Step-parents-are they invited to your weddings?

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Thank you, Raye, for your feedback

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That's a beautiful thing, that your step dad invited you. It's wonderful. Not everyone's family dynamics are like that though. Although, I do see where you are coming from. Aw, love the corsage and boutonniere idea. Lovely touch!! I appreciate your feedback, Impatient Bride! Wishing you the best.

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Hey Angerra,

I hear what you're saying. Thank you for your positivity. I appreciate that. It's super awesome that you stepdad and you have a great relationship, and it's unfortunate that your biological dad is not around. My mom isn't invited to my wedding at all. She is a very toxic, cold person, and has no place at my wedding. Thanks for your feedback.

My stepmother is invited. She was a tremendous help in throwing my engagement party. Though I haven't had the greates relationship with her...she is my dad's wife and it made sense within our family dynamic to invite her. I didn't invite my stepbrother, his longterm GF or their children (my step-nephews - if that is even a thing!).

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Hey Brittany!

Thank you for your input. That is SO NICE that your stepmother has helped you with your engagement party. Not everyone has help from their biological parents, much less. So that's wonderful. I hear what you're saying. HAHA step-nephews! That is a new one to me! Love it though. Thank you

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Hey hope you saw my edit and I am sorry that your relationship with your step-mother isn't better.

The nice part, I am learning, about marriage is that you are establishing your own family so (IMO) ridding yourself of troublesome family members seems to be easier.

View Quoted Comment It's your day and some may not agree or like the decisions you make. As long as you and your FH are happy, that's all that matters!

My Dad, who I have little relationship with, is in a long term relationship with a woman I've met only a couple of times. I invited them right bc they are a couple. She declined my invitation and my Dad is coming by himself but they chose that, not me.

View Quoted Comment You feel how you feel. That is legit. But you cannot always act on gut feelings. What if your step mom does not like you. Would you think it right for her to prevent your Dad from every seeing you? Conventions of manners are to minimize friction of common problems. Families would all blow apart, if people could only fall in love and marry or live with those who met the approval if all grandparents, parents, and brothers and sisters, of both people involved. So we have a social convention: If you love someone, and respect them as a capable adult, a friend or family member, then ( barring violence abuse, criminal conduct) you accept their judgment that their SO is a person worthy of basic respect and will always be welcome in your home or your important events. You never have to love or even like them at all. But you need to be civil to them, and them to you. Mutual tolerance. So you do not tear apart the person you both care about. Like her or hate her does not matter. Nor does her feeling toward you. Not worth getting stressed about. At some point, Dad could not tolerate being married to mom, and divorced. Or was widowed and suddenly alone. Be happy for him that he found someone he cares about as you do your FI. Even if you can't see why. He is not a social person living all alone and chronically depressed, living in bars, whatever. He has someone he made a new life with. A new child. And keeps in touch with children from his previous marriage. She isn't all bad. So dislike her with a smile on your face, for the difference she makes in his life. And know that your doing so pleases your father immeasurably. It is a gift to him. And isn't keeping your relationship with him what matters? One day your kids will bring home people they love. Who may dislike you. But you hope, will tolerate you, and you them, so you never lose your child.

Okay/i’m Sure this isn’t going to be popular, but i’ll Present the “other side.” Guess what-because etiquette DEMANDS/REQUIRES me to invite my dad’s wife if I invite him, he didn’t get an invite to his only daughter’s wedding. Why??? My dad’s wife is divisive and insecure and treats me, my brother, and my mom like dirt. I’m having a wedding for 14. It’s not like she is going to get lost in the crowd. I am my mom’s ONLY daughter-i am NOT going to subject her to a confrontation on my wedding day, nor am I going to subject myself and my guests to her drama. My brother offered to “run interference and babysit” her for the whole weekend, but i’d Actually like to interact with my only sibling and enjoy his company on this special day. SO.....I followed etiquette-didn’t want to invite her, so no dad at the wedding. To all the step-parents who posted and said they couldn’t imagine being excluded, i’m Going to go out on a limb and assume you aren’t abusive and don’t treat your step-child’s biological parent like dirt.

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I am so sorry what you are going through.... really sorry. I know, it seems like most people are at least cordial with their step parents. I don't even talk to my step mom. I simply just do not care for her. Seems harsh, but just because she's with my dad, doesn't mean I have to care about her whatsoever. I honestly don't want her there,but... yeah I may have to take the high road on this one. Every family dynamic is different, and that needs to be understood. Not everyone has a great relationship with an aunt, or an uncle or even a sibling... it has to be determined whether or not you really want these people at your wedding, you know? I so appreciate your feedback!!

I think every guest's spouse MUST be invited, and must be seated with them. The parent who was primarily responsible for raising you (usually, but not always the mom) gets the seat on the aisle in the front row. After dad walks you down the aisle, he can either rejoin his wife in the second row, or walk around the far side (if there are side aisles) or if all parties agree, the mom (and her DH, if any) move out to let him sit next to them.

I do not think that stepparents need corsages, etc. That is optional.

I agree that they get the invite. They are a big part of your parent's life.

From your other post, I wouldn’t invite your mom or stepmom.

My stepmom is invited to my wedding.

Unless you think she will do something to ruin your day or cause a scene at the wedding I think you should just invite her. She is, after all married to your father and you would be doing it more for him than anything.

Ultimately it is your decision but it may be easier for you and your father's relationship to invite his wife.

Good luck!

I actually don't have a problem with my step mom but my father. I wanted to just invite my step mom and kids but found that if both weren't invited my step mom would refuse to come.

Before we all jump the gun and say that you're going to ruin your relationship with your father or burn bridges with the rest of your family, why don't you first consider talking to your dad about it? I understand that it possibly could be a difficult conversation but I'm sure he knows there's some issues and you could explain your point of view you make be able to get what you want in the long run. I do feel that if you were to just NOT invite her without an explanation I could see why they would get upset but I think if you have a chance to explain yourself it might turn out better than expected.

If that is not an option it is ultimately your choice. You just have to choose which would cause less drama. Invite her and ignore her all night? Or don't invite her and hear her cry and complain for not being invited?

Invite them if they're married to one of your parents. It's like giving a friend a plus one.

It is your wedding. Your day. You get to invite whoever you want. Especially if you can only invite a certain amount of people. You shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable or upset at your wedding it’s your special day!! If you do not get along with your step mom, DO NOT INVITE HER!! That can cause problems. You shouldn’t have to even think about inviting her if you don’t want to. Don’t let people tell you it’s rude, it’s your day. It needs to be all about you.

It is extremely rude not to invite the husband or wife of a family member or friend, unless they have done something violent, or criminal, or really horrible to you. If you do not invite your stepmother, you are being really rude to your Dad. That is his wife. If you don't invite a step father, you are being really rude to your mother. All your married life, your husband's family needs to be polite and respectful to you. Because they love him, they must accept his wife. And your family must accept your husband, whether they like him or not. Because they love you. So, whether you like your step parent or not, show respect for your own patent by being polite and respectful of their chosen mates. There are enough families out there with a log of ugliness, people who make no effort to respect each other's families. Start your marriage off right, being kind . Otherwise, your family will not be together ever, for holidays or special occasions, long term. Because your parents will not accept anyone being unkind to their own spouse. Sometimes it is hard letting a stranger in to family. But it is cruel to be the one rejected, so you be nice to her and hope over time, you are at least casual friends. And expect the same from her .