Surprised by guests not coming?

Following STD we found out large groups of people won't be able to make it to our wedding - one family from my side will be on vacation, another from his is moving out of country a few months before the wedding (it was a total surprise announcement from them), and another just announced she's having a baby due around our wedding. It's a bit of a bummer people who we love and would want to celebrate with won't be there - but there's not much we can do to change it.

Life happens, and we're just going to be happy to be husband and wife - anyone who is invited and can join us will just make it even more special.

Did you send Save the Date cards? I know a lot of people think they are unnecessary, but FH and I tend to make plans several months in advance for a lot of weekends, so a 6-8 week notice of a wedding isn't going to be enough for us a lot of the time with invitations only.

Linds, I agree with you. It honestly doesn't bother me too much because I don't take it very personally, but it does affect my FH and I hate to see him upset.

So far we haven't really had any surprises! Sometimes plans can't be changed or people can't take off work. It doesn't mean they don't care! Sometimes people decline because they can't afford to attend a wedding. It's expensive to be a guest - outfit, shoes, babysitter, time off work, GIFT! It can be out of reach for some people. I do think if they're close friends and they haven't reached out to express their regret that they can't come that's a little weird.

After sending STDs last October (most people had to travel), DH had one aunt & uncle not come because that was the weekend they chose for their anniversary trip (anniversary was two months prior), another aunt & uncle were traveling with in-laws & messed the dates up. His other uncles just plain didn't care enough to come. My sister decided she would rather go on a church trip than come. I could go on.

We limited our guest list to what we thought were our closest family and friends. Turns out, we could have invited other people that we know would have come and left family members off.

We are sending out STD regardless if 95% of our guests are less than 1 hr away. We want to give everyone plenty of notice so they don't book anything during the wedding time (we are on a long weekend too). If they choose to not attend that is fine but it's better that they know so they won't make plans before knowing of our date.

My big brother isn't coming. I had hoped he would walk me down the aisle since our parents are gone but he can't seem to put aside the bad blood with our sister for one day.

Perhaps my nieces will walk me down the aisle or my sister who is my MOH. It's a shame but we will figure it out!

Sometimes people just can't take off work or have something else going on that same day. Don't take it personally. Be happy for who is there instead of sad for who isn't.

FH has two cousins who he very much expected to come and is disappointed. One has a baby on the way due close to the wedding, so understand, but the other had a few excuses that don't seem good enough to him and it hurt his feelings. All I try to do is empathize with him and help him focus on all the awesome people who will be there. But it hurts my heart for him!

Yupp unfortunately this happens to everyone! The day we signed our venue contract (14 months ago) we started telling our closest friends our wedding date, and immediately heard that one friend is in another wedding that weekend and wouldn't be able to come. As we're getting our RSVPs in there are definitely some people we're more bummed about over others!

It is on a friday, but most of the guests who declined are doing something that Saturday.

My college roommate and close friend for 6 years won't be able to make my wedding. Her husband manages a restaurant and is unable to take time off work, and the wedding is a 4hr drive for her and she doesn't want to do it alone. I totally understand. Sure, I'm disappointed. But I know her life doesn't revolve around me, and I will find another time to celebrate with her.

Well it's just life but seeing that you are getting married on Friday, can you or FH reach out to them and let them know to join you guys after work?? Especially they are very close friends, he could talk to them.

I already have a guest coming only to ceremony and another dropping by after dinner part is done. I just happy they will stop by.

I just saw your update. So if the reasoning is they are doing something Sat, I am not sure why they can't come to Friday night wedding.

If FH really want, he could extend an invitation to come for part of the wedding and leave early. But imho I wouldn't chase after them.

I wouldn't sweat it. I know there are sometimes when I absolutely cannot leave work unless it's for a life or death emergency. So, unfortunately I have to choose work over friends. Don't take it personally.

"It is on a friday, but most of the guests who declined are doing something that Saturday."

What does that mean? They're doing something Saturday near where you're getting married? What does that have to do w/ your wedding. Sorry, I'm confused.

We were surprised both by some people who were coming and by some who were not. It happens.

Someone mentioned that guests may not be coming because our wedding is on a Friday, but then I was pointing out that their plans were for Saturday so that may not be relevant. (=

Most of the declines that I received I expected. There was one decline that really hurt. It is a girl that I considered one of my best friends, I was a BM in her wedding and we took several girls trip vacations together over the years. She and her husband are friends with my ex but when he and I split up she swore it wouldn't affect our friendship but it did. I have reached out to her via phone calls, texts and email and she has stopped responding. At this point I have given up. It hurts but it is what it is.

Having something going on the Saturday is not relevant.

When we say your declines are because it is on a Friday we mean that most people work on Fridays and would not be able to make a Friday afternoon/early evening wedding. Are Fridays an unusual day to have a wedding? No. But they definitely get more declines than a Saturday wedding does.