Rsvps - What do you do if people aren’t responding?

We are September 5th and hoping to get RSVPs by the end of July. We are waiting another week before reaching out to people.

I’d send a follow-up to the ones who arent responding, even if its just an email. I understand where youre coming from with wanting to get a headcount early but a lot of people arent able to commit to something until the date gets closer. If they dont respond to your follow up, I think you can count them as a no. Sorry youre having trouble!

I totally understand you I’m on the same boat. My wedding is on Sept. 6th pretty much my family has all RSVP’d and invites went out mid June and my FH guests have barely mentioned anything it is very frustrating planning around this time but if your due date is coming up for the guest or has already passed I would just give them a call straight up. My RSVP date is aug. 21st and that is what i will be doing the same day or the next. Like come on ppl you know if you will attend or not already. So frustrating 😢

Ughh frustrating to the max! if they dont respond count them out! and i agree with you on B listing. Its not like oh youre our second choice... its we literally can only have family there and if we can have more then we’re more than happy to accomodate! no one will be offended

View Quoted Comment People are *always* offended by B lists and they know when they are on them. They are just too polite to tell the hosts but they will talk about how rude it is behind your back.


There is no reason to tier your guests by saying family is more important than friends. People invite them together all the time without any issues. If you have space concerns, cut out family you are inviting out of obligation to please your parents whom you aren't close to at all.

View Quoted Comment Was i talking to you?

Why do you expect people to have responded so early for a September wedding? The reason for setting final RSVP dates at just under 30 days, is that many workplaces, and schools, do not finalize work schedules or class schedules until under 30 days in advance. People just plain can not commit before they know. You are trying to rush things, and it is pretty foolish to expect people to jump when you say jump, and not at the usual time. Often, when people announce they are doing something arbitrarily early, they expect everyone to go along. If you keep pushing people, you may be shocked to find people getsick of it, and don't come though they had planned to originally. And many may make a final gesture to show you that, saying, you want an early answer I will shut you up. And RSVP yes . But now that they are ticked off, they won't show up. Not because they can't, but because they did not like how you did it. It is downright rude to push everyone Into replying early, in order to issue a second round of invitations, B listing. People who realize what you are doing, often will react badly. And if so, you will be the one to have either a huge number of declines, or no shows. You're not the first one that long time posters have seen do this, very defiant when people warn then. It is sad later, no one says I told you so, when they come on saying, only 4-6 of the 30 who said yes, showed at my shower. Or only 50-60 of 130-150 show for the wedding. I know someone personally who received 7 etiquette books as wedding gifts, and had over 60 no shows (after half of the original people declined
, these 60+ were yes responses).
Very old, not yet married brides Tobe may advise you to hold your position or do what you want, it's your day. But they won't be there wedding day if you have irritated to many people with your attitude. Be a gracious host. Accept RSVP til at least 3 weeks from now, and don't get pushy. Several already married posters here are all telling you this, and you are not listening. Attitude is everything here.

View Quoted Comment Lol! I agree! I like the FAQ

View Quoted Comment
Lol it's entertained a few of our guests...

Anyone trying to make the OP feel bad about B lists being offensive is being completely insensitive to the current world situation. When you sent 150 save the dates out pre-pandemic and now the state is imposing a 50 person limit on you, guess what you’re going to have B lists. What’s the alternative, only invite 50 and if 20 can’t come you don’t fill their spots? Everyone needs to get very comfortable with the idea of tiering and B lists. And anyone that’s offended by them right now should go kick rocks. Planning a wedding during a pandemic is hard enough without people being offended by you trying to do your best.

Etiquette is still followed regardless of a pandemic and it doesn't make exceptions because hosts find it inconvenient. Tiering and B lists will always be rude in any and every situation. At the end of the day, people will do what they want anyway. Guests will decline and talk among themselves but never say a word to the hosts.

View Quoted Comment Hallelujah. Thank you so much for this response! I think it’s obvious that I’m not being a stuck up, B listing bride, lol. It is ONLY because of the pandemic. Sheesh

View Quoted Comment It's a pandemic.. does no one understand this??? Of course the “etiquette” is going to be different..

View Quoted Comment I disagree. In my opinion, it’s shallow to think that way during a world wide pandemic

View Quoted Comment Lol this is great!

Listen people. I know it’s unorthodox to try to get rsvps in early. HOWEVER, with the crazy situation going on in the world, in my opinion, the “etiquette” changes. Like Nick said, why would I not want to fill the spots if people know they aren’t coming?? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. If the pandemic wasn’t happening, it would be totally different! To everyone being supportive &/or KIND with your advice, thank you. Some of the responses on here are brutal, sheesh.

View Quoted Comment This is a ridiculous excuse. There is nothing about a pandemic that requires you to be deliberately rue to other people. That is a choie

Continued... That is a choice you are making. I have been to two showers and two showers where people have been perfectly polite hosts. And one where hosts went
back and forth, made decisions, changed their minds, and unecessarily jerked people around. The mother of that brides was terribly upset that the couple received only 4 wedding gifts , when all the bride's other family received a gift from every guest attending, and every sibling, aunt, uncle, grown niece or nephew or first cousin who was unable to come, or was not invited because the wedding had to be small. And yes, we gave a full gift. Guests know when they are treated badly. And nothing about Covid requires rude treatment of invited guests.

Sorry. Due to the helpfulness of puppies,my post got all chopped up. above, two showers and two weddings fine, and one badly handled wedding.

View Quoted Comment Agreed - I think there's sort of "pre COVID" etiquette, and post. When I sent Save the Dates, I really meant to invite everyone. Buuuuut, pandemic. If we have a very low #, I'd also like to "invite back" some friends - even if it's a gesture since many are taking precautions and not attending events (which we get.)
If the guests "belong" to a side of the family, I'd employ your fam or in laws. My FIL is all about hunting ppl down, it's hilarious. 😂✌️