J
Just Said Yes May 2019

Seeking Advice: I don't want an engagement ring, but my boyfriend insists...

Justine, on August 18, 2016 at 11:46 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice

Hi everyone,

My boyfriend and I haven't been seeing eye to eye on the concept of an engagement ring.

I feel that they aren't worth the money, mining isn't good for the environment, and the tradition is overall pretty archaic. I don't typically wear jewelry, so something sparkly and shiny really doesn't do much for me.

On the flip side, my boyfriend said that it just won't feel right. I've suggested he propose with something else maybe? He also said that it is symbolic of a milestone. Personally I felt that the proposal should be more focused on why he wants to marry me, not the size of the ring that he buys.

We are currently at a stand still on the issue. The only way I would cave is if he gave me a reason as to why I needed a ring in the first place (I do want a wedding band, just not an engagement ring).

I figured I could ask some other people what they thought?

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45 Comments

  • MNA
    Master April 2018
    MNA ·

    Why not buy an engagement ring that would also be your wedding band? Make you both happy.

  • FutureMrsD.
    Super October 2017
    FutureMrsD. ·

    They have cubic zirconia (I think that's what it's called) they're fake diamond that looks pretty real and I believe would be considered conflict free.

  • BlueEyeSmile
    Super November 2016
    BlueEyeSmile ·

    Maybe a non diamond engagement ring? A claddagh ring? I would say you both should find a compromise, it's seems like it's important to him.

  • Melissa
    Master March 2018
    Melissa ·

    What mna said. Or do a nontraditional ring that maybe you would really love. I also despise the idea of dropping a lot of money on a piece of jewelry. I just think it's silly (no offense ladies!). So I went with morganite. It's still sparkly and pretty, so it's not something you would like it seems. But my point is. It doesn't have to be this big grand thing you have in your head.

  • Sandy
    Expert May 2017
    Sandy ·

    I also agree with what mna said, he could propose with what would essentially be your band.

  • Shy-Bull
    VIP March 2017
    Shy-Bull ·

    If you aren't to keen on rings, you could do a necklace. OR if he just wants that statement made, i saw a simple band should be fine

  • FutureMrsD.
    Super October 2017
    FutureMrsD. ·

    If he really wants a ring they have non diamond rings. Costco has gorgeous gem rings that aren't too expensive. But I would talk to you hunny and see if there is a compromise. The girls here have given some excellent ideas for you to consider.

  • RandomSydney
    Devoted June 2017
    RandomSydney ·

    I have a moissanite ring that is less expensive and they're made synthetically (moissanite originally came from a meteorite). You could always just get a beautifully designed band with engravings for your engagement ring. Here's my ring with a customized band:


  • Chrissy
    Master September 2016
    Chrissy ·

    I have a morganite- it's pretty, inexpensive, and conflict-free.


  • FutureMrsD.
    Super October 2017
    FutureMrsD. ·

    Both of your rings look gorgeous!!!

  • J
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Justine ·

    Thanks for all of the responses. I actually like the idea of proposing with what would be my wedding band. I didn't think of that, but it would definitely be a move towards compromise.

    Also thank you to those who had some suggestions for conflict free jewelry. I am not opposed to synthetics and you gave me some to look into.

    Such great ideas all around really

  • NativeBride
    Super October 2016
    NativeBride ·

    Mine is aquamarine and was sooo much cheaper. I love it! I suggest finding a gemstone?

  • FFW
    Master August 2016
    FFW ·

    What mna said makes perfect sense. Or do something other than a diamond. Have you considered by insisting he doesn't buy you a ring he may feel you are rushing the proposal.

  • J
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Justine ·

    FFW- He said it would feel like it wasn't complete without something to propose with, but I can see your point.

  • JoRocka
    Master September 2016
    JoRocka ·

    Tons of other stones to chose from.

    I have a black diamond- low demand - much less expensive. Still happy.

    As far as "i don't wear jewelry" I never wore a ring. Till this one- now I wear it all the time- I mean I take off regularly too- but I still wear it. You DO adjust.

  • Mandi
    VIP May 2016
    Mandi ·

    One of my bridesmaid's engagement ring doubled as her wedding band. It was a unique design to represent her, her son and her husband.

  • MNA
    Master April 2018
    MNA ·

    Another point, if he insists on a diamond, they DO have lab-created diamonds now, so that's another point to look into. In fact, there are lab versions of most gemstones available now.

  • NoRushBride
    Dedicated October 2016
    NoRushBride ·

    My engagement ring is a loaner from his family. It was designed so that we would pick out an engagement ring together later. However, he had already given me a pretty expensive promise ring a few years ago. I didn't feel right about him spending even more money on the engagement ring, so I just asked if I could keep the loaner until the wedding. They said yes. I was honored . It helps that it is really simple.

  • Crescent 1894
    VIP March 2016
    Crescent 1894 ·

    I didn't want DH spending a lot of money on a ring either; mine is a pearl. What if you had a plain band for the engagement ring and another, different band for your wedding band?

  • RandomSydney
    Devoted June 2017
    RandomSydney ·

    I forgot to mention this, but he might have an heirloom ring in his family that he could propose with too or maybe there's one in your family. :-)

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