Should I invite step daughter to wedding

Your fiancé sounds like a bad father if he doesn't want his own child at his wedding. She's 16.

Her mother you don't need to invite

This might not be a popular opinion, but I have to ask, why does the mother of the older child feel that she needs to extract money from the father of her child via fake medical emergencies and school fees? If you haven't been around for 16 years, you don't know the REAL answer to that. Plenty of men do what they do, leave children in their wake, and the mothers of those children are left to handle everything from a roof over the child's head to perks at a birthday party without much help from the bio dad (and sorry, diapers, formula, some school clothes, and an occasional vacation don't make dad a hero).

Women with children, women who no longer have any desire to be with the father of their children, want one thing: fair child support. Maybe the second mother got what she needed, or maybe she's more passive (or she has other family members making up the loss). However, mother #1 doesn't seem to be too impressed by your "big" wedding. In fact, unless the father of her child has paid her the state mandated child support every week since the day they parted ways, she's probably pissed off. I know quite a few single mothers, and all they want is what the child's father owes their children. Give them that, and they'll go about their lives without interfering with bio-dad's life. If they are responsible, the ladies in the equation can move on without drama. If they don't, it's not only drama -- it's a world of resentment.

I wish you the best, but remember, you weren't there, you only know the history that he's written, and at the end of the day, this young lady is his daughter. And, responsible fathers will crawl across broken glass to connect with their daughters -- regardless of who their mothers are, or are not.

Why is this even a question. Invite his daughter to the wedding.

^^^^^yass centerpiece well said

I would invite her.

I appreciate all of your input. Some of the thing that they have done is really dark, I couldn't really explain it all in 1000 characters. However, I have taking in much of the advise. I will allow him to decide. @Bee yes one of the mothers is invited because we have become very good friends, and my FH and her current husband have become quite close as well. There's no bad blood.

Not inviting her is going to make the situation worse. I guarantee it.

@OG Ashley he's actually an amazing father so amazing that he's taken care of his CM, bought her a home fully paid off to support her entire family including her 4 other children by four other guys. He's been nothing but generous, they've just caused problem after problem in his life, before I even came into the picture, which is actually why things didn't work out in his past relationships.

@Centerpiece.... he's does more than pay child support that's not the issue at all. The first mother has gotten well more than the first. And he doesn't want to invite her.. I'm debating my emotions in the middle.. because I just want peace... I think your response is coming from a more personal place.

No its and or butts its not your place to not invite it you knew going into this engagement how her mother is and her so you accepted all that comes with it ..she's his daughter

@Nicole. Do you have children together?

There is no reason to invite the mother at all. This shouldn't be an issue. The daughter should definitely be invited. Period. No excuses or rationalizations. This post is starting to make me angry. SHE IS HIS DAUGHTER. Period. Done. Finite.

My personal place? I married my (childless) husband in 1982. I brought ZERO children to the relationship. We had our first child a year and a half after we were married. He paid for everything that child needed, including a home. We had our second child two years later. Following his pattern, he paid for everything that child required. Those "babies" are now 31 and 33, and he still gives them money when they're short. So, there's nothing personal here. He didn't want babies prior to marriage, so he didn't have any. I didn't want any prior to marriage, so I made sure that wasn't an issue.

I'm talking about fathers who sire children and don't marry the mothers, or who do, but leave them. You have no idea, regardless of what he's told you, of what's gone on during the last 16 years of Mother #1's life, and quite frankly, there's nothing you can tell me that would convince me otherwise. Just be advised, my husband didn't sire children other than mine, but in my business, I hear about it at least one a month.

I believe the moms. Call me biased, but I trust mothers unless their eyes are bloodshot and they're asking for a loan.

ETA: If he's a decent father, then he should invite his daughter(s). You, with all due respect, have no place in this equation. If you're going to say anything, say "Invite your daughter". End of story.

@Mrs. Davis.. no but when one of the mother's needed us to have the child live with us for a while, I had no problem taking her in... I sacrificed a lot during that time, my job actually (which required me to travel) so did his, (but he made more). I found out later that the mother had lied about the situation because she wanted to go on some trip. Both the mother and daughter (who are originally from another country) are into things that I do not support and neither does he, but ultimately it's his choice.

I agree with PP saying SD should be invited. With her being 17, not sure if she needs mom there (ie if mom needs to be invited)...so I agree with you there. Unfortunately, because they'll have to travel- you say they're not in the same state- I just wonder who would SD #1 hang out with? Is she at all familiar or friendly with SD #2? This is a tough situation. Sorry

@centerpiece I actually know what's taken place in her life more than you think. I know that she's never worked a day in her life (the house and everything else, was because he has a good heart, the other guys do nothing, we sometimes paid for her other kids too (so we're not bad people, it's just been a lot), she has a total of 5 children with 5 different guys, and has taught her daughter to lie and manipulate with her. I know that they have stolen from us, out of my home (the daughter has), and I know that I had given up my job (a well paying one) to take care of his daughter for a year, under the pretense that the mother had something seriously wrong, when in fact it wasn't. The daughter has been out of control for some time now, and I've also been the voice of reason in the situation. I also know that the CM and the daughter are not originally from this country and dabbles in a lot of things, that he doesn't agree with. Trust me when I say, him and I have actually never had a problem, but when this topic came up, he said that he didn't want her there, what am I to do?? I really wish that things could be the same as what it is with the other child and her mother, but it's not, and the first child also doesn't like the second which is another issue. I just want a peaceful, drama free wedding!

It really sounds like your blaming the daughter for the actions of the mother. As far from being from a different country and not liking things they are into?! He didn't seem to have enough of a problem with it to have a child with her. You "sacrificed" to have HIS DAUGHTER stay with y'all? What the hell?!!? Good holy hell.

I'm sorry if I'm being really pissy about this but my daughter, who is 14, never been in trouble, honor student, in the school band, rides horses, and is an amazing child has been sidelined by her father because his gf of 9 years would rather his attention be on her son and the children they have together. My daughter is constantly excluded from things in his life and now wants nothing to do with him. 11 years of disappointment and being sidelined will do that. Granted I've never received a dime in child support either so I am very bitter when it comes to exes and children being caught in the middle.

Sass said what I was thinking...

You're wedding is over a year away. Coming from a mom who has a 17 year old bipolar daughter and a 13 year old soon to be step daughter(who has learned some manipulative behavior) I suggest counseling. My FH and I have done this with both his daughter and my daughter. You can't write off a child because of the behavior that said child has learned from a narcissistic mother. If FH and you really care enough then seek counseling. I wouldn't be so quick to write his child off no matter what happens. Also why invite the mothers??? That's just weird!

I agree with @Patricia counseling should help, take it from there. I can see why you invited the mother that you have a good relationship with. I'm doing the same. If you get along and are friends why not. My mother did the same at her wedding. You seem very torn about this (obviously or else you would not have asked complete strangers for advice). I pray that you come to the right conclusion, and focus on the positive comments your situation seems to be very deep. Just remember that no matter what enjoy your day!!!