So, I may have messed up... Church Wedding vs. Venue Wedding

Dispensation to marry outside the church will only be granted if you and your fiancé are in good standing with the church. The circumstances around why you are marrying outside the church have to be deemed acceptable by the bishop. I know of one couple granted this dispensation and it took a year for them to find out. They also had to do the pre-cana.

Co-validation is not always an option, it depends on the priest and the diocese.

Jessie, we aren't in "bad standing?" lol -- we've both received all the necessary sacraments growing up, are both RC.

@EleanorRigby, I am not on any high horse, I'm pretty sure you are the one that said "but what do I know" and I responded to that. I agree all Catholic churches are different. And when I explained how important it was for my DH and I to get married in the church I was talking about us, not you or your DH. Excuse me if I touched a nerve, I am far from Catholic Judgey I was just explaining the importance to us for our marriage to be performed inside a church.

@Michelle. Ok, let me try this again. Not all parishes are as strict as others. As to why I wouldn't get married in the church I have just moved here last year and it isn't "my church" in fact, no church will be except my childhood church. FH is from Nevada, plenty of reasons as to why we can't/won't get married in either of our childhood churches.

The priest I talked to here in Wyoming told me that if we don't get married in the church that we can go through the other stuff later and get it blessed by the church.

I talked to the priest here about that and that was an option HE OFFERED, coming from the strict Lincoln Diocese (strictest this side of the Mississippi River) I doubt that would have been an option but he offered it.

At this point, all you can do is ask your local priest.

No, they generally will not do outdoor weddings, even in Wyoming.

Unfortunately we can't tell you because we don't know about your church and the diocese rules.

Just call and ask.

Eta: my "what do I know" was sarcastic.

Antiquated or not the catholic church has very specific requirements on how and where you can get married and have it recognized. Just because your brothers friends cousin was granted a rare exception does not mean that is always the case.

Michelle some of the people here have no idea what they are talking about, I would encourage you to go through and read Sarah's comments specifically.

OK this question may sound really dumb, I don't know, I am not very religious.

If the church wont recognise your legal wedding - can't you just (for lack of a better word) Get "married again" at the church? That way it is recognised by the church? At a church ceremony would you usually sign the marriage certificate? I honestly, I have no clue about this..

I guess Im wondering why they wouldnt want to bless it if religion has nothing to do with the law and vice versa. Apologies in advance if I sound like an idiot lol

Thanks Sarah, FH has no desire to get married in Church. Neither did I.

This is an emotional roller coaster of a time. Feelings/opinions change... it happens.

@Michelle, do you go to church regularly and assist with masses? This is what the church considers "good standing" at least in the case of the couple I know. They had to be contributing members of the parish in which they wished to be married in.

Actually I'm WITH JadedRaven. I get it your stressed, things are happening but if you knew you wanted to get married and have it recognized how was that not the first thing on your list? Take it how you'd like but the first thing FH and I discussed was what type of ceremony we'd like and if we wanted it recognized anywhere. THEN we set a venue and date.

@EleanorRigby I just gave my childhood church a call, spoke to the Priest, waiting on a call back, being Good Friday Mass and all.

This thread seems to suggest you can do the pre cana requirements pretty quickly if you're willing to sit through long sessions instead of spreading it out: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/calling-all-my-catholic-brides-who-are-already-married-or-done-pre-cana/e75c3cb0d7779e72.html

If that's the case, and you can find a priest that will sort of fast track you, it seems the only hurdle is the Sunday date. Can you have a small private ceremony in the Church the week of your wedding and just have the reception on 8/21 as planned?

I agree that you need to get on the phone ASAP, but it does seem like there's SOME solution here albeit maybe not ideal.

Call the church thats in Mattituck, I am not catholic but have been there many times with my step mom. It is BEAUTIFUL! It is also only a 20 minute drive. I will try to see if I can find any recommendations from friends back home! Are you getting married at East Wind?!! If so wow its so pretty there!

@wine'osaurusrex Understood. For us, the conversation was always to "not" get married in church. That's why this wasn't an issue until now. Have you never had a change of heart?

The only outdoor ceremony my priest has ever officiated was one where the FH's father was a minister of another church and that church allowed for marriages to be outside and the fact that one spouses father was a minister of a different Christian sect was the only valid reason (in the eyes of the bishop here) to allow for an outdoor wedding performed by both the father of the FH and the priest. He said that, otherwise, he's never done an outdoor wedding.

@Liz, that looks beautiful!! Thank you, I'll definitely give them a call!

I have. But not about something as important as our wedidng ceremony and what we want.

You also stated "Thanks Sarah, FH has no desire to get married in Church. Neither did I."

This sounds like you have had a change of heart not both of you. How does he feel about your new desire to be married in the church? This should be about what both of you want not just one of you. I could be misreading that though.

Could you do a small, private ceremony at the church prior to your planned reception? Similar to couples that elope and then come home and have a big reception with all their friends and family? That would give you a lot more flexibility in working with your church's schedule.

Like others have said, call around and you might find a solution. Every church is different. I'm not baptized but it was important for FH and his family that we be married in a Catholic Church, and we plan on raising our children catholic, and our church didn't mind marrying us. Some do. Our pre-Cana experience was not involved at all and we did have to have a few meetings with the priest but we didn't have a mandatory 6-month or other time period. We could have done it pretty rapidly. I bet you're going to be able to find a church where you be married by calling around.

I'd lay low on the snide comments though, people are just giving their opinions... When OPs get super defensive and snippy it makes other posters not really want to help.

@puppybagel Thank you. Yes, we need to do things ASAP, that's obvious. I've heard of a fast-tracked pre-canna.

I've heard of people having a Sunday church wedding.

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