Sigh. Why are strip clubs even a thing .. :(

@lauren c yeah he has told me if I go to one I'd see it's really just entertainment . But I'm not dumb. I know when the gf is there they cater to them and won't touch your man unless given permission .

So tell him it bothers you, and in a relationship of mutual respect...he should respect your wishes.

AG13- how did you get over it ? I honestly feel like I'd be just how you felt that evening .

@reeves thanks girl , I hope he doesn't go either. I'm not making it a rule - cos then he wouldn't be truthful about it and I don't wanna be controlling . I've tried to communicate it MANY times but even his best friend's wife and him go together and tell me how it's not a big deal. Guess I'm just a little too insecure for this part of the process :-/

I agree with you. I wouldn't be ok with it either! Just because people tell u how u should feel (because they feel a certain way) doesn't change it... even if u want to not bothered by it. I feel for ya

To answer the question of why his friends even insist - I'm not really sure. I'm not thinking he has relayed this really to them because he doesn't MIND going he just - doesn't care to go. He says "it's whatever to me. It's just entertainment. It isn't a big deal. I'd be coming home to you. I've never once left with a stripper. I could care less if we don't go I've only ever gone cos they've wanted to" :-/ ugh just ties my stomach in knots. Why doesn't he think it's a big deal! Or am I seriously just being ridiculous about this

I was really uncomfortable when my FH's groomsmen started planning the bachelor party. I heard they were going to Miami and all I could think was they're going to go to the strip club. I talked to him about it and I felt sooo much better afterwards because of some the things FH said. They went in Jan and it's already over and I was worried over nothing. Talk to him.

@nowastepmrs I feel like it's a lack of respect too. I've mentioned this before to him. He just doesn't seem to care . But he's never said "I won't go because I know you'd be upset" he's said "I'd be miserable there knowin you're at home freaking out" - but I don't think he meant it in a sweet way.

He has said you can touch the strippers if they come to you and they usually sit on your lap - he doesn't mind that part cos - boobs- but he doesn't like push them off or anything . Sorry my heads a mess about this so I may not be making much sense here :-/

My FH isn't the type to go to strip clubs. I tried to buy him a lap dance in Vegas, cause hey.. it's Vegas and nada. So IF he went for his bachelor party, I would be okay with it. I know him, I know the guys, and I know the places. I'm not worried.

Plus you never mentioned if it was set in stone they would go.

@elphaba - yeah . His friends will honestly all sit there and kind of razz me about it too. I joke a little at first and then it hits me like they are actually still going to do this cos they think I truly should not care and they (including best friends wife) says "you shouldn't care it's not a big deal" well. I do. Why can't he respect that !! You're SO lucky your SO doesn't do that ! How amazing !!! My fiancé and I have been together a few years and this has only come up once when his friend was getting married . He ended up not going cos they were going to the full nude of Easter and he found that really odd and he had his son that night . He wasn't about to ask me to watch his son since I had just moved here for him to go do that. And I'm sure as HELL not gonna stay home and pace all night with his son if he does it for the bachelor party (I don't think he expects me to either he's told me he wouldn't do that to me) but lol i should make it abundantly clear - helll no

I'm sure I'll get some backlash but honestly, I'm one of those "prudes" If you are going to be with me, you are going to be with me and not look at other women in a sexual way. No porn, no strip clubs, just me. Probably my jealousy and insecurities even though I trust my FH. Just my feelings and views and not everyone agrees and that's ok. If you don't care about him looking at other women...naked women....in person at that, then let him make his own decision and take the chance of it upsetting you more than you think right now if he does go. Also, he doesn't have to go even if the guys planned it all out for him. And frankly, he shouldn't go if he KNOWS it bothers you. I understand not wanting to be controlling and if you've voiced how you'd rather him not go but don't want to make it a "rule" but you have to think about how it will make you feel if he does go whether he knows how you feel about it or not.

@elphaba he's actually so honest wit me it's incredibly stupid sometimes. He can't keep a secret so I'd know even if he went without telling me . He loves me but I think he doesn't see the problem - there shouldn't be one .

I brought up doing a boudoir photo session he was SUPER against it cos he felt really uncomfortable with it I said - well how is that any different ? That's a professional and I'm clothed - you're touching a naked women.

"But I'm not going home with her"

I guess I should just start touching random men for my own "entertainment" (totally jk btw)

Sigh . I think this will need to be dreadfully brought up again

@missliz007- you're 100% right . If he goes - and he alrasdy knows how I feel then he's gonna have to deal with how I feel afterwards .

2B_mrs.j.t there is no official date so far for it . But his guys have talked about it and said "when are we going?" (In front of me mind you) he laughs it off and jokes to me about it . I'm just not amused . It's hurtful and maybe I'm a little too butt hurt about it but I just can't get that awful feeling in my throat and my stomach to go away :-/ the wedding isn't until July , so I'm sure they'll plan it for a few weeks prior

Let the man live. Strip clubs are no issue. Just trust your man.

@wifey- I think it's important to bring up anything you feel so strongly about. Dies your FH know how much you dislike it? I think out of respect for you he shouldn't go. His friends will just have to plan something else.

@erinwood yeah he definitely knows about my immense anxiety about it. I'm hoping he ends up just saying ok I'm not gonna go .

I kind of feel like this is a trust issue also but I guess everyone has different lines. I kind think you may be worrying over nothing. There is a high chance they may not go, despite all the jokes.

Forgive me, but your FI sounds disrespectful to your feelings. It sounds like his friends are disrespectful too. He already knows how it's going to make you feel, but it sounds like he just doesn't care.

This isn't about strip clubs; the is about respect for you. Your fiance doesn't especially want to go to a strip club and he knows him going is really upsetting you. If he loves and respects you, he should decline an activity that means nothing to him but causes you stress and pain. The fact that it's just entertainment to him is only relevant if his partner for life feels the same way.

You're not being unreasonable here. You aren't policing his thoughts and demanding that he never have a fantasy about another woman. You're asking him to refrain from one specific, rarely attended activity that really upsets you. To me, going to a strip club is no big deal but showing this much disregard for your partner is.