Stay Classy, Not Trashy

Don't invite them. Seriously. Who will be mad at you if you don't? I would think it would be a much worse scene to throw out the obnoxious distant relatives for poor dress or behavior. It's not worth the stress on your big day. As for the wording for guests you do invite, "black tie formal" should be sufficient.

Listen to soulmates. staying classy starts with the bride and groom

This is going to be rude - but do not listen to those saying to put "black tie formal". Like Amy S said, you dont say that, unless you actually ARE having black tie formal. Black tie is ballgown, literally black suit & tie, go all out fancy. If you are not having that kind of seriously formal wedding, you dont put that. To the few guests that do know what "black tie" means, like Amy said, they are gonna show up in such & look pretty out of place when everyone else is underdressed, compared to them.

Put "church formal" or just "formal evening wear". It's not as fancy as black tie, but it still lets everyone know to dress up. Getting into specific dress code is too boss-y, but I'd suggest putting "please no casual" or something.

On my website, I talked about weather being the main factor "As the wedding is in Feb and there is a possibilty of rain, please dress accordingly with formal winter attire". Easy to understand, but not exactly saying do this or else

"That's not what I want to look out and see."

I would like to see my relatives -- no matter how they are dressed.

I've officiated weddings where a guest or two was dressed too casually or too slutty, but it is a reflection on them -- not on the B&G.

I agree with Nafina on this one. I also agree with PPs on saving yourself the headache and striking these people from your guest list.

Hmm. This is a tough one.

1) Why do you feel that you have to invite them? I read that it's out of respect for your late grandmother, so was inviting them one of her dying wishes?

2) You mentioned that you only see them for reunions and funerals. Is there a chance, then, that they might not be interested in coming to the wedding?

I agree with those who are saying don't invite them. It seems like such a hassle that you'll have to go through if you do.

If you're set on inviting them, then I think writing "evening attire" or "semi-formal" attire is fine. That said, you still run the risk of them not coming in what you wish. If they're the type of people to open a can of beer in the church, they might be the kind of people who laugh at your dress request and ignore it.

Amy, you said it perfectly. Traditionally, black tie is so formal that it requires a tuxedo. In reality, black tie events are pretty rare. If I received a wedding invitation that added "black tie", I'd contact the couple to determine (politely) if they understood the definition of black tie.

And as for turning away people who look like sluts....ouch. I'm at weddings all the time, and I can tell you that women in their 20's typically wear very tight, very short dresses. Actually, plenty of women wear shorter dresses to weddings, even into their 40's. If these guests were actually turned away because of their fashion choices, the disinviting couples would be stuck with quite a few empty chairs.

Since you would have no problems having security turn them away, then I wouldn't even invite them. Save the headache and the money.

I agree with Gypsy wife. And blacktie formal can be evening gown, not just ball gown. However if you are not having a black tie gala type wedding then semi-formal wear is better to say

Don't invite them. Fixes everything.

Also, your wedding sounds more like it's semi formal than black tie. Knee length is iffy at best for black tie, and pantsuits would get stares at a black tie event(at least they would at a Marine Corps Ball). If you aren't requiring tuxes it's not black tie.

White Tie in first image. Black tie in second. These dress codes are pretty specific.

Yup. Agreeing. Don't invite them. And for the record "black tie" does indeed mean a tux for men and floor length formalwear for the ladies. There are lots of ways to tactfully tell distant relatives they are not invited. There's no way to tactfully tell anyone they are too white-trash to know how to dress themselves for a wedding, even if they are.

I appreciate all of the input, and will take it to heart as I edit my website. My family dynamics are somewhat complicated. Truth be told, I don't want to invite any of them, but when my grandmother and I discussed guest list right before she died, she was really hopeful that I would include her side of the family. I'm really torn as to what I should do at this point. I'm hopeful that I will find some clarity on this through speaking to my father and God, since they seem to be the two closest to the situation. I'm sure my dad will agree with you ladies about striking them from the guest list (lol).

With regard to the "kicking out" of folks for their attire, I did give that second thought. However, I will be adamant about dress length and coverage, and I will have shawls available for the ushers to give to those who don't have enough respect to dress appropriately for the house of the Lord. In the end, it's not even about FH or myself. It's about respect for God and His house of worship

Excellent take on everything, whimsy! everyone here is looking out for your best interests.

i am sure grandma would understand, too

Kind of like how I used weather to explain attire, you could do that with church. It's truthful & the ultimate reasoning for you. Some people dont know how to respect other's wishes, but it's practically blasphemy to disrespect church requirements/ettiquette. I'm not christian & the last I stepped foot in a church was my sister's funeral 9 yrs ago. But I'm not an idiot, I know how to be appropriate for church. Your family hopefully knows the same. Good luck!

Love it! Thank you, Wendy!

So i dont see an issue with security turning them away, many country clubs have dress code requirements, and you won't be allowed in of you don't meet the requirement.

I would consider telling people that the venue has a requirement and admission will be denied to those who are out of compliance.

I understand the need to tell people about a dress code, i have several family members (my dad included) who dont own dress clothing- he is a blue collar guy who wears a uniform. So he has no need to own a tie. Jeans at weddings are pretty acceptable in my family circle, if I was having a formal wedding I would have to let my family know.

We actually have to tell FI's family to tone it down for our wedding- they would show up in ball gowns. Ballgowns and heals do not mix with the woods. Ha.

Add "Formal Attire Required" to the invitation.

Why are people on WW so mean these days? sheesh.

anyways...it's your wedding. tell them to dress any way you want them to. no regrets!

I agree with the formal dress code and not black tie. I put an insert with my invitations stating cocktail attire and website info stating they can rsvp inmine and look at our FAQs section.

In the FAQs i explained and gave examples of things for men and women to wear and flat out put "please no jeans, shorts or t-shirts"

It's her party and she'll be rude if she wants to...

Everyone has different views and to each their own.

Some of us may consider this to be "rude" but if it works for her, then I say she does it.