....

A public speech is not the way to acknowlege someone for a financial contribution. Don't mention money at all. Your wedding is not a fundraiser where you acknowledge the biggest donor.


If you feel your parents should have "more" thanks, do so by gifting them a more expensive gift, but privately

As other people have said you should just thank everyone. In your speech, you should thank all of them for their support, and not for their specific contributions to the wedding. If your parents want credit for having paid for your wedding, one of them can make a speech thanking everyone for coming. It's fairly common for the hosts of the wedding to do this, and it's a non-obnoxious way for them to make it clear that they spent money on the party everyone's attending.

As MOB I was in this situation like MOB So Cal but my experience was not like that. My SIL thanked me publicly because I paid for everything except his mom paid for the DJ. She was so embarrassed and upset that she didn’t talk to SIL for weeks after. He wouldn’t apologize because he felt the focus shouldn’t have been about her since it was honoring me. I felt bad about her hurt feelings and didn’t get in the middle of it. It was very awkward. His intentions were good but it didn’t turn out so good.