Self uniting marriage...?

Honestly, I'd skip all that complicated stuff and just have the ceremony you want with your friend officiating. And then go to the courthouse the next day.

Are you in Bucks county? I've heard Bucks county is more lenient.

I did this (had a self-uniting marriage, then had a wedding where a friend officiated). Full disclosure - I have no apologies for the fact that our wedding wasn't the "actual exact moment" we got married.

Self-uniting was super easy and is legally recognized in all 50 states (thank you, Quakers). Basically, you go to whichever office issues marriage certificates in your location (we're in Pittsburgh so it's an actual office in the city building on Grant). You say you want a self-uniting license. They issue it and fill out the marriage license forms to indicate that you're doing self-uniting. You leave. You sign it. You find two witnesses to sign it (we took ours out for a beer). I think you have to drop it back off in person, actually, rather than mail it. And then within 30 days you'll get your marriage certificate and be able to see in the PA marriage registry that you're married.

Then do whatever you want for your ceremony. It was easy, breezy.

Kassy you are seriously always one step ahead of me saying exactly what I was going to say.

It's honesty whatever you are comfortable with, I would have the ceremony you really want, legal or not, and if it's not legal go to the courthouse afterwards and legalise it that way you get the best of both worlds in my opinion.

Wow. That self-uniting marriage thing sounds awesome. I've never heard of that before.

It is not legally recognized in all 50 states. In fact, internet ordinations aren't legally recognized in all 50 states.

PA is tough; Bucks County is fine with this but frankly, I'd go and do a court wedding and then have a friend preside, if that's what you want to do. Do the courthouse first, not after.

And most importantly, for you and everyone else considering an alternative route, don't take advice from anyone online (except me in NJ and Nancy in FLA). Call a clerk and get the right information.

@MrsBest2B we live in York county, but our wedding will be in Dauphin. I've tried to get questions answered and the city officials in Harrisburg are not very helpful at all lol.

@jnissa I've been contemplating getting married before our actual wedding so that our friend can "marry" us in front of our friends and families. It's something that he, FH, and I are very excited about for him to be a part of our day in that way. One option would be to get married on our 6 year anniversary in July and then celebrate our wedding in September with everyone.

@Celia I love your advice! It seems like going to the courthouse beforehand would be the best fool-proof option to make sure our marriage is legally recognized. I've tried contacting our county clerk before...she was NOT helpful whatsoever. Basically gave me an "I'm not at liberty to comment on that" and that was it.

I think I might have mistaken what jnissa meant; if you have a legally officiated license in a state where it is legal, it IS recognized everywhere; I thought she meant that every state would let you self unite. Sorry about that.

Go to the courthouse first. In many places, performing a fake ceremony is a crime.

I know, the courts are not helpful in many cases. I don't know why people meant to help you can't just...help you...

Not trying to hijack your thread, because I'm across the country, but in case any Oregonians read this: self-uniting marriages are NOT legal in our state, therefore not legal in all 50 states. If you are married that way elsewhere and move to Oregon, they recognize your marriage here, but it is not a legally recognized way to get married here.

I had a friend who wanted to do this and our county clerk laughed at her and her husband. We must have an officiant here, but you can use someone who's been ordained online for free (as I am - I married my older sister on NYE, and it was all totally legal!).

Self uniting licenses are not complicated and you do not need to go through the hassle of extra ceremonies and paperwork. Call the county office where you want to get the license. Just call York if Harrisburg wasn't helpful. Ask what you need to bring for a self uniting license. They'll tell you to bring the same thing as needed for a normal license but ask for self uniting.

A lot of the ladies who said don't do it don't live in PA So didn't have to look into this option. I'm in a similar position as you (want a friend to officiate but they friends getting ordained doesn't fly in PA) So I am getting one.

Plus it's really beautiful. You And your fh decided to get married and you two will make it official!

I have a good friend and colleague who lives in PA, and I'll call her tomorrow to see if I can get any more info on it.

Thanks for all the input ladies, I appreciate it! From what I've read in just the past hour or so while browsing online, self uniting marriages are just one of those things that your area/state offers or doesn't. The heavy Quaker influence in PA has just made it much more accessible/well-known in this state.

@Celia, thank you! I'll keep checking back on this thread to see any updates you may receive from your friend.

My husband and I used a self uniting license in PA. It was very easy to obtain. However, when I went to change my last name at the DMV today, they told me it was not accepted. Has anyone else experienced this?

I called Penndot and was told it would take 4 business days to get back to me with an answer if the licensing center was correct.

Here is a helpful order to change your name:

1. Get your marriage license

Before you can change your name, you'll need the original (or certified) marriage license with the raised seal and your new last name on it. Call the clerk's office where your license was filed to get copies if one wasn't automatically sent to you.

2. Change your Social Security card

Visit the Social Security Administration's website and fill out the application for a new Social Security card. You'll keep the same number -- just your name will be different. Mail in your application to the local Social Security Administration office. You should get your new card within 10 business days.

3. Change your license at the DMV

Take a trip to the local Department of Motor Vehicles office to get a new license with your new last name. Bring every form of identification you can lay your hands on -- your old license, your certified marriage license and -- most important -- your new Social Security card.

4. Change your bank accounts

This one's a biggie, especially if you're setting up a joint bank account, or if you have one already set up. The fastest way to change your name at your bank is to go into a branch location -- bring your new driver's license and your marriage license. You should request new checks and debit and credit cards on top of changing the name attached to your accounts. Something to note: You might get hit with fees for requesting a new debit card.

5. Fill in the blanks

Once you have a social security card and driver's license in your married name, other changes should be fairly easy. Some places only require a phone call; others may ask for a copy of your marriage certificate or social security card. Be sure to notify:

•Employers/payroll

•Post office

•Electric and other utility companies

•Credit card companies

•Schools and alumni associations

•Landlord or mortgage company

•Insurance companies (auto, home, life)

•Doctors' offices

•Voter registration office

•Investment account providers

•Your attorney (to update legal documents, including your will)

•Passport office

I know this thread is old but hopefully i get responses. Im in SC but getting married in PA on my family farm. We dont want to do the courthouse because then our date wont be "our date". We are so interested in the self unity but it would be ok to go to like philly and get it eventhough we are marrying in a lackawanna county?

@Jessica

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/marriage-license/9552082825d3ced2.html

The Philadelphia courthouse website said you can get the license there and use it anywhere in PA. It's $100 instead of $90 though.