nicole
Savvy September 2020

Rsvps - What do you do if people aren’t responding?

nicole , on July 17, 2020 at 10:46 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 68
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What do you do if people aren’t responding to your wedding invite? Due to covid, I’ve been trying to get our numbers in early since we can only have our wedding at half capacity. I’ve explained to this everyone, hoping they’d understand. I know people are probably waiting it out, but I also feel like most people know if they’re attending or not. They’re not even responding to texts. I’m already stressed & this just annoys me to the max! Any advice??

68 Comments

Latest activity by Sarah, on September 16, 2020 at 9:49 AM
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    If your RSVP date has passed I would message everyone and tell them that if they don’t respond by X that you will mark them as not attending. Most people will not respond too far in advance but if it’s passed then I would just be upfront with them in that message. If they know they will be counted as not attending they will respond if they plan to attend. Good luck.
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  • Sylvie
    Dedicated September 2020
    Sylvie ·
    • Flag
    When is your wedding? I’m waiting on my invitations in the mail and I kinda feel like this will happen and it’s taking my joy away... just picturing everyone in mask is 😢 planning has turned into 😫😫😖😖🤯🤯☹️☹️
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    If they aren't responding to texts, I would try a phone call. If that still isn't successful, I agree with Cyndy's suggestion of letting them know (maybe through text or email) that you need a response by X date, and if you don't hear from them by that date, you will be counting them as not attending.
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag

    I see that your wedding is still two months away so I think it is hard for your guests to plan whether they want to attend or not with everything going on in our country. We got married pre-Covid and still couldn't get people to give us straight answers. We also had people tell us that they would be attending, but didn't show up. Even if you get answers from people, with how crazy everything is you could get people accepting, but not actually showing up.

    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    We’re in this boat too and waiting it out for now. Invites went out mid-June and several rsvps came in the first couple weeks, but now crickets for the remaining half of our guests. We don’t actually have to have our final count until 8/22, but I’d like to know ASAP because of our catering minimum. I haven’t directly asked anyone, since I know a lot of people are waiting to see how things progress, but it’s SO FRUSTRATING! Most of those who haven’t responded are my FH’s guests, so he’s going to start texting and calling people around 8/1.
    FH’s adoptive mom texted me the other day about our daughters birthday and I tried to causally mention the wedding, but she was super evasive so o just dropped it. I know they are still self isolating because they are at a higher risk, so I’m sure they are waiting because numbers have started to sneak up here again. At this point it’s mostly my family planning to attend.
    I think all either of is can really do is be patient. September is still well over a month away. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    People are so bad about rsvp that you just gotta keep reaching out but it gets to a point where they’re an assumed no if they still don’t respond after a while
    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    My FH and I made a decision that whoever doesn’t RSVP by the deadline we’re just assuming that they don’t want to go. If for whatever reason they reach out to us at any point and tell us that they would like to attend, if it’s possible for us to add them back in with our venue then we certainly will, but I’m definitely not going to be reaching out to people to see if they’d like to attend.
    • Reply
  • Jodie
    Expert August 2020
    Jodie ·
    • Flag
    My FH and I decided before we even sent out the invites that I'm not wasting my time chasing people down. I've given them 4 different ways to RSVP- card in the mail, on our website, email, and text. If they can't have the decency to do any of those that's on them. They are all adults. There is a FAQ on our website that specifically says if they do not respond to the rsvp request but still wish to come plan on bringing a chair and a sandwich because they will not be in our final count. It may seem mean, but at some point I have to stop the coddling. Weddings are expensive and stressful enough without having to chase people down and beg for a response. If they want to come then they can RSVP.
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Master December 2019
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    RSVPs are hard enough as it is, but COVID restrictions are probably making things harder.

    I agree with many, if your deadline has passed give them a hard date to respond to or be counted as a "no".

    • Reply
  • Jana
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
    • Flag
    You call/text/email immediately. If they don't respond to texts, call them. If they still don't respond after multiple attempts, count them as a no.
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    It's really too early to expect people to RSVP to your September wedding. People genuinely don't know what's going to be happening in September in terms of the virus, safety, travel restrictions, etc. There's no way I would be able to RSVP right now about a wedding in September, and that's probably true of a lot of your guests.

    I don't understand your comment about trying to get your numbers in early because you can only have half capacity at your venue. In that case you just invite up to the new capacity number. B-lists are still rude, to both your early guests (whom you ask to RSVP too early) and to your late guests (who are second choice guests who get less time to decide if they can attend the wedding or not).

    • Reply
  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
    • Flag

    Call them, message them, etc. that’s all you really can do. Just follow up.

    • Reply
  • Jana
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
    • Flag
    Do not do a B list at all. Your reply date for a Sept wedding should be mid-August. Typically 2 weeks before your caterer needs a head count so you can tally responses. You don't need replies this early unless you are B listing which will highly offend all your guests.
    • Reply
  • nicole
    Savvy September 2020
    nicole ·
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    I don’t think it’s rude when there’s a Pandemic going on.. all family is invited first, then friends. It’s not necessarily a “B” list.
    • Reply
  • nicole
    Savvy September 2020
    nicole ·
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    It’s not offensive. Family is invited first, then friends. If no one understand that then that’s upsetting.
    • Reply
  • nicole
    Savvy September 2020
    nicole ·
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    Totally agree!
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  • nicole
    Savvy September 2020
    nicole ·
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    100% agree! Thanks girl, good luck to you too.
    • Reply
  • nicole
    Savvy September 2020
    nicole ·
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    September 5! We still have time, but we’d like to have friends attend if some of our family cannot. It’s been so stressful but I know it’ll be worth it!
    • Reply
  • Mrs. S
    Dedicated September 2020
    Mrs. S ·
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    I like this idea! Setting that sturdy deadline is good!
    • Reply
  • Mrs. S
    Dedicated September 2020
    Mrs. S ·
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    Totally agree!
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