So, I may have messed up... Church Wedding vs. Venue Wedding

Kristy, that varies by country. In some countries, religious officiants don't function as the civil witnesses and the ceremonies are kept separate.

In the U.S., priests are also officiants and you sign the marriage license that same day. The reason the Church would frown on doing the legal ceremony and then doing the church ceremony later is that you wouldn't actually be married in the eyes of the Church yet, but presumably if you're civilly married first, you would start living together. There are cases where people get legally married and then become Catholic later, or there are other extenuating circumstances, and in that case a convalidation can be granted where the Church blesses your marriage and recognizes it. But a convalidation shouldn't be viewed as a loophole.

Michelle, I'm glad you called, I hope everything works out for you!

Thank you @Marion I appreciate you taking the time to write back and help out!

@Liz, yes East Wind -- thank you for the link as well!

@Mikey & Liz, if you're not a member of THAT church pretty churches like that can cost a pretty penny. One we looked at in Park City Utah wanted $5k for a one hour service and that didn't include the cost of the priest or musicians. Also, those pretty churches get booked really really quickly and it's probably already too late.

@Michelle. I understand your change of heart. My FH was all for doing the church wedding but so much happened that he just got even more disenchanted than he already is. The church here is not my childhood church and it's, honestly, very ugly. FH doesn't want to do the classes either. I'm hoping to eventually persuade him but we'll see. I understand change of heart because maybe he will have his and we can get "married in the church" or have it blessed or whatever.

Catholics aren't as unforgiving as they used to be.

You can get special dispensation for getting married outside of a church. My understanding is that it takes a little while for that to go through, I would recommend looking into it right away. Also, talk to your Priest he may be able to give you advice on what to start doing first. You need to do wedding Prep.

Having my own wedding in a Catholic Church in downtown Denver. My sister is getting married by a Priest but it wont be in the Catholic Church - it will be in a chapel so I know it is possible.

@Liz, do you know the name of that church??

Thank you @Rebecca!

If a Catholic wedding is important to you and your FH, maybe you should ask your venue if they will allow you to change your date. This would give you more time to find a church and go through the pre-marital process. What is more important to you? Having your marriage recognized by the church or the nice party?

We aren't changing the date, but thank you.

EleanorRigby....Mattituck NY is a population of 4,000 people. The odds are truly in her favor for having that date available. As for the cost of the ceremony, neither you or I know her budget. It could or could not be something she can afford. I was simply giving her an option of a catholic church that is 20 minutes away from her reception venue, instead of an hour away. Considering she would have to take the Long Island Expressway or State Route 48 to get there, AND it is in the middle of tourist season for Eastern Long Island, I'm going to say it could take up to 2 hours to get there if she can book her local church in Nassau county.

Oh Michelle, get over yourself. If you go back and read, you'll see that my FIRST response was an idea to try to help. Yes, we all have change of heart, sure. But as someone who was once VERY religious, and practiced my religion of that time, I knew what it took to have things equivalent to Catholic sacraments done. It wasn't something that just "dawned"on me one day; that I would need to take classes before being baptized, or whatever the case may be. So if I say I don't get how this happens, then I mean I don't get how this happens. And yeah, we are all stressed brides, but we didn't all suddenly do a 180 on something as serious as our ceremony being in a church or not. And there is nothing wrong with the fact that you have had a change of heart and want that now. But as I said, it's baffling to me how something so important is also something you seemed to know little about (in terms of requirements).

@Liz, we'll already be in Riverhead -- staying overnight so we don't have to worry about traveling the day of

@JadedRaven, you are a smart lady!

I don't think it's too late for you. We have done our classes, but all pretty recently, so you aren't too far behind us in that area, although we did book our church 1+ year out. Hopefully you are able to find somewhere available who is willing to do a ceremony for you! Good luck and keep us posted!

@JadedRaven, again, the original plan was a firm NO to getting married at church. So yes, I did have a magical 180 turn and change my mind. Yes, I knew about pre-canna, but being that a church wedding wasn't in the plans, scheduling pre-canna wasn't a factor. That is how this happens.

Best of luck w/your upcoming marriage.

Can you set up a small wedding in the Catholic Church for just you two and maybe parents a couple days before your venue wedding? That could help expand your options.

You have a few options:

1. Move your wedding day to a day other than Sunday since it tends to get busy for them.

2. Have a small private church wedding earlier and have a celebration on August 21st.

3. Not get married in the church.

I personally am having a wedding similar to 2 for personal reasons. A small Catholic ceremony and then a huge blessing by my friend who is a Lutheran Pastor. But if you want a church wedding you better hurry.

If neither you or you fiance want to get married in the church than why the hell are you doing it...

More of an FYI for people:

a roman catholic priest will NOT marry you outside of the church - Mrs B is absolutely correct, you are in the house of God, that is the whole point. if you do not understand that than you prob shouldn't be getting married in a church

a catholic and a non catholic CAN get married in the church and have it recognized as a sacrament, however it will be only a ceremony and not a mass

So from a "firm no" to suddenly need to have it on something as serious and important to the Catholic faith as one of the Holy Sacraments? Yeah, ok. Good luck finding a church, and believe it or not, I really do mean that, I don't want any bride's day to be less than what she hoped.

@Michelle I know what you're going through (sort of) since I got into a fight with my first venue and had to switch venues halfway through planning (long story). Wishing you luck and keep us updated!