Surprise bachelorette party - am I wrong?

Try talking to one of the other BMs. Explain that you just want an idea of what's happening so you don't feel anxious, but you don't want to hurt MOHs feelings. Maybe another bm will give you some hints.

I've tried that - none of them want to step on her toes. I don't want details or even necessarily a date (though a timeframe at least would be nice). But a general idea of what to wear and shop for would be great.

I usually love surprised but this is freaking me out!

I would feel the same way. Surprises are fun and all, she could still give you enough info to be prepared (what date, what to wear/bring). I know I would be uneasy if I was clueless going in.

If she insists on keeping everything a total secret, I would try to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she's planning something she's really excited about. Maybe there's a reason everything needs to be a secret in order to achieve the full effect.

I would be worried too. Did you give her any ideas of what you wanted to do at least? Or any "I definitely don't want to do this" ideas?

I'd flip, too. I haaaaaate not knowing what to expect. And what if she schedules it for when you already have plans? I would tell her what you told us - you appreciate it, but you're already tense with wedding stuff and you need her to at least throw you a bone.

I went through the same thing with my sister, she wanted it to be a surprise I hate surprises! They make me anxious. I enlisted the help of my mom and my sister finally gave me some details. I would sit your MOH down and be serious, tell her what you told us. Be like, listen I appreciate all the work you are putting in but this is ruining the fun for me. I'm anxious and nervous as opposed to excited. If she doesn't tell you anything after that I would question her intentions.

PS I think it is completely unreasonable to not tell you the date.

I would be frustrated. My MOHs had a lot of surprises at my bachelorette party (limo, presents, decorations) while still giving me general ideas of what to expect.

My BP is doing the same exact thing. I know it is going to turn out great as long as STRIPPERS are out the picture. They already know that but if I see one I will be pissed. I don't want no man dancing in my face except for FH. ;-) lol

I'd be frustrated too. Circumvent her at this point. Ask another bridesmaid. I'm sure they won't feel the need to keep the important stuff from you (the date, what to wear, etc). Those are the only things I asked for also, and I was fine with everything else being a surprise (because it turned out awesome!).

That has to be frustrating! I don't know a lot of the details about mine, but at least I know what day and time it is! There's still time for her to give some of the information, maybe she's just waiting till closer to the date!

They should at least tell you the date so you won't plan anything. I made mine do that.

They aren't going to let you go completely unprepared I would imagine. I say go with it and just have fun. I would love it honestly.

Yeah I'd at least want to know the date what if you make other plans? I'd also want to know what to wear.

I would at least want to know the date. My schedule is all over the place so I have to work most Saturday afternoons anyway so I would be peeved if I got a "hey guess what". If anything, have a couple "go to" outfits ready to pull at a moments notice - like a party dress, casual outfit, club wear, etc. so at least you would be prepared in that regard.

I would ask her to just give you small details.. it seems a bit controlling to not tell you anything.

Def the date and what you need to wear. I mean I knew all plans but there were some surprises during the night that the girls did, but your MOH needs to loosen up. this night is for you and last thing you need is stress about.

I'm currently planning my friends bachelorette and she wanted to be surprised.

I still wanted to find out her schedule, (shes a teacher, doing SAT prep on weekends. Not many open days), and above all, where her comfort level was. I have done that. She knows where to be and at what time but thats all.

Your MOH should be doing the same and you have a right to be upset. Try to talk to her about this. Let her know how stressed its making you.

Thanks guys I was starting to feel like I'm being too inflexible and ungrateful. It's nice to know others would feel the same.

I'm hoping to get at least some small bits of information, but I'll just bring a bunch of outfit options to make sure I have something appropriate.

I agree with you! My MOH is a bit older than me and the rest of the girls. She always says she doesn't want to go crazy and party, because she has children and what not. Which is fine! We can have a nice day and dinner but don't get me wrong its my bachelorette I absolutely want to go out drinking and dancing and have a good time - and that is where the other girls come in!

My bachelorette party was starting to be exactly this, the bridesmaid who was planning it refused to tell me anything. I finally told her " I'm not coming if you can't at least tell me where we are going and what I need to pack". She finally realized how silly she was being and I got enough details to hold me over. I hated not knowing, but it all worked out in the end.

Hmm. After reading this, me thinks she hasn't planned anything yet or she's working on several ideas but they haven't panned out yet and so she doesn't have anything to tell you but she doesn't want you to think she hasn't planned it yet. I would sit down with her and tell her your anxieties and ask her if she truly wants you to enjoy it she'll figure out a way to tell you certain things to alleviate your anxieties. Tell her that keeping absolutely everything a secret is not going to have the effect she wants if you can't prepare in some way so you don't feel foolish and embarrassed when it happens. You should feel overwhelmed with excitement and happiness at her thoughtfulness and right now you're just feeling awkward and afraid and she's the cause.