Rsvp deadline too early?

We set our RSVP dates three weeks before, because our caterer didn't need numbers until a week before.

We were invited to a wedding in October that had an RSVP date before our wedding. We didn't know, so we said we were coming, because we knew we would if we could. We didn't end up being able to go. This is another risk you run with an EXTREMELY early RSVP date.

I buy plane tickets last minute (used to it because I travel a lot) sometimes I ended up paying less than booking super early. So no, not everyone buys tickets 3 months in advance. You have to give them a reasonable deadline and accept that you will not be able to invite the currently uninvited friends.

I remember received an invite for a DW for a friend 2 months before and in her head that was plenty of time. She was upset when I had to decline. I did ended up attending her bridal shower which most people declined (since they were not invited, or invited super late). So yeah, don't expect such friends to run to their computers to book their travel once you invite them 2 months before the wedding.

B-listing is bound to offend someone. Why do those of you that B-list take that risk? It's always wrong to tier your guests.

I can't even with actually straight up telling people they're not priority guests.

My DW is In 8 mo and we have sent out our STD & RSVPs to have a preliminary headcount to know how much we will be spending. My grandmother is a wedding planner and suggested we do so. Gotta do what's best for you, mama. You know your wallet better than anyone else. Yes, B listing is rude, but I do think you were inquiring innocently. You can't tell people what to budget for if you don't have the exact price/estimate per room for an adequate room block.

That's too early to even send and invite....

Yeah, I'm thinking that the STD is the new A list, paving the way for B list rudeness.

Please don't B-list. I literally just made a post about this b/c it happened to FH tonight. He's not going to say anything to them and if it's brought up he's just going to say he understands. But I promise he's pretty salty. I rather not get invited at all and told it's a small wedding than to be B-listed.

Eta: It's very clear he was B-listed. The RSVP date is for tomorrow.

Way too early!

@socalbride

I'm guessing your FH large family is on the invite list out of total obligation. If so, I totally get it. They'll be offended and you will never live it down. I know this type of person. That type of person would call you rude for not inviting them, and so you're stuck with people on your list that you may not even know. I get it, and I'm assuming your friends to do. Your wedding, so do you. And make their RSVP dates to suit your needs, not theirs. They don't like it, they don't have to attend.

It's not about being a priority as much as it is how much you can spend. Many of us would love to invite everyone! It changes so much on the budget and number of people.

Why are you selecting the rsvp date for your September wedding now? It's December.

I don't know about the 'b-list' stuff on this thread, but you've raised a legitimate issue which everyone seems to be ignoring - out of state and country weddings are ENTIRELY different beasts to standard 'I've never left my home town' style weddings which are probably 90% of the respondents' experiences on here. I had a 'destination' (sort of) wedding with most of the guests from out of state and a good proportion from outside the country. This is because my husband and are from different states, met in a different country and have friends and family from far and wide. It's not easy. Save the dates are a must and honestly, sending out invites reasonably early is absolutely necessary for out of state and international guests because they need plenty of advanced warning. If you don't want to do the invitations too early then follow up with each guest to see if their intention is to come. Just following the WW community's idea of 'etiquette' based on some very narrow (and quite arbitrary) ideas - such as that ridiculous 'two week before' rule, is only appropriate if it matches your situation. It doesn't sound like it does if most of your guests are from out of state. I really think that if you just keep in mind what is most appreciated by your guests then you'll do fine. But of course, the b-listing thing is pretty crass, I'd avoid it where possible

@Kristin No

UO: we have many people coming from out of town (1/2 of our guest list) and we have a minimum count were struggling to hit. We will be sending out our first round of invitations a couple months early to all of our families so we know where we stand with numbers, and then friend invitations will follow. I understand why it can be considered rude, but I also understand there are some situations where it is necessary.

Honey b listing is ok for you if that's what you do I have a b list as well and they know about it and is totally cool never let anyone tell u what is rude and its your wedding you can do what ever you choose do not rule out b listing. If it was a no it would not be a wedding thing nor would it be on these apps

@becca my family lives in one state, his family lives in another. Conveniently on opposite coasts. It doesn't matter where we go, at least half of our guest list would be traveling. Without prying into everyone's finances and health records, it's hard to know exactly how many people will say yes. We're covering all bases with family first, and then will be filling in with friends. Call it rude, it's what works for our situation.

It is b listing is in both wedding wire and the knot that's where I got my idea from

IMO- Weddings aren't one size fits all. Everyone has different situations, family, friends, and circumstances. PERSONALLLYYYY, if a friend came to me and said hey I really want you at our wedding, but FH has a huge family so we need to see how many RSVPs we get.. i'd probably understand that (depending on the friend and how close we are.)

In general there are rules and guidelines you want to follow to safely and successfully host an event- but this is one that I feel can be bent a little depending on your unique situation.

I love weddings, so please send any b list invites to me! I will be happy to attend and not pissy about it. Also if we are friends, I will not stop talking to you because you made decisions that made sense for your financial situation. I love all the celebrations!