Tell Bridesmaids cost of being a bridesmaid?

Ok I mean they pay for their dresses the shower and the bachelorette don't missundersrand me. I just mean its not free to be a bridesmaid. I don't want to get stuck paying for a friend who doesn't know wjat kind of a financial commitment it is or create resentment. I am not asking my bridesmaids to pay for my wedding. I have just done some reading online on the cost if being a bridesmaid it is not free for the bridesmaid. I have never been a bridesmaid so I have no experience desling with this.

I keep reading online its bridenaid responsabilitynto pay for shower bachelorette and buy the dress themselves?

If someone offers to throw you a shower, you get one. If not, you don't. I was in a wedding for my best friend. Same sex, so the shower had double the amount invited since it was two women getting married. Her sister (MOH) offered to throw shower and about two weeks before gave all of us BMs the breakdown of what our "share" was going towards....ummmm what? We each had to pay a few hundred bucks for it. So yeah, no. Figure out their budget for dresses and expect nothing more. If you get a shower or bachelorette, then great.

Bachelorettes are not required. If they choose to throw you one, they will set the budget.

Ask each one their budget for a dress (privately). The lowest amount is the maximum you are allowed to pick for a dress. Otherwise you pay the rest.

Anything else you require you have to pay for. Not sure what you're not getting about that.

It's not a responsibility to pay for a shower or bachelorette party. If someone offers to throw you one this means they want to pay for it. If no one offers, you don't have these parties and no one has to pay. Problem solved

Wow ladies, ladies I literally have no friends that have ever gotten married, all of my information I have gotten from Google searches. I am just asking a general question because I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. I am a very direct and blunt women but I am very loving and kind to my friends and this is just coming off as really really aggressive and mean and I'm just trying to ask a question and understand so that I can proceed in the best manner possible with my dear friends. I DO NOT EXPECT THEM TO PAY FOR MY WEDDING I was talking abojt commitment to help plan the wedding google it bridesmaids are supposed to help plan a wedding according to all the articles. Thanks

My maid of honor is throwing me a shower I think it is unfair for her to not ne able to ask them to help pay for it am I wrong? She is throwing it at my house so she just needs to buy food and drinks.

You were misinformed.

A shower is a gift of a party, not a given. Same with a bachelorette.

They pay for a dress they can afford.

Anything you require of them (ie: shoes, hair, nails, jewelry) is on you.

You make your own decor, you address your own invitations, you set up and take down your reception or you pay someone to do these things.

Because, after all, a wedding is not free!

If they decide to throw you a bachelorette, they will decide what to pay for it. That means you may get pizza, beer and Netflix or you may get a weekend in Vegas. Up to them to set that budget or skip the whole thing altogether.

They decide what they are willing to pay for a dress, so they have control there too.

If you require any other attire, you pay.

So ultimately, they will pay SOMETHING, but they have control over what that is.

And yes, you are wrong (or, as you put it, wring) about them having to pay for the shower. If your MOH chose to host it, she chose to take on that financial responsibility for herself and no one else.

The only thing I'm asking my bridesmaids to buy is their dress. I made a suggestion for shoes, which they both loved. One already had an appropriate pair, and the other was all about buying a pair because it's an excuse to get a pair. Basically I just wanted to make sure they can wear whatever they do have to buy again; that it's not just a one time deal. Every bridesmaid knows that there will be expenses involved when they agree to stand up with you. That's not to say pick the most expensive options - be considerate, especially if they have to travel for the wedding.

I wouldn't follow the articles you find on Google. They aren't going to give you the best advice.

I have had two showers hosted by family, not one hosted by the bridesmaids. Whoever offers to host it, hosts it. They set the budget and do all of the planning. Same for the bachelorette. If nobody offers to host one for you - you don't get one.

Nobody is being mean, they are just stating things bluntly. Good luck!

ETA: And your MOH offered to host it, so she is responsible for the entire cost unless another BM offers to help with it. You don't offer to host a party under the condition that you don't have to pay for it??

Thank you for the helpful comments I am really lost with wedding planning and I am just lookijg for help and support. I appreciate the help. Good to know most people disagree with my google search what do brides pay for and what to bridesmaids pay for.

@graceb thank you so much! Yes I am choosing bridemaid dresses under $100 I am also letting my maid of honor help choose them and going with mixed styles so that should help. Thank you for your kind helpful words. I have allot if anxiety and come off as blunt or entitled, really I am just lost on this planning stuff and scared to lose my friends over mixed expectations (google search the high cist if being a bridesmaid you will see what I've been reading)

@op no one is trying to be mean they're just letting you know not to go off what shows up on Google. Your girls will pay for a shower IF they want to throw you one, if they have the means to. Same with the Bachelorette. It's a gift to you, from them. So, its their choice if they throw one. That's all anyone is trying to say. They'll know they are expected to buy the dress, but you'll need to privately ask each of them what they can afford for one so that you all can pick one that's affordable for each of them. The shoes are left up to them unless they have to wear specific ones, and then you buy them. Same with jewelry. The only thing that you need to be concerned with them buying is one single dress. So that's all you need to talk to them about as far as financial things.

Good attitude, Michelle! Please change your avatar and stay with us--you will do well

If you need help planning your wedding then look no further than your FH. If your bridesmaids volunteer to help you with wedding related tasks that is different but do not demand it. If they have discussed a shower with you, then you are responsible for giving a guest list and a theme if asked. You have no say on how much they spend or what they do. Do not look at Google articles, they are a guide to being known as a bridezilla.

Ask each bridesmaid individually their budget for a dress and go with the lowest budget. If you require any mandatory items such as shoes and make up, that will be your responsibility

First off, congrats on you engagement. From my experience I believe it is a good idea to talk to them about the cost of the dress you are looking toward, I wound up letting them pick their own style but i choose the color, length, and fabric. this allowed them to pick something in their budget. Although most will know that they will have to cover the cost of the dress it may be a good idea to talk with them just so their are no surprises. I didnt expect my friends to throw me a shower or bachelorette, but they decided to do it on their own, and im sure your friends will as well. I did however have a convo with all my girls because I need them to help me set the wedding up, as most of it will be diy, none of them seem to have a problem with it and are exdcited to help. I think the more transparent you can be with your needs from the bridal party the better that way if they cant commit there are no surprises. Good Luck! I hope everything works out for you and happy planning!

@delfina sucks for my maid of honor she isnt bank rollen. Can she ask the other bridesmaids to chip in?

A lot of the articles out there are outdated and misinformed. Traditionally, bridesmaids usually throw a shower for the bride. But,.... it's not necessary, and they have to offer. If they do offer, they will figure out the cost themselves. As many others have said on here the only thing they HAVE to do is buy the dress, and be present at your wedding the day of.

@Michelle - no she shouldn't ask the others to chip in. That puts them in an awkward position. She shouldn't have offered to host if she wasn't prepared to take on the cost.