Sister will not come to reception over plus one

She messaged me. It’s too late. I can’t even undo this.

She said that she respects my decision to not give her a guest and understands but that now I must understand her choice to decline the reception.

exact quote from her.

I see where I stand and only wish to be apart of the actual wedding part. That is what truly truly matters. Please don’t forget that.

View Quoted Comment If you care to fix it, it’s never too late.

You can call her and apologize that you didn’t invite your niece (I don’t care if she’s your step-niece, treat her like a niece) to the wedding. And ask them both to come. It was an oversight and you were wrong, see it now, and understand, and want them both to be part of your new family and big day.

If you dont care to fix it, then that’s fine. I would understand if you said 21+ or 18+ only, but it doesn’t sound like it in this case.

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Considering your other post and how you talk about her I think this is incredibly gracious and very appropriate of her. She's not even keeping her daughter away because she is uncomfortable.

Let. It. Go. Live your life and realize that she may have to take care of herself first.

View Quoted Comment Gracious??? First of all it’s Not my fault she is my only single sibling, I have nothing to do with that. 2nd she does not even live with her kids. She can barely keep a job or a place to live. She has no say on my guest list and you don’t get to ask for a guest, just thought I’d clear that up.

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If she is the only single sibling doesn’t it make sense she has someone with her who makes her comfortable and she can enjoy the wedding with. Maybe she values family and wants her step daughter to feel included. What does her ability to keep a job or living with her kids make a difference in her bringing a guest. Maybe comments like this make her feel attacked and she wants a friend with her. Be kind.

Count yourself lucky she's coming to the ceremony. If I were her, I wouldn't, and that last text would be the last I ever sent to you until and if you offered the sincerest of apologies.

This was my response. She is not coming.

Hey Marla, Mark and I had a very long conversation about you attending the wedding. To be honest, we have gone back and forth about the whole situation. You have repeatedly said that the church is the important part but to us the whole day is important and the whole day is what we’ve been planning. The whole day is where we want to be surrounded by family and friends who want to celebrate our marriage and have a happy day. Based on your behavior, we have strongly considered un-inviting you to the church. Mark is not happy with you and your actions and how you have made me and us feel, and he would wish not to see you that day, however you are my sister and we would like you to see us be married. I’m going to give you one last chance to attend the whole day, as we need to submit the total for the reception tonight. You keep saying you don’t want to attend alone but you are not the only person who was not granted a “date” to the wedding as many people from Marks side we’re not granted dates either. Actually a lot of people were not offered toBring a date. There’s plenty of people there actually that I think you would get along with and have a good time with. So again it’s not about you. If you wonder and say why you don’t have any family, this is why. Because the way you act towards people who have at least some care left towards you, and destroy any kind of relationship you have with them. If you do decide to attend the church, know that we will not be able to socialize, as that is what the reception is for after, which is the main thing that we have been planning. If you wish not to come to anything, that is just fine as well. If you decide to come to the church, you are being WARNED not to approach us to speak specifically any word of this situation, nor are you to speak about it to anyone else attending. If you feel the slightest need inside you to ruin someone’s day, DO NOT COME. This day is about us. We are not playing around. If anyone was going to be this real with you, it was gonna be me. Like I said last night I’m the only real part of the family you have left, so please do not screw us over by ruining our day. Also if I hear ANY further word of this situation from you, before or on the wedding day, you will not be permitted to the church. Please do not make me do this.

Does anyone else want to send this woman flowers and take her out for a boatload of margaritas?

I really believe one day you will regret how you have acted about this situation. I am sorry for your both.

View Quoted Comment I
I...
I...wow
I can't find the words I want.
I do wish I could reach out to your sister and give her a hug, then take her to dinner.

I want to repeat a line from a State Farm commercial, but I think I'd be banned.

I am just aching for your sister.

This is not a joke and I will screenshot and iMessage anybody who wants to see the real ness behind it

View Quoted Comment Wow. This has to be a joke.

After receiving this message, what should her response be? Why do you think she would want to have anything to do with your wedding day? If I received that message, I wouldn't come. Who would want to?

There seems to be no attempt on your part to improve this relationship, so maybe you're sharing to vent? I hope your ceremony is all you want it to be.

