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basicallybex
Devoted October 2017

Same-sex Wedding

basicallybex, on February 16, 2016 at 10:26 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 30
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My fiance and I are both women and are trying to configure things that work for us, without breaking too many of the traditional "wedding activities" I was wondering if any of you ladies, have been to or have had a same sex wedding and what advice you may have. Thanks in advance and Happy Tuesday!!

30 Comments

Latest activity by Alanna, on February 17, 2016 at 1:47 PM
  • VMDIZZLE
    Master September 2015
    VMDIZZLE ·
    • Flag

    Hi there, congrats on your engagement!

    What kind of traditional wedding activities are you wanting?

    My wife and I are a same sex couple and got married last September. We walked down the aisle alone, we did not do parent dances, or garters/bouquet tosses. We still cut the cake and had our first dance. Also, we didn't see each other before the ceremony.

    • Reply
  • AMW
    Master September 2016
    AMW ·
    • Flag

    I saw a gorgeous one on offbeat bride where both women wore gorgeous gowns and that was pretty much the only "non-traditional" part of the wedding. It made for some really stunning photos.

    • Reply
  • basicallybex
    Devoted October 2017
    basicallybex ·
    • Flag

    VMDIZZLE: My fiance isn't religious so we aren't going to have any religious aspects of our wedding. and my dad passed away a few years ago so we were unsure if we should do parent dances/walking down the aisle because I would be left in the lurch so to speak. But we still want to cut the cake have our first dance be announced. I just worry people will expect the dances, and the bouquet/garters and such.

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  • OGSue
    Master August 2016
    OGSue ·
    • Flag

    Honestly it's become the norm to configure a wedding to reflect the couple, more and more traditions are either not being implemented and/or being altered to reflect the couples personalities. For example FH and I aren't fans of flowers, candles, etc, but we and our friends love board games; so our centerpieces are boards games that guests can take home.

    Going off the track really does make a wedding unique and more memorable. Do what makes you and your FW happy!

    • Reply
  • VMDIZZLE
    Master September 2015
    VMDIZZLE ·
    • Flag

    People won't expect anything. Weddings should be tailored to fit you and your relationship. If you just have the cake cutting and first dance, as we did, you will be just fine.

    We didn't have anyone walk us down. My bridesmen walked down, then I did. Then her bridesmaids walked down and then she did. Her father wasn't even at our wedding, so we didn't want anyone walking us.

    We are not religious and did not have any religious aspects. We had our wedding at a beach house, I wrote the ceremony, and my uncle officiated. If you want to dance with a parent, you can! It doesn't have to be your dad. We just didn't want to do any of that.

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  • VMDIZZLE
    Master September 2015
    VMDIZZLE ·
    • Flag

    Richard, the throwing the stuffed animals is so CUTE! Also, I can't wait to see your tuxes, you better stick around!

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  • Jenny
    VIP December 2016
    Jenny ·
    • Flag

    I think a Crawley/Bond wedding sounds amazing!

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  • Britti
    VIP May 2016
    Britti ·
    • Flag

    OP- I'm sorry to hear about your father's passing. When my friends got married one of them waited at the the end of the aisle and the other walked in with her father. They both wore dresses, had a first dance, but no parent dances. As others have said- your wedding should reflect you as a couple. Whether you walk down the aisle alone, with your mother/brother/best friend, it doesn't matter. There is no right or wrong answer, just what you and your FW feel most comfortable with.

    ETA- Richard, that sounds amazing! You better post pictures after your wedding

    • Reply
  • Celia Milton
    October 2020
    Celia Milton ·
    • Flag

    We do dozens of same sex weddings every year (and many civil unions before that, thanks to NJ...who knew.....). I think you do what you want! More and more couples (at least mine) cut the garter/bouquet stuff, speeches and dances they don't want, They walk down together or one waits at the altar space. They have toasts or not, dances with parents or not. They've worn dresses (well, not my guys....) suits, or one of each.

    Keep in mind, that for many of your guests, yours may be the first non traditional wedding they have ever attended. They have no idea what to expect!

    Most of my couples have a processional, vows of course, and rings, and a pronouncement (you should think about how you 'd like to be pronounced at the end. What I say (since many of my couples don't refer to each other as wife or husband) " I now pronounce you legally!!!! married, in heart and mind, in body and soul, in love and in life. You may seal this magnificent union with a kiss!"


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  • Nancy Taussig
    October 2020
    Nancy Taussig ·
    • Flag

    I had 2 grooms enter from either side and meet in the middle in front of me. That way, neither was waiting or walking up an aisle.

    Two brides each walked up the aisle with their parents.

    I've had brides with both wearing tuxes or both wearing gowns or one in a gown and the other in slacks, shirt, and vest.

    The ceremony itself is usually rather traditional with vow exchange and ring exchange.

    I'm not usually around for the reception, so don't know if any did bouquet or garter toss or dances with parents.

    • Reply
  • Jacqui76
    Master May 2016
    Jacqui76 ·
    • Flag

    Well now I know for sure I'm going to be one of the married ladies on WW because I need to stick around for Richard's BAM.

