Small wedding, stepsiblings

If they are not a regular part of your life, don’t invite them. Only invite people you are close to whom you interact with and can’t imagine the day without.

Were you closer with your actual stepsiblings in any way when you were younger? If so I would just invite them and spouses but not the rest of the family.

View Quoted Comment One of them, yes. Maybe 10 years ago or so? I was a bridesmaid at her wedding around that time and she’s been texting me asking how planning is going which makes me feel bad bc she’s currently not on my guest list. The others not at all. I just feel like if I invite one, I have to invite all?

View Quoted Comment You do not have to invite everyone. If you are close to one sibling but not another, only invite the one you are close to, along with their significant other.

Only the most important ones shall be invited.It is your wedding day and need to do only what makes YOU happy

Only invite people that you can’t imagine not sharing your special day with. Some people might get their feelings hurt but that’s just how it goes, especially when you are trying to keep to a smaller wedding size.

With most people, third cousins or coworkers, you need to have an active social relationship to invite them. But with siblings and step brothers and sisters, unless there is active hate or violence, you should at least give an invitation. Half may decline, or more. You do not have to swear love forever to your stepfather. But you do don't have to slap him in the face after 16 years, either. Step sibs, if not their kids, should be invited.

I agree with Judith! Absent extraordinary circumstances (narcissistic or abusive behavior), family is family and they deserve an invite.

We extended an invitation to my husband's half-brother's family and were super excited to celebrate with them. It turns out that their son has a baseball game that Saturday and they are of the opinion that a run-of-the-mill baseball game for an 11 year old supersedes their brother's wedding.

Remember that people will decline to attend! We invited 65 but only 42 are attending. While I was hoping that all 65 would attend (as they were all close friends/family), it simply wasn't the case.

Personally, I would invite them. Although you aren't close to them, they are still family.

View Quoted Comment No way. It would be so incredibly rude to only invite one. Invite them all (with their significant others), but you don’t have to invite their kids necessarily.

View Quoted Comment The original post says she and fiancé are trying to keep the guest list small and specifically says she has ‘never been close to (her) stepfamily’. Only one has come forward with any interest. Why invite people you clearly say you are not close to? Is it to please other people who are not the bride and groom paying for the wedding? Why is getting together another time as OP says is customary not an option in this case?

View Quoted Comment It’s seriously sooo stressful! Lol.


My stepdad doesn’t have any strong feelings towards us inviting or not inviting them— which makes it even harder— if he had strong feelings towards it, I would respect them, but he understands we aren’t close. Definitely no bad feelings about each other at all— we ALL get along. Like I said, we only see each other once or twice a year, we don’t text/talk to each other on the phone/social media.... Out of the 4 years we’ve been together my fiancé has only met them briefly a handful of times.
The 52 people we do have are all immediate family and 4 of our best friends w/their SO. We couldn’t even invite all of my FH family because they are so big. Adding 11 people wouldn’t be cheap at all, but I DO consider them family, so it’s hard.
Side note:My stepbrother had a small intimate ceremony that my brother and I weren’t invited to, and later had a vow renewal with a larger gathering a few years ago (which we won’t be doing) so if we don’t invite them I’d hope they’d understand?
Just so hard because we have to draw the line somewhere! Just not sure where.

View Quoted Comment Who is super important to your fiancé who is not on the list? Cut all the stepsiblings and make sure fiancé’s important people are invited.


At another time (maybe this summer or next) have a family reunion bbq/picnic at a large park for both sides where everyone pays their own way. Also cuts out your financial responsibility of a celebration party at a later date.

View Quoted Comment You have said in countless posts that people need to invite all kids or no kids, regardless of relationship to the bride and groom. Yet it’s okay to discriminate between siblings?? Nah, I don’t care about “etiquette”. I’m filing that under “just a crappy thing to do”.


OP, some may decline. But without kids, if we’re talking 4-8 people, please invite all of your stepdad’s kids!

You and your FH will have to decide who is "family". Do you really want it to be only people who reach out to you? You never know what the future may hold, and perhaps you will get to know each other or not, but you're still immediate family, not 2nd cousins. Shutting down communication channels won't lead to anywhere.

I live on the opposite side of the country and see most of my family and family friends only 1-2x a year at big holidays. It doesn't mean these people wouldn't be happy to share my joy. Remember, while an invitation is extended, they may not be able to accept for whatever reason, just like your other guests. You will probably be well under your maximum.