Sigh. Why are strip clubs even a thing .. :(

We all have different relationships and different things that we feel are acceptable and not acceptable in every relationship. If this is hurting you in any way then him and his buddies need to respect and understand that.

FH said he's going to tell his best man that he won't go to a strip club but im not holding my breath. He thinks they're a waste of money and has never been to one. It will be the first bachelor party for all of them so I think his friends will really push for it. I just hate being the girl who says they can't go...It just makes me uncomfortable because I feel like it wouldn't be okay any other time in our relationship why are you allowed one night? You haven't been a "bachelor" for the past 5 years we've been together. We still have plenty of time so I guess we'll see how it turns out.

ETA: I never told him he couldn't go, just that it makes me feel uncomfortable but if his friends know he's not going because it would make me uncomfortable then they will basically blame me lol just wanted to add that I don't tell him what he can or can't do.

I could care less about a strip club. I'm honestly more concerned about the chicks that aren't getting paid lol. Strippers are there to get $$$ they don't actually give a shit about the guy. Whatever attention she gives comes at a price. That's a lot better than all the chicks at the bar that only need a couple drinks and some nice words. So strip clubs are a "sure whatever" thing to Me.

FH doesn't even care for strip clubs because he knows all they want is his money lol.

You're not supposed to touch the strippers. I'm not into strip clubs, but I don't care what FH does on his bachelor party, as long as he doesn't end up disfigured or arrested. But I also trust him to know what cheating is and is not. He's nothing, if not loyal.

I can understand the insecurities that come with a strip club. My MOH, also my best friend getting married in September, is petrified of our FH'd going. She has been very vocal about not wanting them to go. Maybe if you talk to the BM you can express your concerns with it since it sounds like your FH isn't super interested in going

I agree with PPs - this is a respect thing.

He is choosing his friends' wishes over your comfort. That is disrespectful to begin with, but I find it particularly disrespectful that he would even consider going to a strip club when he doesn't even want to!! If he DID want to go, I would find it extremely disrespectful that he was inclined to go along with his friends knowing how much it upset you. But the fact that he doesn't even want to go and is still putting buddies above you is too much.

He needs to man up and stick up to his friends.

You aren't allowed to touch a stripper. Maybe real seedy places you can but that will get you kicked out at 99% of places. Try to relax and trust him that he will be good and faithful.

If you really don't want him to have a talk with him. Tell him how you feel. Your feelings should be important to him. I view strip clubs the same way he does though. It is just entertainment and not a big deal. I used to strip private parties when I was 18 very briefly (it wasn't really for me). You have to pay extra for lap dances so maybe compromise and say he can go but you would prefer that he not receive a lap dance or private dance. Again seedy places allow more but the higher end ones touching is a no no. It is for the safety and protection of the ladies.

Um, maybe I'm missing something but why does it have to be a strip club at all for the bachelor party? A friend of my FH had a bachelor party and they all went to a hockey game. All it has to be is a gathering of guys doing something guys like to do, there's loads of options aside from strip club.

If a strip club is a hard limit for you then speak up, lay down the law in how you feel about it and let him make the choice to seriously piss you off or not. Chances are, if he's not that interested to go in the first place, he'll appreciate you standing up for it, and then he can always use you as the excuse if he's not brave enough to say he's not interested to his guy friends (you know they have to be all macho all the time).

I should clarify that while I feel differently about this topic than you do I do believe your feelings should take priority to his friends. Like @pho3nix said he may need you to take a hard stand so he has an excuse for his friends since he isn't really interested in it to begin with. Maybe even suggest some other activities they can do instead.

If you are not comfortable with him going to one you need to let him know. I personally do not think it is a trust issue, just more of respect. I know how you feel. I do not want my FH going to one either and I trust him 100%. It has nothing to do with that, just that he needs to respect I'm uncomfortable with it (which he does). If you're afraid the guys are going to take him then speak to them too. They need to know the issue considering they will be planning it.

And for others saying that you don't mind your SO going because they're coming home to you at the end of the night, I don't know how you do it! I would not want my man fantasizing or feeling up on another woman. To me, that's still considered cheating even if he is still coming home to you after.

Here's an idea...turn the tables on him. Ask him how he would feel if you went to a male strip club and got lap dances and had a random guy's hard dick in your face and rubbing on you, covered only by a teeny tiny man thong...lol. If he doesn't like to picture that, then he should definitely respect how you feel and how when you picture him at a strip club you don't like it either. He can't have double standards... He needs to put himself in your shoes and look at things from your point of view and see how he would feel if the roles were reversed. If he can't respect your feelings then, then you guys need to have a serious talk. It's not controlling when you ask him not to have random naked women sit on his lap...it would be controlling to tell him that he can't have a bachelor party, but there are plenty of other things they can go do that don't involve naked women.

