Lynnie
WeddingWire Administrator October 2016

Talking To Your Ex - Red Flag or Deal Breaker?

Lynnie, on August 13, 2019 at 11:05 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 70
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How do you feel about your future spouse talking with their ex? Does it depend on the person you're with and their past relationships? Or do you have firm relationship rules about exes?

Is talking to your ex a total deal breaker for you just a red flag?


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Back to the Beginning: Red Flag or Deal Breaker?

70 Comments

Latest activity by Emilia, on July 14, 2021 at 2:09 PM
  • Tamera
    Expert May 2020
    Tamera ·
    • Flag

    We are both open with our past relationships, but it would still be a red flag. I trust him, but I don't know if I would trust a few of his exes.

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Neither. When I got into a relationship with my husband I was well aware he and his ex were still friends. I was moreso into setting boundaries since they didn't quite have any that distinguished between their lives together vs just friends. But I think it's also a sign of maturity to be able to still be friends with an ex.
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    Depending on the ex, it could be either one. But some ex’ s could could be neither. It just depends on the currently relationships between them and between their ex’s and me.
    • Reply
  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    I'd say red flag depending.

    • Reply
  • Kaitlyn
    Dedicated July 2020
    Kaitlyn ·
    • Flag
    Red flag. I trust him.
    • Reply
  • Brianna N
    Super October 2019
    Brianna N ·
    • Flag

    It depends on the relationship, the person, etc. I would say mostly red flag, or neither.

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    It'd depend on the situation. My fiance doesn't talk to his ex's so I'm not worried
    • Reply
  • Denise
    Super September 2019
    Denise ·
    • Flag

    Red Flag. Especially since he's not that guy

    • Reply
  • Sonya
    Dedicated February 2021
    Sonya ·
    • Flag
    I actually went thru this.. my FH was living with one of his ex gfs from 3 yrs prior when I met him.. they only dated 2 months and remained good friends and as I said they lived together yrs later as room mates.. and she is actually a really good friend of mine now.. but I could tell there wasn't nothing there between them.. now his ex before me NOPE.. she tried to sabotage our relationship for 2 yrs.. calling him, leaving messages and talking about him on his family's social media pages, she even sent thong panties to our home addressed to him.. he would talk to her on and off because he felt bad that she was hurting and blah blah blah but after the panty ordeal he finally seen her for what she was.. during all this back and forth she would create fake FB pages and act like a friend of the Ex and basically let me know when she talked to him and so forth so I finally put down my foot and said enough.. she isn't hurt she is jealous.. anyway like I said once he saw the craziness with the panties he quit replying.. literally took 2 yrs before she stopped.. oh and she by chance got engaged a week after us..hahaha which I believe she is still up to her shenanigans and faking it...
    • Reply
  • April
    Dedicated November 2020
    April ·
    • Flag
    Depends on the circumstances; each “ex” relationship has a different story, as long as I’m being respected it’s fine.
    • Reply
  • Yam
    VIP September 2019
    Yam ·
    • Flag
    It wouldn’t bother me if they were friends. I tried to be friends with my exes(but they later said they couldn’t do it after all, no biggy)

    This is strictly hypothetical, FH hates his ex. She killed his pet and tried to kill them both in a car accident type of thing because she wasn’t invited to his friend’s bday so...yeah.

    If she was a normal ex and didn’t carry a torch or anything then I’d have no problem with it.
    • Reply
  • Sonya
    Dedicated February 2021
    Sonya ·
    • Flag
    I wanted to add that this was very close to a deal breaker for me... As I felt this was a form of cheating when he would answer her calls and try to console her. But we did get past it and I have 100% faith in him.
    • Reply
  • Tara
    Dedicated August 2020
    Tara ·
    • Flag

    It would be a deal breaker for me, we both agree on this and don't do it. Exes are exes/in the past for a reason so they should stay there.

    • Reply
  • Anna
    Savvy August 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    Red flag, depending on the circumstance
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    My FH used to talk to several of his ex’s, one of which caused drama early on and tried to break us up so he cut her off. The one main ex he still talks to I don’t like or trust, but I trust FH and he tells me everything. Last time she called she was getting divorced and two weeks later she was posting on FB every day how much she loves her husband 🙄. At first FH accused me of being jealous and I thought maybe he was right, but an unbiased male third party told me he was shocked by how flirty and touchy-freely she was with my FH. She is the one person who didn’t congratulate us or like our engagement announcement and he hadn’t heard from her since we announced it 🤷‍♀️. Maybe she got the hint.
    • Reply
  • Birdie
    Savvy June 2021
    Birdie ·
    • Flag

    Neither. I honestly don't care. We both have ex-spouses that we share children with so we obviously talk to them. I am friends with a few other exes as well and so is he. We are all adults and behave appropriately with members of the opposite sex whether they were exes or not.

    • Reply
  • Sara
    Expert October 2020
    Sara ·
    • Flag

    It depends, but kind of a deal breaker for me. When FH and I started to get serious he said he was going to dinner with his ex at her parents house and I was not ok with it. It was just weird to me especially at her parents house. Also she was FH's first serious relationship so it just didn't seem like a good idea. I told him he could happily remain friends with her if I met her, but if that wasn't going to happen I wasn't ok with them getting dinner together especially at her family's house.

    • Reply
  • Laura
    Expert September 2019
    Laura ·
    • Flag

    Red flag depending on the circumstance

    • Reply
  • Taylor
    Savvy September 2021
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    It was more of a red flag when my FH started off our relationship by talking often about how crazy all of his exes were...made me think: am I going to be just another “crazy” if things don’t work out for us? But it didn’t last long and I came to understand the relationships better and why it was something he talked about a lot.
    Once, a couple years into our relationship, a friend of my FH’s passed away. An ex reached out to him and asked to get lunch, cause she was also friends with the guy who passed away and wanted to catch up/talk about it. I was seriously on edge at first, but FH was super open about it, didn’t hide anything, and even called me right after the lunch and told me about it (I didn’t ask him to). It made me feel so much better. So as long as that trust and open communication is there, I don’t think it’s a deal breaker! But it’s okay to worry and question things if not!
    • Reply
  • Tracy
    Dedicated August 2020
    Tracy ·
    • Flag

    We both know each others ex's and have seen them in passing from time to time so standoffish "hello" is fine haha but extensive chatting is a no no and TEXTING is a major no.

    • Reply

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