Tell Bridesmaids cost of being a bridesmaid?

Your bridesmaids do not help you pay for your wedding, and they are not required to throw you a shower.

The only thing they need to do is buy the dress and show up. If you're requiring them to have specific shoes, accessories, hair and makeup you have to pay for it. Most people are well aware of the fact that they will be paying for a dress when they accept the role.

The only thing they are responsible for is the dress. They shouldn't have to pay for anything else, ESPECIALLY helping with the wedding. If you can't afford their shoes and accessories, either let them wear things they already own or don't have bridesmaids.

The only thing bridesmaids are required to do is show up to your wedding in the agreed upon dress. You should ask all of them privately what their budget is for the dress before you pick it out. If you require specific shoes or accessories then you need to purchase those. Also, they do not have to throw you any parties. If they offer, great. If not then you don't have a bridal shower or bachelorette party.

All that's required of them is showing up in the dress. If you require a specific shoe or accessories, you pay. Otherwise, they pick their own. Bridal shower and bachelorette are extra gifts, you can't tell them to throw you one. So no, you don't need to level with them because everyone knows they need to buy a dress to be a bridesmaid. When you shop for said dress, you must ask them what their budget is, not tell them.

No, but they pretty much knew ahead of time it was on them to get the dress. Bridesmaids aren't required to throw you a shower or help you with your wedding, so you should not be expecting them to pay for that. How many bridesmaids are you having? Maybe you picked too many if you can't afford to give them gifts or anything.

ETA: The whole "leveling with your bridesmaids" phrasing kind of bothers me. You can politely talk with them in private and ask what their budget is for the dress, but "level with" sounds confrontational and not a way you should be treating your friends.

The only cost of being a bridesmaid should be the cost of the dress, and any travel to the wedding. And you don't dictate dress cost, they do.

They definitely are not required to pay for a shower, and sure as hell shouldn't be paying for the wedding.

Although, if you plan on demanding they pay for a bunch of extras, I'd personally like to know that so that I can decline.

Does the bride typically pay for travel expenses? I don't want my bridesmaids to do anything, but one is coming from across the country and I feel guilty as I'm sure the flight is a couple hundred, not to mention hotel for coming a few days early. I would like to offer to pay something for her, but not sure if that would be offensive.

They don't have to do half of that stuff. Just get the dress and show up. Maybe it was poor word choice but it seems you have a snarky attitude towards these women. I'm sure they know they have to get a dress. The only thing you discuss about money with them is their budget so you don't pick a dress that somebody can't afford.

This sounds a little shitty. No offense. But when you are asked to be in the bridal party you already know a dress shoes and hair will need to be purchased or done.

You are making this seem like a demand they pay for extras.

I've already paid for half of my bridal shower because I don't want anyone paying anything out of pocket (I booked the hall and made a large payment where I work.....my best fried is throwing my shower and it's not fair she foots the bill)

@Jenny is there a way for her to stay with you prior to? That would probably help her save some $ But definitely discuss together what you are comfortable doing or spending on both sides, that way neither one can have unrealistic expectations.

I made sure to send mine an itemized bill, that way there were no questions. They also signed a contract with the understanding that they would be sent to collections if they didn't pay.

(Joking obviously)

ETA: words.

It'd be really great if you could come back and clarify what you meant by "helping with the shower and wedding" in the context of cost for your bridesmaids.

Ask them privately how much they are comfortable spending on the dress and from there. Shower, helping with the wedding, etc is not their responsibility. They may OPT to throw you a shower but that is for them to decide, not for you to impose on them

I'm going to level with you. Your BM's are not responsible for anything other than buying a dress in an AGREED ON budget. They provide their budget to you, not the other way around.

The only cost I'm going to talk about with my girls is the price range for their dresses. I'll most likely be going with each of them separately (one lives in Texas, one in California and I'll be living in New York) but when I visit them we'll go to a davids bridal most likely (since their prices are decent) to get the right shade of red for their dresses since I don't want them to feel they need to buy a dress that's too out of reach for them. So I'll tell them upfront what the max the dress could be at. We're not made of money here... Especially since I really prefer them to pick a dress that's the exact color instead of finding one similar.

You ASK your BMs how much they are comfortable spending on a dress. That's all they are responsible for. If you require anything else, you pay for it.

Shower? Oh, Honey, no, there is no shower unless someone OFFERS to host one for you.

And the wedding, that's all on you and your fi.

Ask privately about dress budgets.

No it's not free, but it's an honor. One to be asked and it's your honor if they accept.

I'm hoping that you're not for real. I didn't level with my bridesmaids because there was nothing to level with them about. They chose their own dress thus deciding how much they could afford. If you want to choose their dress you ask them individually for their budget and then you go with the lowest one. If you're also requiring specific shoes, accessories, hairstyle then you pay for it. Nobody is obligated to throw you a shower or bach party. If they decide to then they are 100% in control of how much, or little, it costs. They are also not responsible for monetarily contributing ANYTHING to your wedding. NOT A DIME. So get your wallet out because those costs are all on you and your fiance.

Listen to all of the above ^^^^ and lower your expectations big time

I was forced to pay for a shower once, and I was really bitter about it. Your bridesmaids are NOT required to throw you a shower, they only need to buy the dress.