Step Children

I have two children from a previous marriage and didn't ask their dad about their participation in the wedding. He had a long-time live-in girlfriend (recently broke up) but I always knew that if they were going to get married, I would never expect to be asked for my permission for the kids to be involved. They are his children just as much as they are mine.

As for our ceremony, FH is going to have a little gift for them and will present it to them during the ceremony. The officiant will make a reference to us becoming a new family, etc but there will be no vows. Vows to step-children don't "skeeve me out," but I would rather FH and I be the only ones making actual "vows" to one another. They will be part of the wedding, though. My daughter will be a co-MOH and my son will walk me down the aisle.

Totally got sucked into the mess with sara and my own experience and completely forgot to answer OP's question. I don't think you need to ask bio-mom's permission, but if she is going to be present it might be nice to give her the heads up. I'm sure that will be an emotional moment for her.

@sara - Thank you for your input!

Hey NearlyThere! Just ignore Sara, if anyone needs to be slapped with the Code of Conduct to be nice, it's her.

I will be doing 'Family Vows' after my vows to FH to show that we are a family, even though I will be his step-mom legally. He is 10.

Here's an exert of it if you'd like to use it or base something off it!

“I give you my home, that you may know where you belong; my hands, to pick you up when you fall; and my heart, that you may always know that you are loved. May our lives be filled with joy and peace."

I will also be doing a small 'first look' with him where I will pin the 'Grape Soda' Ellie badge (from Up) on his suit and spend a minute to talk to him and make sure he knows I'm marrying his father, but he's my son. And he will be treated no different than the kids me and FH will have.

Good grief. Let's all just take a minute to thank the good lord baby jesus that we are not the children of Sara B mid- or post- divorce.

Someone seems a bit bitter...but I will refrain from naming said person.

To the topic at hand...I think doing the vows is lovely. You are not replacing their mom but becoming a bonus mom. If mom (FH's ex) is secure in her life she shouldn't see a problem. Telling her you plan to include them in the ceremony is all you (and by you I mean FH) need to do. She doesn't need the specifics.

Thank you ladies!

Ally, that brought tears to my eyes, absolutely beautiful! You sound like a great step mum!

I'm choosing to ignore Sara from here on in. There's obviously some deeper issues there..

We are inviting bio mum and her husband because we have a good relationship, although it wasn't always the case. It took time, effort and patience from both ends to be at the place we are now. She appreciates that her daughters love me and have a mother figure when she isn't there. Eldest SD had a fight with her best friend recently and was in tears and refused to talk to anyone but me! That was a huge deal for me. Bio mum has even bought me a mothers day gift the past few years. I'm very lucky!

ChocolatierKT - Your explanation of the vows is my exact outlook on them. I'm not just becoming a wife, I am becoming part of a blended family and his girls are a huge part of that.

In Australia, bio mums basically have 100% of the rights to a child. The reason I didn't want to "rock the boat" was because of this and the risk that she COULD just say that the girls aren't allowed to come. I don't think it will come to that, but that was my fear. I think I'm going to mention it to her in passing at the next drop off

Sara, I don't think anyone has mentioned having the kids make a commitment to the step parent. But it's totally appropriate for the parents to promise to protect and support the kids.

OP you are blessed to have such a good relationship with your FSD's bio mom. Kudos to you and FH for keeping it that way. Whatever you do, I know it will be beautiful.