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mrs.stoosh
Beginner November 2013

RSVP's: When is it time to start freaking out because of those who haven't responded??

mrs.stoosh, on September 12, 2013 at 6:08 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20

Ok, so I sent my RSVP's for my November 8th wedding on 8/31 with a response deadline of October 11th. I got 25 in already with 71 people who still haven't responded. Now I know it's still early to freak out but when I get an invitation I mail my response out right away! It makes me feel hurt that even some of my family hasn't responded yet and only 2 of the bridal party. When should I start reaching out to people who haven't responded and when do people usually start mailing in their responses? I know my wedding isn't the most important thing in everyone's lives and I get that but is it normal for people to wait until the last minute? And when I say the last minute is after the deadline the last minute? Sorry, I'm doing all of this by myself and now that it's so close I feel like I'm seconds from a bridal meltdown! lol If any one has any advice or words of wisdom I'd greatly appreciate it!

20 Comments

Latest activity by MrsO, on September 13, 2013 at 4:31 PM
  • KristnH
    Master November 2013
    KristnH ·
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    Breathe! We mailed out invites the week after you for our 11/17 wedding and have received a few responses back, but I'm sure that will die down. Don't contact anyone to bug them about responses until your deadline hits - that's what the deadline is for.

    Until then, you just have to be patient and wait and see. People will respond, you just have to occupy yourself with other things until then Smiley smile

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  • MrsO
    Master May 2012
    MrsO ·
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    You start reaching out on October 12th. They still have a month to respond until your deadline.

    As far as when most people send in their RSVPs, it's different for everyone. I got the majority of my RSVPs back within the 2 weeks prior to the deadline. A lot of people will wait to mail them back to be sure that they are giving an accurate response. If they RSVP too early, something might come up and they would have to change their response. Many people wait to mail them in because they are lazy. That's usually my reason. It's just how it is. But a month prior to your deadline is definitely nowhere near time to start freaking out.

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  • Mrs. Katie J
    Super October 2013
    Mrs. Katie J ·
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    Our deadline was today...

    Our wedding is on October 12th, 30 days away, and we gave everyone 8 weeks to respond.

    We have 64 people out of 241 that have yet to respond (That's over a quarter of the guests)...

    7 of those missing are from people in the bridal party.

    You're fine.

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  • mrs.stoosh
    Beginner November 2013
    mrs.stoosh ·
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    Thank you both for your immediate comments! they're much appreciated! Smiley smile

    MrsO-Thanks for the advice. I've never been the best and waiting but I'll have to do my best lol That does make alot of sense though and appreciate you telling me how it is. Planning is tough especially when you're nearing the end so I just let my stress run away with me...

    KristnB-It's good to know someone else is in the same boat as me and has their wedding in the same time time frame. It makes me feel less alone! I'll just have to try and enjoy the little bit of planning I have left, it's just a little hard for me to be patient! It's never been my strong suit. Thanks and good luck with your wedding! Smiley smile

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  • mrs.stoosh
    Beginner November 2013
    mrs.stoosh ·
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    Thanks Katie F! Ughh I hope you get your's ironed out soon! Thank God for you ladies on wedding wire I'd be pulling my hair out!!

    Good luck with your wedding!

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  • C
    Beginner November 2013
    Cathleen ·
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    My deadline is Monday (9/15) for Nov. 1st wedding. I've been calling my parents daily to see how the list is going. We have whole chunks of family missing... But then today we get like a windfall of cards (we got a whopping 6 today LOL) So I'm hoping this trend keeps up and the missing number dwindles down.

    My freak out is the one response I got today... One cousin (in her mid 40's) I invited alone (she's been single for about 3 years now) She called and asked my dad if her son was invited, to which my father replied no... only 1st cousins (family is big, and budget is tight). Her RSVP indicates she is attending... not plus 1, but plus 2. PLUS TWO!!! Who DOES that?!

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  • H
    Master October 2013
    HalloweenBride ·
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    Cathleen, you're going to have a very inaccurate guest list. A month and a half deadline is really early, unless it's a destination wedding.

    And Nicole, I'm wondering why my family who lives in the area hasn't responded yet either...it makes me worry some got lost in the mail!

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  • mrs.stoosh
    Beginner November 2013
    mrs.stoosh ·
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    Ughh that's one of my fears too because we've had some issues with our mailman so it also makes me wonder if some RSVP's went missing too! Hopefully all is fine but it makes me nervous!