See the light, wifeytobejuly17. He can't have it both ways, right? Let's look at the equation you just laid out. The club is dirty, plus he went to them when he was younger, plus he doesn't get "turned on" in them (oh, right...if he isn't 85 and suffering from ED, naked female flesh is turning him on), plus he says he told the guys he didn't care to go to a strip club (allegedly), plus it's "entertainment" so it's okay if you go to a male strip club or he goes to a female strip club (I can already smell the BS), plus you don't like the idea, plus he says it's like going to a movie (I don't know of any movie that features naked flesh trying to attract clothed flesh with a wallet in the pocket), plus he's aloof, and plus his guys will "make him go" equals ---- he's into strip clubs. HE'S into strip clubs. He's not a kidnapped victim -- he's a willing participant. Yep...that's the bottom line.

Some women care, and some don't. You'll hear from both of them on this thread. Figure out if that's a deal breaker to you, or accept it, because your FH will spend his money -- your household income -- attending strip clubs, and he might tuck quite a few of the family's twenties into the panties of a stripper. Guys who aren't into strip clubs spend the night of the BP at a bar, playing poker, etc. Whatever they do, naked flesh isn't on the agenda.

Actually, it's a pretty fundamental issue, so you should deal with it now.

Honestly? I can see both sides of this. FH and I frequent the club for key occasions like Halloween or super special date nights (it's pricey!) and we find it quite satisfying to be there enjoying the merryment as a unit. But the thought of him going with a group of his friends makes me cringe on the inside so hard! Years ago when we were having a very serious rough patch I suspected he went to a strip club with some of his friends while out of town and lied about it and it still makes me cringe to think about it 4 years later. If it really truly upsets you then you need to have a very honest conversation and make it utterly clear that it bothers you and will continue to bother you. Don't pussyfoot around it, make it so clear he has no choice but to understand. Then the ball is in his court

I think, as others have said, this speaks to a lack of his respecting something that's important to you. I hope you guys take the time and really talk about it. If it's truly "no big deal" to him then skipping the icky strippers shouldn't be an issue!

I dont care personally, It's a strip club honestly those girls could care less about the men watching them, i know in NY where i am they cant even get totally naked if there is any alcohol served im talking they can go to thong and pasties, and the men or women that go can't touch them. Its about entertainment and nothing else. And at the end of the night he comes home to you. But if it bothers you that much talk to him about it and explain to him how you feel thats all you can do.

I like the strip club lol but yea always express when you're uncomfortable!!

I think you may be overreacting a bit IMHO. have you ever been in a strip club? Truthfully, they're a bit bizarre. I've been with my FH and friends a few times. Perhaps it's strange but I didn't see it as sexual. Most of the time I was wondering how in the heck the women could do some of the moves (it was rather acrobatic) lol. At times it was also hilarious.

Be confident in yourself. Your future husband is not going to leave you for a stripper. Nor is he going to do something dishonest. Do you trust him? Let him go blow off some steam with his buddies, and make sure you put the ground rules in place. But it's slightly concerning that you'd think he'd lie about it if you told him not to go.

Also, you really shouldn't tell him what to do anyway. Express how you feel. And address WHY you feel that way! ( with yourself first and foremost -and with him).

Also I recommend reading the book 5 Love Languages. Sometimes there are little things that you and FH can do that really help you both connect. It has helped with my self confidence with our relationship.

For those saying that she should just "get over it" or "deal with it" - no. Everyone is allowed to draw boundaries and this happens to be one of hers. You don't have to agree with it but everyone can understand having boundaries in a relationship.

If this is one of your boundaries, TELL HIM. Stop playing games - "oh, I said something so I'm hoping he just doesn't go." Really?! Talk about passive aggressive and I can tell you what's going to happen - he's going to think that you're okay with it because you haven't outright told him, "I don't like this, we need to talk about it before you go," he'll go, you'll feel resentment over it, and this resentment will build over the months or years until you both don't remember what the real issue was.

Stop playing stupid communication games where you assume he gets the underlying message and sit him down and talk like adults.

Also, if he's going to the type of strip clubs where he is literally watching people have sex, then that's not a strip club - that's live porn/exhibitionism and that's a totally different ballpark.

I may be the UO here, but I don't really care if FH has strippers. It doesn't bother me one bit. It's his bachelor party so he can do as he pleases. FH and I have also gone to strip clubs together in the past.

BUT if you both are uncomfortable with the idea of it, you should really talk it out.

ETA: you need to communicate properly with him. If you're not wanting him to go, don't beat around the bush, just tell him.