She said she doesn’t feel comfortable attending the reception alone and that

quote

I will hope in a few days you will reconsider allowing me to attend the official ceremony.

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Your sister is a better person than I would be... It's almost laughable that your sharing her completely normal and rational responses here in quotes acting like she is the bad guy here.

If I were her I would absolutely not be responding to you anymore. I hope one day she stumbles on these posts so that she can feel the love and support of all of these strangers.

If this isn't made up then I am very sad.

Go on google. Go on the etiquette boards. They all say the same thing. No ring or close relationship no bring.

Everywhere i I look it tells me it’s my day, my budget, my choice to give extras. I didn’t allow my groomsman to invite his daughter either. We had to make cuts. Sure that sounds harsh but since the beginning of time it has never been accepted to bring an uninvited guest to a wedding. I appreciate everyone’s input but this is a 50/50 debate half people say I’m horrible half say she is.

View Quoted Comment First of all, you are wrong, there is no rule, no ring no bring. People who say that do not k ow proper etiquette. For romantic or other relationships, if they have an established relationship in the time about 2 weeks before invitations ( not SAVES) are actually sent out, you address an invitation to the "significant other." But that rule that you got wrong, does not even apply here. She wants a member of her family unit for many years, her step daughter, half sister to your 26 year old niece, and your step niece. And in regard to etiquette, at an affair where most people in the family are attending as couples, it is considered normal to give a single person the option of coming with an adult companion. Unless that person's behavior is violent, criminal, or they have done something truly hateful to the couple. Your sister would like her adult daughter for companionship, in addition to her bio daughter. They are sisters, both her daughters. That you would actually communicate a warning yo your sister nit to approach you is the height of going against any social etiquette or manners. Why are you so proud of yourself for that?

Wow, your sister must be a saint. I cant believe she still would attend the ceremony after that disgusting email. I would pull my daughter and cut all further contact of I were her. Just absolutely horrible.

Also, there is no rule "no ring no bring" if anything there is a rule that you should extend a plus 1 to VIPs at the least.

View Quoted Comment Saint is a stretch. Can’t keep a job or a home. Starts unecessary drama and thinks she can just bring an uninvited guest to a wedding. I cannot find s single etiquette posts that says singles are entitled to guests. I hope this information clears things up.

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Yep, clears it all up. Really hope you don't look back on your actions years later and regret them. I know I would if I ever (not that I would, yeesh) treated my family like this.

Hopefully your sister separates herself and her children from this toxicity. This is not how you treat family. So sad.

I understand that you don't want to appease her, but if you really want her there, appease. I agree that if she is the only out of 7 that doesn't have someone, that can be uncomfortable for her.

It is your day, your decision. This bothers you enough to have asked this question a couple of times. I personally would want her there enough to let her bring someone with her.

I do hope that your day is beautiful for you. Just remember that pictures wont have her in them either, that could be your constant reminder of your decision.

So, I know OP isn’t handling this well, but I don’t think she’s necessarily in the wrong either. From what I can gather, OP’s sister is not in a relationship. If I’m understanding this situation correctly, she’s still friendly with the step-daughter despite not being in a relationship with the man whose child this is. Therefore, OP has no relationship to this person. That’s not her niece. That doesn’t make her callous or evil for not referring to her as her step-niece or seeing her as family. If OP’s sister is still close to this woman, that’s fine and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But, if she’s making it seem like OP isn’t allowing her family to attend, I agree that’s kind of manipulative given the circumstances. If OP’s sister was still in a relationship, I agree the entire family, as a unit, should be invited. But if she isn’t raising this woman, if she isn’t living there, has no responsibility to her, then this is just a friend in my opinion. Maybe OP’s sister defines that relationship differently, but that doesn’t mean OP has to invite her to the wedding. My dog is like a son to me, I’m not surprised or appalled he isn’t invited to formal events. And I have friends who are like sisters to me and again, wouldn’t insist my family members consider them their family too. And it’s fine for OP’s sister to ask, but it looks like OP told her no out of fairness for other guests and due to budget and space capacity - which is fair. If it ended there, I’d say fine, but the back and forth since March, OP being told to “reconsider,” getting messages from other family - it definitely sounds like OP’s sister is trying to demonize OP and make this about her. If you’ve ever had a toxic family member, you know they’re especially good this.