Step-parents-are they invited to your weddings?

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Hey Sydney!

Thank you for your input. It was nice of her to help pay for your wedding.

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I hear what you're saying. Thank you

As someone's soon-to-be stepmom, I'm loving all of the posts agreeing to invite the stepparents. I'd feel awful if I weren't invited to my step son's wedding. We will probably never have a close relationship because his mother has full custody and lives 10 hours away. But if only my husband was invited, we'd feel awful

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Even putting etiquette aside, you should invite her just to be the bigger person. Don't stoop to her level or be petty. Instead, host her with grace and lead by example. Besides not inviting her may destroy the already strained relationship with your father. Is it worth it just to get back at her?

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Thank you for your perspective!

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Its rare stepparents aren't complicated. You know your family dynamics better than anyone. At the end of the day, you have to weight the drama scale. I know we have a couple of people we would prefer not to invite but the drama caused by not inviting them would be way worse than any drama caused by inviting them. If you really don't want her there and you have a really good relationship with your dad maybe get his thoughts.

Yes, my stepfather and my fiance's stepmother are invited to the wedding. I can't imagine inviting my mother and not her husband.

If you only invite your father and brother and exclude your step mother and step sister your dad may decide not to come. Honestly if someone didn't invite my spouse I would RSVP no. I guess you have to ask yourself if you are willing to risk your dad and brother not being there if you don't invite your step mother/sibling.

I don't mean to overstep, but you aren't giving your dad enough credit here. It's easy to blame your step mom for your relationship with your dad, but in the end he chose to change the dynamic. He's an adult with agency and unless she physically prevented him from having a relationship with you in the end that's on him. I know it's easier to blame her for your relationship with him but if he wanted to have a closer relationship with you he would.

Both my parents are remarried. Dad’s wife is disabled and unable to attend. Darn. My mother’s husband is just an all around jerk and I don’t want him there. I don’t care how rude it is. I say that, but I’m sure someone will guilt me into inviting him. Ugh.

I would say yes you have to invite your stepparent since they are married to your parent... I assume the parent would be very upset to not have their spouse present at their own child's wedding.

The only exception would be if the stepparent has actively mistreated you and you have reason not to want them there! If it's just that you aren't close, you still have to invite them. There are a few people that FH and I have never even met on our guest list... my great uncle's girlfriend, and a couple of my friends' significant others. Of course we don't really care about having those people we have literally 0 relationship with at our wedding... but I do care about my great uncle and my friends, so we'll be inviting their significant others as well.

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^referencing my previous post, I would say this is the exception to not inviting a stepparent! You shouldn't invite anyone who is actively a jerk to you, stepparent or not.

View Quoted Comment Thanks. He hasn’t had the chance to be a jerk in a long time. Haven’t seen him in almost nine years and only recently saw my mother for the first time in that long. At this point even her invite is questionable.

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I'm so sorry, that's awful!

My stepmom is invited purely for etqiuette reasons and to not start drama in the family. We don't really have a good relationship (although she tries now with some pathetic attempts to be "friends," lol) but i have a lot of resentment because she sefishly and intentionally strained the relationship between me and my dad the year after my mom died.

AND THEN she threw a fit because I didn't originally have her in the procession. That was a doozy

I do have a relationship and I am inviting them. I am also inviting my step grandparents and fiancé’s moms long term bf and his dads gf. I feel like everyone should have their SO or spouse there if they want. Not letting my mom and stepdad bring plus ones - they’re divorced - because too much drama and they don’t have SOs so it would just be some random person. Don’t need the jealousy and fighting.

As a step parent to be (well, I have helped raise these kids for the last 5 years) I would be devastated if I wasn't invited to one of their weddings. I love them like my own. I don't have the kind of relationship with the oldest son that I have with the 2 younger kids. He was older and moved out shortly after I moved in. He is very much like his mother (that is not a dig, it is just a fact) and that has put a strain not only on our relationship, but his relationship with FH. But even so, I have treated him like he is my son like all of the other kids and I hope that he sees that.

As a PP stated..I would hesitate to place all of the blame on your step mom for how your dad acted in the past. He is an adult, he could have changed the relationship he had with you. No way in he!! I would ever get married and not have my kids there. So that is on him. Best thing is to tell him how you are feeling and try to move past it together.

Best of luck to you on your day! I hope it is drama free!

My stepdad is awesome and I call him my dad so he's definitely invited; no question. My "father" is not around and hasn't been for a while so he's not invited; I haven't even told him that I'm engaged.
In your case, I would extend the invitation only because of your parent who their married to and allow him/her to make the decision on whether they attend or not. Hopefully, if they do attend, they can be cordial towards you!

Thank you all so much for your much needed feedback. I understand that they should be invited as a social unit, regardless of personal relationship. Sometimes, it's hard to let go of certain things that has happened in the past. Especially considering besides the birth of my two daughters, my wedding is the most exciting, important events coming up in my life... and I only want the closest people around me and my FH. I love my dad but... I guess I have to suck it up.

My mother and father are both deceased. As for their husbands or wives, regardless of if they were together when they passed or not. I am not inviting any of my stepparents. But I believe the etiquette changes since my parents are deceased and I dont hav anymore than a snapchat relationship with any of them. If my parents were alive and married yes, I'd have to Invite them. When you invite someone generally they get a plus one. The host does not get to cherry pick the guests plus ones, in my opinion.

Erm I am confused.. I'm pretty sure if you invite someone you are REQUIRED to invite their spouse. I can understand not wanting them in all of the family pictures, but you can't not invite your parent's spouse.

My step dad adopted me and he will be walking me down the isle.

both of FHs parents remarried. their spouses will be there and even in most pictures. they will also get a corsage and a boutonniere and be escorted down the isle.

we will be taking one picture with FH his mom and his dad with no step parents

**edit**

I want to apologize as I think my post may sound rude. also I am second guessing my advice. I think every rule no matter how clear has some grey area. I have an aunt for instance that I am very close to and very much want her and her boys to come. Her husband however should be in prison and some old things are recently bubbling to the surface. I plan to have a heart to heart with my aunt and explain that I really want her and her boys at my wedding but that her husband is not invited. She currently has no idea what happened in the past so I am hopping she will understand and that maybe they won't be married much longer but that is my own personal battle I don't expect strangers to understand. If your relationship with your step mom is really that bad and you understand that this will likely permanently burn bridges with her and your step sister, and you understand your father may not come, then do what you have to.