Rsvps - What do you do if people aren’t responding?

View Quoted Comment LOL I love this.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, sometimes ppl have had a particular bad experience in mind and get really wound up. Maybe don't invite any of these mean guests to your wedding. 😉
I will say it can be 100% about HOW you go about it and communicate. I reached out to everyone being "postponed invited" individually by phone who got a save the date but wouldn't get an invite. I explained why and tried to be kind and not rush them - they were all understanding and honestly might have been relieved (you know, cuz of the plague).
Try to understand from the guests who haven't responded as well - they may really want to come, but seeing where the # are closer to your RSVP date. If they still have time until deadline, you do need to give them that time. After that passes, feel free to rush around and let others know that hey if they can still make it you'd be happy to have them there. They *will* know that they are B list, so that's the warning from everyone. We got invited about 2 weeks out one time - we said no because I thought with her sending so late she was hoping for a no and a gift. We sent her a pretty cheap gift.

Give them a final message of “I understand if you can’t attend. In order to confirm a final headcount, if we don’t receive your RSVP by xxxx we will put you down as a decline.”

Just go ahead and get married !

View Quoted Comment How am I treating people badly? Lol that’s absolutely insane to accuse me of something like that.

View Quoted Comment Yes! Everyone has been so understanding. I literally have been doing exactly what you did. There’s just a handful of people that haven’t responded to my nice texts/calls & it’s just a little frustrating. A “B” list is unfortunately a real thing right now, & I really feel most understand. In our situation, it’s family vs friends. The world is crazy right now. But it’s out of everyone’s hands!

View Quoted Comment Yes agree!

View Quoted Comment Yes! This!👏🏼

Same issue but I live in AZ hot spot
I honestly think people waiting for numbers to come down before committing because they want to but they also want to know if they feel safe
I’ve had people so far cancel RSVPs but ones that never did still haven’t I’m waiting till next month then I’m going to send out update just in case there’s any questions I want them to know I’m still going and wedding still on. We decided we will we’d whether it’s 40 people or 10.

View Quoted Comment In all manners, not just for weddings, invitations are sent at standard times. This is so everyone has all invitations for any date, at the same time, to decide which to attend and which not to. If you send one and want an answer early, before the scheduled time, then they may get another invitation more important, and cancel the first, who h is a big NO NO be aide it shifts hostesses yes and no numbers. Big or formal occasions invitations are sent 6-8 weeks out, and replies are due 1-4 weeks out, not earlier. So if your brother has a six week engagement, you get his, and any friend for the same weekend, and an annual occasion for work for the same date. And you get them all 6-8 weeks out, 10 if long distance. And all answered no sooner than 4 weeks out. Most employers and schools give scheduled time off , or work or exam scheduled at 4 weeks out.
Smaller, less formal ( no venue or caterer) may be invitations 2-6 weeks out, like showers or birthdays, but never need answering til 4 weeks out.
This is the standard manners to be fair to guests
They are not asked to formally commit without backing out, until it is possible to know their incoming four weeks schedule, and til all invitations for the same date are there. If they know, they should answer ASAP. But you are already upset with people for not answering invitations for a September wedding. Manners/ etiquette, are agreed on rules to minimize conflicts between people. You set a too early RS P date, now you aread at people who did not a deer unreasonably early. You created that conflict . If you now say, answer now or do 't come, a demand come now or forfeit the invitation, that is rude before 4 weeks out unless there is an earthshaking reason. A second thing that is always considered rude is leaving people feeling they do not matter. That they are butts filling a seat, and hosts do not care about you. When your reason for breaking convention and asking for early replies is so you can invite someone to fill ever empty seat, people realize you don't much care if they come, and won't wait until the proper about 4 weeks out to find out. You are pushing people, for a reason people find selfish, to B list. Requiring a too early response for your convenience, calling or reminding people to answer that early summons or forfeit the invite, and B listing are 3 things all seen as creating conflict, and rude. You are mad, but you set up the situation, so basically, it is your fault.Solved by backing off, and not pushing people to answer before the usual time, so you can B list. Let people who have not answered yet know they have til 4 weeks out. Do not invite others to fill their seats. This had nothing to do with Covid, it has to do with treating people politely . Nothing about the Pandemic requires answering 5-6 weeks early (9-10 weeks out), only your wish to B list people.

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That's exactly what a B list is. It's rude for a number of reasons, but the one that is causing you problems at the moment is that it's really inconvenient and rude to your guests to ask them to RSVP way too early so that you can invite other people in their place.

Could give them a date to respond by and if they don’t then they won’t be able to attend. It’s a thought. Get the ball rolling. Either you’re coming or not and by the date if you don’t hear back. Boom it answers it for you, not coming

View Quoted Comment You’re right. She should just invite 50 people and if 30 can’t come because of covid oh well a 20 person it is BECAUSE ETIQUETTE .

If they don’t answer just don’t invite them

I ended up having to cancel my 2020 wedding due to COVID, but I put a hard date on the RSVP card and texted everyone who didn’t respond 2 weeks later. Everyone responded, but that was all I was going to do. You shouldn’t have to chase people down to see if they want to attend. If they are ignoring you just assume they’re not coming and if they just show up let them deal with the consequences of not being considerate.

If they don’t respond my the date listed then mark them as declined

I get the strain of the pandemic, but I think you had to have put the RSVP date on the invite to expect a slightly earlier RSVP and I also agree with PP that you can't nag people to RSVP extremely early to fill their slots. If you do a B list, it should kick in when someone RSVPs "no" at a normal time. My cousin used a tiered list, but only filled the list in when they got affirmative "no" responses and filled the spots with friends who weren't offended to be invited on a month's notice (it was a destination wedding so the timeline for invites and RSVPs was generally pushed up).


Also the guests might be waiting to see how many other people RSVP. I was invited to a wedding with 300+ people and I am going to RSVP on the due date once I know their ballpark number because 300 is out of my covid comfort zone but 100 isn't.

View Quoted Comment OP has literally said your advice is unhelpful and unwelcome multiple times. The first post, you could do the "hey, why publish on a forum if you don't want MY opinion?" But the subsequent follow ups have been super odd when she's been clear on her situation and what's helpful for her.
If you (and the other keyboard Emily Posts out here), want to publish your etiquette *guidelines* you guys should write a book together. But make sure you note that when you treat guidelines like rules, you might lose friends and get pushed hard to the dreaded B list.

View Quoted Comment Completely agree! and its always the ones who are married already or getting married next year that like to give their input what you should do. if youre not in the situation, then dont act like you know. its not bad etiquette to disinvite guests when you legally cant accomodate them. these people who r so offended need to grow up

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Yes. Etiquette is just the formal word for good manners. For any event you host you should have one guest list. It is rude to tier your guests - rude both to the people invited early who are expected to respond unnecessarily early, and rude to the second tier guests who only get an invite if someone in the first tier declines. You invite the number you can invite and see what happens, like with any other event.