    Cathleen-that's horrible that one of your guests invited 2 extra people that's another one of my fears lol but at least it's only the one! Seriously who does do that?? Lol

    Good luck with your weddings! Thanks for responding! Smiley smile

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  • KitKatDC
    Devoted October 2013
    KitKatDC ·
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    Our deadline is Monday (9/16) for our October 12 wedding. We have 38 people who haven't responded formally, although we already know about 10 of them aren't coming. We noticed that the people who have gotten married recently or families who recently had a wedding responded a lot faster than the others.

    Don't stress out about it. Just take a deep breath and wait until you get closer to start calling people.

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  • C
    Beginner November 2013
    Cathleen ·
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    We had a very large guest list (over 250) that we had to do major cutting from. Some of the cuts were downright miserable to make. My final head count, room layout, and payment are due 10/15. I wasn't comfortable making the date later and having to scramble getting verbal RSVP's and then playing with the seating. Plus, After we got some of the no's back we were able to send out a few more invites to those we had cut and still gave enough time to respond (actually most of those were back within a week of sending) We'll have to make our fair share of phone calls, but because we sent them early we were able to add some of our cuts back in. I hated that I had to cut some really close friends and co-workers for cousins I never even speak to but had to invite. And then those same cousins go and add guests on their own.

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  • LadyCrystal
    VIP November 2023
    LadyCrystal ·
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    My deadline is 9/21 for a 11/9 wedding. FH & I had a feeling that we would be chasing people down for RSVP's. So far we've received 2 that didn't check accepts or declines

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  • Belais
    VIP October 2013
    Belais ·
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    The deadline for my wedding is September 20th (though I wish I had made it this week...oh well).

    At this point, I'm missing 19/49 RSVPs. Of those, some are FI's family who have (literally) never gotten a formal wedding invitation and don't particularly realize they're supposed to send the RSVP back (and a few of them said they wanted to keep the RSVP card because they really liked the invitations...).

    Half of our bridal party hasn't sent theirs in, one of my aunts said she can't find the RSVP card (lost in a stack of mail apparently), and another family member essentially verbally told me they couldn't come.

    Others are people I essentially know won't be coming, others I thought they would be, but haven't heard anything. :/ At this point, only 35 people have RSVP'd yes out of 108. Looks like it'll be smaller than I thought.

    If I don't hear back from people, I'll be calling the Monday after the deadline to find out.

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  • kt2of3
    VIP October 2013
    kt2of3 ·
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    We got a quarter of our RSVPs back the first week and then...crickets. For 3 weeks. Then 3 this week. Hang in there. Start making calls after your deadline. I post the wedding website on FB on the reg but mostly as a reminder about booking hotel rooms.

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  • mrs.stoosh
    Beginner November 2013
    mrs.stoosh ·
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    Thanks for all of your input! You've helped ease my RSVP jitters Smiley smile

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  • Samantha
    Master May 2013
    Samantha ·
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    I had a bunch come in in the beginning, a slow trickle in the middle, and a bunch come in the last week. I think I had to contact like 5 people total. I also waited a few days after my RSVP date because some people put them in the mail on the last day.

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  • CeCe
    Master May 2014
    CeCe ·
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    You start freaking out a week before your catering numbers are due and not a day before

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  • Mrs. A
    VIP November 2013
    Mrs. A ·
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    This is why I love this forum...I actually made my RSVP date the middle of the week so I could spend the following Sunday calling people if they haven't RSVPed. I have to say regarding bridal party...they think you know they are coming. I had to explain yesterday to one of my girls that she does have to RSVP bc I am using the cards to do the tables. I have had 4 people since Saturday (when I sent mine out) verbally tell me their response. My response to them was please use the RSVP card. (which btw has the return address and a stamp.) SMH

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  • K
    Dedicated September 2013
    Karen ·
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    Nicole - if it makes you feel any better, we are getting married in 8 days and we NEVER got cards back from a handful of people. We "heard" they weren't coming, but nothing official. We are excluding them from our count. Don't stress. Once the deadline passes, just start making phone calls. It is a necessary part of the wedding process, but not something to stress over (just annoying).

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  • MrsGC
    Super October 2013
    MrsGC ·
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    Yes, just breath! I wouldn't start to freak out until you get closer to the deadline. People still have about a month to RSVP.

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  • Ab
    Master October 2011
    Ab ·
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    Yes reach out on the 12th..I always see it as rude if the bride contacts guests before the cut off date..if a couple wanted to know earlier then they should have set the date earlier..Also please try not to be too hurt..the 11th is a ways away and people may be waiting for work schedules, figuring out travel logistics, etc.

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