    @basicallybex congrats on your engagement!! And now I am just going to echo everyone else. You can do anything you want for your wedding, and you can cut out anything you don't want. Your friends and family will not be disappointed or miss the bouquets/garters.

    • Reply
  • bwren
    Devoted May 2016
    bwren ·
    • Flag

    I went to a same sex wedding where the two brides still had a bridal party, but instead of dividing them up by gender (bridesmaids, groomsmen), they just had the people they loved standing next to them, so there was a mix. It was both traditional and different, and I loved it.

    They didn't do a bouquet/garter toss, and instead played a few games at the reception. It was a lot of fun!!

    • Reply
  • Sara
    Savvy November 2017
    Sara ·
    • Flag

    When my brother and his husband got married last September, they had their moms walk them down the aisle but they have close relationships with them. They had both male and female attendants on both sides and a first dance. No cake cutting, parent dance, or throwing of anything .

    I think weddings are changing and can be custom to the couple. Do what works for you both. I don't think anyone attending will question your decisions .

    • Reply
  • they/them pigeon
    VIP January 2016
    they/them pigeon ·
    • Flag

    Is your mom still living? Could you have her walk you down and do a parent dance with her? W and I walked down alone and didn't do parent dances because we're not close to our parents, but there's no reason you both have to have your dads or no one fill these roles. (As a dancer who can both lead and follow with more or less equal skill -- it drives me batty when people assume men must lead and women must follow except in cases of same-sex coupledom. That's not how dancing works!)

    If you don't want to have your mom do these things, or she doesn't want to, there's no reason you have to have these roles filled by your technical parent if there's another parental figure you're close to who does want to do it. (For instance, are you close to your FW's parents? Could you meet her and her parent(s) halfway down the aisle and all walk together the rest of the way?) And if there isn't, there's also no reason these things have to be symmetrical. Do what makes you happy, I think chances are good that most people will expect things to be handled a bit differently at a same-sex wedding.

    • Reply
  • Space Princess
    VIP April 2017
    Space Princess ·
    • Flag

    Congrats on your engagement and welcome to WW.

    • Reply
  • BicycleBuiltForTwo
    Master September 2016
    BicycleBuiltForTwo ·
    • Flag

    Congrats on your engagement, and welcome!

    You're not along on ditching traditions. Even a lot of the opposite-sex (?) couples on here buck tradition on some things. For example: we are not having a bouquet/garter toss, our ceremony location is at the top of a trail and our guests will all hike to get there, both of my parents are escorting me into the overlook where we're getting married (no chairs, so no aisle). I haven't been to a same sex wedding, but I have been to several weddings where there were both male and female attendants on both sides of the aisle. One of my friends did this beautifully by giving the bridesman a purple vest for his suit (the men wore black vests), and the groomswoman wore the same dress as the bridesmaids, just in black (bridesmaids wore purple).

    • Reply
  • Almost a Mrs.
    VIP December 2016
    Almost a Mrs. ·
    • Flag

    FW and I are walking in from the sides with our moms since we both have semi-present dads and step-dads. We'll leave together down the middle aisle after we're married. We're both wearing dresses and both have bridesmaids and bridesmen because why not. There's a few traditions that I wouldn't have done regardless, like the garter, but we are planning on doing a majority of typical wedding traditions.

    • Reply
  • Destiny
    Expert June 2016
    Destiny ·
    • Flag

    Hello! We are getting married soon and here are some of the things we are doing:

    We are both doing a bouquet toss, no garter...she is wearing a custom tux, and I the dress, but felt the garter toss is a little inappropriate!

    We are doing a dance with our fathers at the same time, and she wants to dance with her mom. I haven't decided if I want to dance with my mom or not yet...

    We have a 7 year old little boy, and we are going to do a dance with him as well!

    We have both men and women on our sides, and think it is fantastic!

    We are doing a heavy hor d'oeuvres and open bar... decided not to have dinner it will be from 7-midnight.

    We decided before the wedding we are having a dual bridal shower and bachelorette party, because we share the same circle of friends. Smiley smile

    Honestly, maybe this is because I am an openly gay woman, but I do not feel like same-sex marriages are any different, and agree that you should just tailor the wedding to what you two like Smiley smile everyone is different!

    Good luck during your wedding planning! It is stressful, and things change...you find out who are truly your friends, and truly supports you!

    • Reply
  • Bethie
    Master May 2016
    Bethie ·
    • Flag

    Can we keep Richard???!

    So refreshing to see a guy around here - not to mention he has great ideas!

    • Reply
  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
    • Flag

    We had a same-sex wedding. My wife and I both wore dresses. We walked down the aisle together. We had one male attendant and one female attendant. We had toasts. We cut the cake, and had a first dance. At the end of our first dance, we had two male friends come up to dance with us, both to signal that general dancing was open and to let people know that we were happy to dance with men as well as women.

    We had two joint bachelorette parties, but no showers. But this was a question of what people volunteered to host, and what we accepted. (We had an offer of a shower, but hate the things, so we declined.)

    As for what people expect, there is a lot less of that than you'd think even in opposite-sex weddings. And at same-sex weddings, there are even fewer expectations. Think about what traditions are meaningful to you, rather than trying to follow every one you've ever heard about.

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