Stepchild Opting out of Bridesmaid Role

Couldn’t your future stepchild just have worn something other than a dress? Did you ask if they’d feel comfortable standing up with you if they were able to wear something more in their style?

Could they just be a bridesperson or groomsperson? And wear something complimentary? Maybe a pant suit or jumpsuit if the dress isn't ideal? Or a skirt? Or different dress?

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They don't feel comfortable in the role because of it's association with femininity. I offered that they could wear whatever they wanted.

Why not ask if they would prefer a suit, or other clothing they are comfortable in? I would think the point is to honour the important relationship, not just have someone in a dress.

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I like the groomsperson idea! I'll mention that one to my FH

First of all, heck yes! Way to be awesome and accepting!
Readings, usher, I'd suggest groomsperson, but that can have gender exclusive expectations as well.

Maybe talk it out and let them know that you'd still love for them to be a part of the wedding. And want them to feel included and important, and ask if they have any specific idea of how they could help you in a meaningful way. I assume gender fluidity and questioning is pretty heavy on their mind, so knowing that you want them to feel important, included, and comfortable is probably going to help them and you when figuring this out.

I would definitely suggest wearing a suit or ANYTHING they feel comfortable in! It’s totally normal to have a mixed-gender bridal party. I attended a wedding recently where my friend (the groom) has 2 sisters and a brother. The brother was best man and the sisters were groomswomen... it wasn’t a “manly” role or anything, he just wanted them on his side because they’re his sisters!


But since they’re your husband’s child, maybe they’d prefer to be on his side anyway, especially if we’re screwing gender norms already? Lol.

I would just tell them that whatever they want is TOTALLY ok. You’d love to have them in your wedding wearing whatever they’re comfortable, standing wherever they’re most comfortable.

Kudos for being accepting too! Youre going to be an awesome stepmom and they’re lucky to have you!

Possibly she could wear what the groomsmen are wearing and stand on her father’s side. That might make her feel more comfortable and less feminine

Did you ask her first, do you want to participate at all? Being in front of a lot of people, knowing they will often discuss the WP appearance ( and not always nicely) may be attention not wanted at this time. And being on Dad's side may make this GS more comfortable, since they are his family, up til wedding time, not yours. So why be on your side. There is no rule that people in wedding parties need to match. It is just something lots of people like to do. Something that coordinated with Father's side but does not match, whether a pants or skirt suit, a jumpsuit, or an evening outfit with Palazzo pants would be fine. It is nice you are being accommodating at a difficult transition time. ****** Help me out, here. I have no problem with addressing someone who prefers neither male or female designations, as they. But they is a singular being here, not a plural one, so do I use verb and modifier endings for the usually plural they, or a singular they. "They are more comfortable in ...". Or "They is more comfortable". ????

View Quoted Comment I've always used "are," as have my gender fluid friends who use "they" as their pronoun. But it can be different for each person. I always ask what he/she/zhe/they prefer! 😊

View Quoted Comment They are excited to participate- just not as brides maid. We haven’t asked them yet about standing with dad. That could be an option.

View Quoted Comment It’s definitely not about the attire. I told them they could wear whatever. They don’t want the role period. That’s why I’m trying to think of other options. I didn’t think a not grooms person and will suggest. Originally i couldn’t come up with anything other than a reading.

I’m sure they really appreciate your understanding on their comfort level on your day! Since it sounds like they are generally uncomfortable being in a bridesperson role, they may feel the same about being a groomsperson, but that is a good suggestion to start at! If it is an all around discomfort with the norms associated with either position, I would see if there is something in particular they would be comfortable doing in order to still partake and feel included. I wouldn’t discredit anything like readings since this may be exactly what they’re xomforavle with. You are clearly already willing to be reasonable, and they are comfortable with being honest with you so i am sure you will come up with something that makes you both happy! ☺️