TACKY WEDDING STUFF.....

Mna thank you for the correction. Isn't that movie fabulous? Maybe I'll get an armadillo grooms cake!

@Mna just curious why do you think Black Tie optional is a made up thing? That's what I am probably doing along with making the whole reception Black tie standards

@Kayla, black tie optional is not a thing because it is or is not a black tie event. There is no in between. Black tie doesn't just refer the attire, but the whole style and standards of the event.

@Beach dreams I'm aware that it's the whole style and standard of events

This is what I believed and Google confirmed it. That the "optional" part really is irrelevant for woman but for men it means that if they don't have or can't afford to rent a tux they can just wear a nice suit instead

How is the bouquet toss tacky? That tradition is as old as forever.

The most tackiest thing that I have ever seen was pizza being delivered to a wedding because lack of food for the children.

@FutureMrsAllen ditto, I can't turn away but watching the choreographed dances make me cringe.

Kayla, "black tie optional" should not be put on an invite. Please look up old threads for in depth discussion of this. Mna and BeachDreams are correct. It's not a thing.

@jacks we can agree to disagree. I've read a lot about it and so has my mom. It is a thing. It may not be a thing you like but it is a thing

Kayla, I don't care what you're doing. I truly don't. Etiquette-wise, it's just not a thing. You do you though.

Kayla...Google confirmed it? Google is a massive, all-inclusive, resource tool -- not an authority on any subject. It will absolutely lead you to a myriad of informational and editorial sources, but it stops short of endorsing or rejecting any position on any subject under the sun.

Sure, "Black Tie Optional" is a thing...so is a cookie/cake/punch at mealtime reception with 300 guests (and you can find blogs that will support that effrontery -- usually authored by those who did it or plan to do it). The support of Black Tie Optional tag lines will be found on the same wedding blogs that suggest self-catering, family workers, and GoFundMe wedding accounts. It may even be found on more etiquette appropriate sites, but the concept, in and of itself, is relatively new. It's something that was made up -- someone's idea that caught on (and that's an entirely different post), and it doesn't pass established etiquette muster.

On the other hand, Black Tie is an actual thing -- it denotes a no-expense-spared event, and it will prove to be an incredibly lavish affair in which the guests -- every single one of them -- are treated as true VIPs -- and those guests will be dressed in formal wear. To begin with -- a Black Tie event is being held in a prohibitively expensive venue, and it is about as elegant as you can imagine (no barns, no halls, no tents, no acreage, no DIYs, etc.). That lavish venue could be your parents' multi-million dollar, dramatically landscaped estate (and then, you could probably get away with a tent -- featuring perfect climate control, hanging crystal chandeliers, and impressive fabric draping). You and your BMs will be wearing designer gowns. Your wedding will start after 6:00 PM (as stated on your black engraved invitations on white/ivory), has valet parking, a cloak/coat check, champagne flutes filled with excellent champagne being offered to guests -- upon entry -- on silver trays by staff in white gloves, a cocktail hour that includes a top shelf open bar (no tip jar) with limitless passed, exotic and traditional hot/cold apps, a reception featuring engraved place cards, elaborate floral centerpieces, fine china, crystal glassware, fine linens, a continuation of that open bar, table-side ordering from an extensive menu of cooked to order, multi-course, gourmet meals, a trained sommelier (an expert in wine/food pairings) who will guide each guest, live music (a back-up band is necessary), an elaborate Viennese table, etc., etc., etc.

To suggest that you can pick half of those things, leave the other half out, and call the affair "black tie optional" is just silly. It's also pretentious. And black tie optional DOES confuse women -- it is not irrelevant to them. They are left staring at the invitation and asking, "Does this mean I'm supposed to wear a gown?", because Black Tie would require that. I don't wear gowns to weddings, and since I know what "Black Tie Optional" really means, I would ignore the dress code and just dress the way I always do when I attend a wedding as a guest. However, there are women who actually believe that this type of tag line means they need to buy a gown. As a result, you'll have half the room dressing in normal wedding fare, and the other half being embarrassed because they obviously overdressed. See? Confusing.

If you're having a White Tie wedding (and, as far as I know, nobody here is doing that) or a Black Tie wedding, your planner (and, of course you'll have a professional planner, who takes your call day or night, with a full staff -- not a DOC), will handle all of the details. These are the only two instances in which it is appropriate to advise the guests of a formal dress code on the invitation (the last one I saw mentioned on this site was "Beach Formal". I still have no idea what that means -- sundresses with sequins?).

As far as head tables vs. sweetheart tables, why is either tacky? For every eight sweetheart tables we decorate, we might do two head tables. Both are beautiful (but I prefer the sweethearts -- they give us an opportunity to really personalize that small space for the couple). It's just a choice.

I hate when bride and groom smash the wedding cake in each other's faces. tacky!!!

Another one star person self catering. Let WTF Wednesday begin.

Sammi? Catering your own wedding with your family helping is about the surest way to guarantee it won't be stress free. You're new here but everyone else has heard my tale of my own wedding.

Short version? I was a pro caterer who owned an upscale catering company for about 10 years before I catered my own wedding to my catering chef, a brilliant, talented guy who looked and cooked like Mario Batalli. We had an entire commissary kitchen, a pro kitchen on site and 55 guests.

It sucked. You can't even predict how it will suck, and the bad chicken is the tip of the iceberg.

"Sitting around, dancing and eating"...that sounds perfect. No great story ever started with catching the bouquet, retrieving the garter or playing corn hole.

Ooooh how this post absolutely rocks! I am in tears over some of these posts, LOL.

My only HORROR story is from last summer. It was Vegas destination wedding (we attended) and a local family catered, Knight of Columbus Hall, all-white reception/celebration. Well, my FH was in the wedding, know one told him the reception was all white, we were in black (and no white), the bride's family had nasty comments and looks for us (like "Aren't you on FaceBook?" TACKY). I had to bite my tongue and deal. My mother had passed a few months earlier, so I was sad and depressed...and drank my own bought (BYOB) wine in the corner all night (minimizing the distraction of being the only woman in black there). I drank and cried to the point of throwing up, and my FH had to basically carry me to the car. Losing my mom last year was rough...and this reception poked the sad bear...so to speak.

I didn’t attend this wedding but my Finaces grandparents went to a wedding recently. The thank you card was a postcard with a photo of the couple on one side and a generic computer printed “thank you for your generosity” note on the back. I thought it was super tacky that they didn’t hand write their thank yous and her wedding had less people than I expect at mine. Our guest list is at 300 (about 150 different family units) for the wedding and 100 for the shower and I intend to hand write all my thank you cards.

Am I the only one who thinks this thread is pretty cruel? There will undoubtedly be people here who have done/are doing some of the things that you are all so viciously slagging off,

Each to their own- but this post is probably not what most people have joined wedding wire for.

(but congratulations everyone on hosting such perfect weddings. FYI- you probably did something that at least one guest went home and laughed about/criticized).

Wait - someone please explain why honeyfunds are tacky?

View Quoted Comment Of course now I had to go and google toonie bar. So glad you asked this very important question.