Telling a Friend they Shouldn't get married.

Yeah she lives in California and He lives in Ohio. And they are Ofically engaged getting married in November of this year.

I was in a situation sort of like that. Similar circumstances, plus I was worried that he would be abusive, especially since he was trying to alienate her from all of her friends. I went to her and basically said that I wanted to voice my opinion so she would know my feelings, but that no matter what happened, because she was my friend, I'd be there to support her. It went over surprisingly well. It also made things easier in the future because I didn't have to pretend to be thrilled for something I didn't support.

Sometimes there isn't anything you can do. Just tell them to take the planning process slow. She's probably still dealing with the previous breakup, and needs to get things together. Then, she's going to have to find a job out here, move, etc. The last thing they want to do is add the stress of wedding planning to the whole situation.

Sadly, this probably won't end well. They'll break up, or she'll get back with her ex, or he'll realize what a huge mistake he is making.

If you do talk to him, make sure you are adamant is it nothing against her, because she may be a great girl- you don't know because you don't know her. Just express concern that after a long relationship, she isn't ready for a serious commitment yet. They haven't actually met, etc.

If they are going to be together forever (which is what marriage is), then there is no problem with a long engagement while they work out the distance issues and uproot their lives to be together, etc.

I'm placing a bet that it won't happen

Maybe talk to your friend, but don't attack him.

Ask him what he likes about her, ask when you get to meet the girl, try to sound excited.

If you probe a little he may realize he is rushing into this.

Try not to come off as if you think it is the stupidest idea ever, or you might drive him away

The friends I talk to about this feel the same way but they don't think I should say anything because it will piss him off, but at the same time I'm not someone to put on a happy face and congradulate him on the engaged when I think he is being a moron.

It isn't your place to tell someone they shouldn't get married no matter how ridiculous the situation. You can give advice, and express concern, but if he doesn't want to hear what you have to say then you have to let him live his life.

Hmmm sounds like it might not be the best of decisions on their part to get married so soon. However, I got engaged and legally married 6 mos after I met my husband. (We are planning our church ceremony and reception right now). So I guess it depends on their situation... A few people told me I shouldn't have gotten married so soon and I was making a huge mistake and I have a hard time being friends with these few people right now. To each their own I guess... but if you honestly feel like you have to say something, just be careful how you word it!

My friend (well I guess ex-friend. she decided she doesn't want to talk to me any more, I think her fh caused this) has been dating this guy for a year now, she started dating him right after I started dating my FH and we met them on the same dating site.. but he is a total D-Bag! and I think she is making a huge mistake... but I can't say anything to her.. even if I did she wouldn't listen. she would probably just start a big huge scene and get her family involved to back her up... so I just hope she realizes by the wedding (which is about a year from now) that he's a tool and she needs better

I would only suggest that they meet and take their time. maybe live together for a while before they get engaged or married. you really find out who the other person is when you live with them. there is just so many hard conversations that I can't say if they have had yet or not.

Religion, politics, children, work, where to live, spending money, finances, bills, the list goes on. you dont really think about these kinds of things in a 2 week long relationship.

my FH proposed after 6 months but i purposefully set the wedding date a year and a half later so that we could get to know each other more and find what works for us.

maybe something like that is a viable option for them?

I personally think that he wants to love someone so much that he is just so happy that he doesn't even think of all the hard times that really test how much someone truelly loves you. Me and my husband had a quick marriage we were together 11 months got engaged and married a month later. But at the same time we were already friends for two years before we started dating. I don't want to lose the friendship that I have with him but I just know it's not going to work out. I'm just hoping it falls apart before he moves out to California.

I'm thinking I might just wait a little longer to see how it all plays out. I just hope he doesn't mention it while I'm around because I won't be able to not tell him how I feel about the whole situation.

Sometimes our friends do things we don't agree with, as friends we have to show our support - there truly is no point in stating the obvious, he'll get defensive and you may lose a friend. I'd say hang tight, just give a short congrats if you're around him, all the while keeping your fingers crossed it won't happen I'm with PP, I think it'll fizzle out before November.

Yikes! I was in a similar situation about 2 years ago. A really good friend of mine was marrying a man across the US about 13 yrs older than her, she was 21 at the time, and he up and bought a house out here and furniture leaving everything he had behind. It was so weird. But there really wasn't anything that me or our other mutual friend could have said. I mean we told her to really think about what she was doing yadda yadda yadda, but in the end the decision is up to her. Unfortunately, they aren't doing that well now. Neither of them believe in divorce, so they just kind of live like roommates. It's awkward.

As a true friend, maybe you should just voice your concerns. Nothing that's going to make him mad, but just that maybe they would like to take it slow? Have a long engagement. Just let him know, you love him and don't want to see him hurt, and that you will always be there for him. If you're really good friends you should be able to tell him how you feel, especially if its out of concern.

A true friend tells you what you "need" to hear, not what you "want" to hear

I didn't read what others said so if I repeated...SORRY! I think saying something depends heavily on the relationship. If your friend knows that you would only speak up because you are looking out for his best interests he will be more inclined to listen. Doesn't mean he will call it off but he will hear what you say. It also depends on HOW you say it. If you say "Bob, I am concerned about you marrying Cali because you haven't gotten the chance to really know her other than the internet." You would be better off than if you said, "Dude! Don't marry the girl you can't handle being in a relationship for longer than 2 weeks in real life!" State your concerns but still be supportive of the marriage. As in, "If you are 100% sure without a doubt Cali will be the perfect one for you, I can't wait until November when you get married!"

Good luck on what you decide to do!

That's a tough situation. You can't really tell him not to do it but as a friend you need to voice your concerns. Try to be supportive of him but still let him know you think it is a bad decision.

Personally--I wouldn't say anything. But that is coming from the fact that I have been the one that has been told this before and I can tell you that if they want to get married they are going to get married and nothing you say is going to change that. What could happen (in my case) is that your friend will resent you thinking that he isn't an adult and can't think for himself...it won't damage their relationship...it will damage your relationship with your friend. Again, that is just IMHO as I can tell you that I will never ever get over or forgive the people who told us we shouldn't get married.(hold a grudge much? haha) Looking in from the outside you never really know the whole situation. Will it last?-who knows but at least your friendship with your friend will be in tact because you love and support him.

I would say something if you are very close friends, just acquaintances maybe not so much. But at least voice your concern that he has never met her & that they should probably live in the same state for awhile to make sure they are compatible.. talking to someone all the time and seeing them all the time two entirely different experiences. That said I do have a friend that married a woman from Thialand, they communicated by Skype for many months & then he visited w/her once & asked her while he was there.. he said he bought the ring after the first month, they have been married now for about 1 1/2 years but only lived together for about 6 months now as it took awhile to get her to the states. They seem happy & he says he's happy so it could possibly work .. sometimes you get to know someone better when its long distance because there is soo much talking..that doesn't always happen in person where kissing & what not gets in the way of actual conversation. Hope it works out for him!

This does throw up a few red flags, especially to those of us who have been in a committed relationship (FH and i were together 4 years before getting engaged) and can't really see why this friend would do something so "irresponsible." but it's still a trick situation. i obviously don't know your friend, or his history, so that makes it even tougher to give you advice. i do know a couple people who have been together for VERY short amounts of time before getting married (less than 3 months...) and are still super happy years late. but i think that's rare. and i could go on forever here. haha

i think you should approach him, and voice your concerns. but i don't think you should tell him he shouldn't get married. because then you're just asking for him to get really defensive really quickly. good luck!