Self invited guests to the Bachelorette party ... how to deal??

My questions was not how to maximize my gifts but how to deal with the complications of combining different social groups, not playing referee and those that I had not even discussed a bachelorette party with. I appreciate very much what I am given considering it is only me and my fiancé paying for the wedding. I also appreciate all the advice and shared experience given to me regarding my dilemma. Thank you all for your advice and feedback!

Do people actually give gifts at a bachlorette party anyway? I've never been to one that gifts were given...usually that is reserved for the shower and/or the wedding... bachlorette parties are usually a casual, girls night out...

My first wedding the "bachlorette party" was just the bridesmaids and I hanging out, drinking and watching movies at my apartment the night before the wedding. I didnt invite anyone outside of that because I didnt think about it really- I needed the girls to be there early the next morning for hair appts so it just made sense.

If it is going to just be a night out at the bar-- what does it hurt to have anyone who wants to come there? I'm reasonably sure the guests pay for their own drinks even-- at least at the ones I've been to. The ones that don't like each other will either leave or ignore each other. It's really about you though, whatever you want to do-- you can easily defer it to the MOH and say you arent planning it-- let your MOH be the bad guy!

Well, to start off, they are being rude by saying they can't wait for the party, when they know they havent been personally invited. That's manners 101. So, they probably arent that close to you to begin with, so it should be easy for you to say, ya know, I was going to keep the group a small one, then say something about there being only room for so many people cause there's only one limo available that night, or just tell em you drew names out of a hat? Whatever you do, TAKE CHARGE! It's your wedding, and your life, and if you start getting in the habit of taking control of your life now, it will carry over for years to come and you'll be a happier person for it. Good luck! souderphotography.com

Geez this so hard. But like Lauren10 said. If they don't know you well enough for the shower, why are they invited to the wedding. I have been battling that in my head for a while. I think coworkers should be the only exception.

I think the bachelorette party can be intimate but the shower should be a little more open. Ultimately its up to you... Just like when it comes to people you cant invited to the wedding....do that with the party. Tell select people and tell them that it is exclusive. If any of the uninvited ask, tell them that your bridal party/family threw you something intimate because for space and or money.

I think bachelorette parties can either be planned to be a more intimate affair or a large girls night out. I would talk with the people planning AND paying for the event to see what they had in mind. If you can, have two. I'm having two b/c I have different groups of friends who don't all get along and I want everything to go smoothly and actually enjoy my time. Just remember that it doesn't have to be anything big anyways... My second one will be after the 2nd shower with my FH's family and some mutual friends invited to that shower and we are just going line dancing that night. Also, I don't hink it is rude per se to exclude some people b/c you are not supposed to be inviting EVERYONE invited to the wedding- that just seems like a huge thing. Make it what you want and if people ask, just say the people planning it decided on an intimate affair.

I'll also be honest, If you have invited them to your wedding, you or your MOH/BM's should invite them to the shower and bach. party also. I personally would be offended that I was only good enough to attend the wedding, If they don't know me that well, but still know who I am (if it were my FH family/friend's Bach. party) I would be offended that they weren't even trying to get to know me! But if it's people you don't really know and haven't invited to the wedding, the best thing youcan do is tell your girls its people you know only and people that are invited to the wedding. Hopefully the word spreads. But theres not much you can do if they happen to show up. Hopefully everyone will get along and be civil, but if it does get out of hand, you are going to have to ask the guilty to leave, friend or merely an aqaintance..

Are you also sure that your girls and other attendees aren't just inviting people?? I would have your MOH make it clear that you can't just invite whoever you want!

I say let your MOH abd BM's know who is coming to your wedding and who you really want there that is coming. There is nothing worse than inviting people you truely want there and they don't show up and you get waisted all night and not enjoy yourself because you're mad those you want didn't come. You can always suggest to the others that you really don't want there doing something on another night. The suggestion of bar hopping and having them meet up with you after you've spent time with those you really wanted invited is a great idea. Or if you have an after party after your Wedding, you can always invite them to that if they're invited to your Wedding of course and spend time with them there. Good luck!

Seriously, I've never expected to be invited to the Bachelorette party or the shower just because I was invited to the wedding. And if someone told me that they were offended that they weren't invited to the Bach. or shower because of that reason, I'd look at them like they're crazy. If I told a bride that I was mad because I was invited to the wedding but not the other parties, I'd expect to be looked at like I was crazy. Maybe it's a regional thing, but here the Bachelorette party is more for just your girls, and the shower is more for the older women. But they're both basically a very close friend/family thing.

However the other piece of advice I will give you and this is from experiencing putting together my sister's bach party list, if you have cousins coming from out of town, be kind no matter what your relationship is with them and invite both sides of girl cousins to share the fun with you. I couldn't tell you how hurt a couple of my cousins on my mom's side were when they weren't invited, and I mentioned to my sister's MOH that they were invited to the Wedding and coming and my sister cut them. Yes her Bach party was only 6 people and only 3 cousins from Dad's side were invited and didn't come, but your family will take the most offense of being cut off the list.

Jpeterson-to answer your question about gifts given at the Bachelorette Party, it depends on the bride and bridal party. For my sister's Bach party the MOH, and only 1 other BM besides myself ( 1 didn't show and didn't contribute a penny) put together a basket of risque lingere, and bedroom items, besides a penis candy necklace for my sis to wear, a Tiara, and a Bach Lei, and a Faux Diamond Ring Key Chain and that was the gift for my sister. It was all fun thimgs for them to use on their honeymoon or after the wedding. You don't have to put this together, but that's traditionally the types of gifts given at a Bachlorette Party!

I tried to google the etiquette on this but came across totally different findings..here's a link:

http://www.mahalo.com/how-to-plan-a-bachelorette-party

Yes I would be offended if I wasn't offered to party with the bride or be invited to a bridal shower, all to get to know her a little better..I wouldn't necissarily voice my opinion to her or her crew. And VegasBride, just let your ladies know that you don't mind that if people you know and like are interesting incoming, thats fine (if it is fine with you)but you are concerned about being a referee.

Http://entertaining.about.com/od/bridalandbabyshowers/a/bachparties.htm

This site states this:

Anyone who is invited to the bachelor/bachelorette party should be on the guest list for the wedding

So, if those 'guests' aren't invited to the wedding, then I guess this kind of covers it..

Hope everything works out!

I didnt have time at work to read all the posts so im sorry if I say something someone else did. My MOH asked me for a list of 10-15 people I wanted at my bridal shower and bach party and told me to put them in order of who is most important to me to be there. She is then going to plan things and invite as many as she can in the order of my importance. So if I gave her 15 names and my coworker was number 12 but the limo she could get only held 10, then sorry co-worker, not enough space. Even if that is not how it was done I would use that as the reason if they ask why they were not invited because it is perefectly reasonable and wont hurt any feelings.

This happened with my girlfriends wedding. She had her bridal party plus two local friends for the entire thing. One co-worker met us at dinner for the dinner part only because she had to work that night and another friend and her girlfriend met us at the club a few hours later. She had a lot of girlfriends at her wedding but those who were not invited to the shower or bach party were not upset because they knew that in most cases space is limited.

I do agree if they're invited to your shower than they should be invited to your bach party (and that's where I was coming from with a few cousins-they were invited to the shower but couldn't come, were not invited to the bach party, but were invited and came to the wedding) and Wedding. If you're doing something like a pool party type Bach Party, then I would say the more the merrier. If you're doing something more private like a private Pole Dancing lesson in someone's small apartment, then yeah draw the line somewhere, same with mentioned about limo depending on how much space there is and how many can comfortably be accomodated.