Sister will not come to reception over plus one

View Quoted Comment I wasn’t looking at it from that perspective. It’s really not personal. It’s more of a budget issue. I have no problem with the step daughter. I’m not just making exceptions now because she would reject it anyway. Thank you f

I would never have this type of argument with a sibling. If she wants to bring a step daughter as a guest, I would certainly let her. To me, siblings are special and I would want them all to happily attend my wedding. Seems like A LOT of to do over very little money.

I agree with what's been said by the other PPs. I don't think you're handling this properly and you're allowing your principle to ruin a family relationship. It's good manners to give your wedding party and VIPs a guest. You're choosing not to do that so now you're facing the consequences of your actions. Why be shocked that someone would be offended when you don't follow protocol in this situation? I also agree that it is off-putting to distinguish between biological daughter and stepdaughter especially considering the length of time involved.

I never post on here anymore but good lord just let her bring her stepdaughter! It's your sister for crying out loud! Cut someone else off the list if its really a budget thing.

I'm with sister on this one. Why is this a hill you're willing to die on? Seems ridiculous.

It might be appeasing her, and she might be acting out of line, but I would give her the plus one, I’d hate for someone so close to you to miss the party, and it could really hurt the relationship down the line . Sometimes siblings suck, but in this case it might be worth it to let her win. Consider it $30 (for her dates plate) towards a happier relationship with her.

Maybe she is depressed or anxious about being the only single sibling. It could sound like she is making a big deal over something trivial, but if she is insecure/anxious/depressed over her relationship, it could feel like a huge deal in her mind. Do you otherwise have a good relationship with her (aside from the plus-one issue)? If so, I'd just let her bring a guest for the sake of not having her upset. While you can't always please everyone, if there are small/easy things that are important to the people closest to you, I think you should consider bending your rules.

The email you posted from her seems completely reasonable. Are you sure the plus 1 is why she won't come? You're hearing this from a third party not from her direct and that usually just causes more drama. I would just talk to her. I do agree that she should be allowed to bring her stepdaughter, honestly I feel like if they are close she should have been invited from the beginning. It's not like she wants to bring some random guy you've never met.

I am on the fence. I firmly believe that the etiquette that everyone gets a plus one is ridiculous, especially if you have a small guest cap. However, at the same time I think that if anyone should get a plus one, it's your sister, regardless of her marital status.

I didn't invite anyone who I could't give a +1 to. Most people won't attend a wedding alone, even if they know others. I handpicked all of my guests and really wanted them to enjoy the events. Even though she's single, perhaps she wanted someone to have as company at the party.

My sister is single, and her +1 was her best friend.

View Quoted Comment She actually sent you a very polite message. Exactly according to etiquette, letting you know she will not attend, but daughter will. It is quite proper to attend only the ceremony, which is the meaningful part. It is the main course. The party is a dessert. Not to be forced on anyone. She also is more polite than most, letting you know beforehand so you won't waste a dinner. Meanwhile, you invited your niece, but not her step sister, to go with your sister? In my family , no one would ever dream discriminating between one parent's child from another marriage, coming with the step parent, and an adopted child, and a biological child, for something like a wedding. You are excluding one of the two young women your sister considers her daughters. Equally, in terms of the way she treats them. Which is the way she should treat them. You are the one who is terribly out of line here. If a relative invited my mother and I, and 4 of my sisters that are hers, but not my half brothers who are not my mother's bio children, nor my adopted brother and sister ( orphaned at death of Dad's brother and mom's cousin who were married), because they were not my mom's biological kids nor my biological sister and brother, not only would mom and I break off any future relationship, but all 50-70 of our and brides relatives would cut bride out of their lives, starting with the wedding. Because discrimination between someone's bio and step children, when they get along as family, is unspeakably cruel, not to mention socially rude and breaking every rule of etiquette. You invite couples together, who are so and feel a strong long lasting bond. You only could divide your sisters children, bio, step, or adopted, if one were an age totally unsuited to the planned wedding , like a 4 year old at an adult wedding. Or if she exhibited wild, criminal, or hateful behavior.. . . You should have invited this 16 plus trio who consider themselves family to begin with. Or invited none of your brothers or sisters or their families. Why she is being so nice as to come to the ceremony, I do not know. Maybe she wants to set an example to her daughter of nice, proper behavior. You need to apologize for not inviting both daughter with your sister, regardless if the bio relationship. And issue an invitation in her name. And apologize to sister, niece, and any family you were badly behaved with. Our oldest 2 were foster children for the year waiting for their adoption to go through. No one would have thought of treating them differently from the bio daughter we had then, because we were not yet their legal parents. We were a family.

I agree with PPs, I understand needing to save space and $$, but it seems unreasonable to not let her bring a guest especially when the person she wants to bring is her stepdaughter. It's not like she wants to bring a random guy or a friend you don't know; she wants to bring family so that both her daughters are there. Trust me, this is not the hill to die on.

We are not really close. She doesn’t really speak to anyone.

Just likes to stir up drama. Its done. I just removed her from reception list.

I will not be strong armed into giving into guests of family members.

The truth is she is just unhappy she is alone and can’t get a date so she can’t put aside that for ONE Day!!!! Many single people are attending. This is just her being immature and unable to be happy for me because she is alone.

I was on your side until you didn't invite one her daughters because it was only her step daughter. That is low. I think your sister is being immensely mature in this situation in even attending any part of the day.

View Quoted Comment Her step daughter is like 25 years ago. My sister is like 38. It is not a traditional step mom daughter relationship. It’s more of a friendship. She is going to allow her own 16 year old daughter to attend alone. Yet I’m immature. Ok.

She's your sister. She deserves to bring a guest. I'm not sure I'd skip the reception over it, but I would be very upset about this as well.

View Quoted Comment

No. That's not how it works.

View Quoted Comment Sometimes we need to take a step back look at the big picture. As LB said, why are you choosing this hill to die on? Back in March she came to your and asked for a plus one and even offered to pay for them. From how you speak about her, it's obvious you don't respect her. Maybe there's a past, maybe she's this and that, but you're coming across as a bit immature on this specific issue.

I'm so sorry, for your relationship with your sister, that you weren't able to find some kind of compromise and find a way to let her bring a plus one. At the end of the day it is your day, everyone will be 150% focused on you. You likely wouldn't have noticed that extra person anyway.

I can't imagine my (about to be) step daughters not being invited to an important family function, especially if the other "kids" in the family are invited. This seems like an odd hill to die on when it comes to your relationship with your sister.