So, I may have messed up... Church Wedding vs. Venue Wedding

Wow there's a whole lot of untruths about the Catholic Church in this thread!

Yes, technically, a Catholic preist can marry a couple outside the Catholic Church. But as far as I know this is incredibly rare and only for extenuating circumstances -- like one of the couple is confined to a hospital bed type of extenuating. A priest can provide a blessing at a ceremony outside the Church but this is NOT the same thing as the sacrament of marriage. It will not be recognized by the Catholic Church. OP, it is highly unlikely that you will ever find a priest to do this just because you didn't think of it in time.

A convalidation is the Catholic sacrament that occurs after a couple is legally married. This is NOT the same as a Catholic blessing of a marriage. This is an actual sacrament and a ceremony and it will require pre-cana and for you to meet the other requirements of the diocese. OP, I'm glad you called your priest already because this may be your most likely option. DIfferent churches have different rules for convalidations. Some will only do them in extenuating circumstances while others are more liberal. It's all going to depend on that individual church. It will be very unlikely that you will find a church in the area with your date available. The timing of a Sunday wedding will be dictated by the church's mass schedule and whether a priest is willing and able to say the ceremony. And some dioceses do have a 6 month requirement. It's not just about pre-cana (you can do that on a Saturday), but some require you to establish a relationship with the priest or deacon and to attend counseling. It's all going to depend on the church.

I'm sorry you didn't think of it until now. It is unfortunate that the Church has these technical requirements in place that can impact a couple so seriously, but it is what it is!

I know I'm white knighting here, but I get changing your mind on this. We decided super late in the game to have a rabbi officiate our ceremony. For like 10 months of planning we were set on a secular ceremony with a judge. We did a 180 after attending a friend's Jewish ceremony and DH getting really emotional and nostalgic about his cultural upbringing. I think those feelings were always sort of in the background, but seeing a ceremony while planning ours, coupled with the fact that the matriarch of his family had passed away (who had handed down a lot of his traditions) made us change our thoughts. We were lucky that our religion makes it a little easier to do that than OP's.

I don't know OP's situation, but just want to note that these aren't always easy, black and white decisions for everyone.

I am from LI and am getting married at a church that I am not a member of because it is close to the venue. They accommodated us, but we do need to pay about $300 more than a member of their parish would have to pay. Our pre Cana was only about a month long, but only offered once a year. I would call a bunch of churches in the area. You will likely find one that will accommodate you.

Michelle, I second what a lot of people have already said. It's too late to totally change it now. My suggestion would be to plan a separate ceremony at the Church another day with maybe just your parents.

If you didn't want to get married in a church then why would care I'd they recognized it or not? I mean really the church doesn't have the dictatorship of marriage. It doesn't make it any less legal or valid if the church 'doesn't recognize' it. That's like saying "omg My coffee cup doesn't recognize that I'm married."

Get married where you want.

JoRocka - because getting married in the Church is a big deal for Catholics. A Catholic who gets married outside of the Church is considered not in good standing and shouldn't receive Communion until the situation is resolved.

@JoRocka. I love you... But when it comes to Catholicism there are very big technicalities and some deeply ingrained things with that faith that many cant explain and sown times are like "why am I doing this." For example, not having your marriage recognized by the church essentially makes your marriage invalid. In Catholicism if you haven't had your marriage recognizes any time you have sex is considered pre-marital sex and considered a sin. Any children would be considered bastards. It's really hard for some of us to reconcile. I had to get my first marriage annulled by the church or else what I would be doing with my husband, even though legally married, would be considered Adultery in the eyes of the church. Basically though, since I didn't go through the church for any recognition it was ruled as though it had never happened.

Michelle...you're doing the right thing. You're calling around to see what churches are available. From there that parish will be able to help you navigate the process from today to your wedding day.

From my own experience, the churches in my area would not perform a wedding ceremony on Sunday (the whole keep holy the Lord's day). With masses Sunday morning and some churches having Sunday evening masses, it gets to be a long day for the priest. While that doesn't sound hopeful for your wedding date, as you have already read, parishes vary in their rules.

I will also say our pre-cana requirements only had a weekend (Friday night and all day Saturday) retreat. In my diocese (Minnesota) they have these retreats once a month. We also have to meet with either the deacon or a couple for counselling after we took our FOCCUS inventory. There's also the natural family planning session.

If you can find a church/priest willing to meet your day, you'll be fine. I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you

I guess I don't see the issue if you aren't practicing and aren't active in the community then why bother. It seems... Like an effort for the wrong reasons. I don't begrudge anyone their faith but I've never understood the random attachment to things that aren't part of their lives at only certain times of their lives. It feels like unnecessary added strain for no reason.

Not saying someone shouldn't do something that's important but. I don't know why you would want to stress yourself out over it. That's all.

I would check with the churches. My pre-Cana class is just one day and we've only met with the priest once prior to it. Sounds like every church does things differently. My church also said I could take pre-Cana anywhere and they would recognize it. I live in nyc now but am getting married in my hometown upstate. My home church only offers pre Cana once a year while in nyc they have it every weekend throughout the city.

If you don't practice and you're not part of a community, there is no reason for you to get married in a Catholic Church. And no, most priests (who are real) won't come to your venue.

I'm lost on this, honestly. It seems disingenuous to have a wedding in a pretty church for the sake of being married in a pretty church or pleasing your parents.

It's like how empty churches fill up on Christmas and Easter.......that's not what it's about.