Rsvp and final count

Tell FH's family "I'm so happy that you're coming, but please send the card".

I would also ask for the RSVP card to make it "official." Or at least check in with people closer to the RSVP date. We had a few people tell us early on that they're coming but have since changed their mind.

I think that giving the lower number is just asking for trouble.

Do the best you can. People are ridiculous about these things....on both sides. We had 7 no shows despite verbal "yeses". Give an accurate count. Ask for the card, but realize that you cannot control people.

My first marriage I had to call 70 people on fh side. Almost all of them said yes. Day of wedding 50...FIFTY people didnt show. We had to pay for all of their dinners.

You have to put everyone on the seating chart and you have to have enough food there for everyone who said yes

We aren't considering it an RSVP if we don't have the card in our possession. The rules are bent for our parents (who have sent theirs in) and grandparents. Other than that, if they've only verbally told someone they are coming and we don't have that little card by May 16th, then they will be getting a call.

Don't assume they are coming unless you have that card in your hand. Even then if they don't show that is out of your control. My Venue told me "We can Always Add after our final count, but not subtract". Once my date comes for final count I will give the number of people who RSVP'd, the stragglers I will track down and then give those numbers to the Venue.

Don't assume and don't give a lower number. Give the venue exactly what you have at the time.

I strongly encourage return of the actual card. Verbally, people are flaky. A few people we never did get the cards back, but I had called/e-mail them again to confirm and I knew they had booked flights so I was less concerned.

You should give the venue the exact number of YES RSVP's and not lower. There probably will be some last minute cancellations and it sucks having to pay for those people, but there's nothing that you can do other than be a good host.

I think that as long as they tell you how many are going to be in their party and if you have a little notebook or something for yourself, to make a note of how many people are coming, so you can get a final headcount...I would think that would be okay. And once you have the final headcount, you should always plan for at least as many as your final headcount..that would suck if someone said they were coming and ended up coming a long way to find out they didn't have a seat because they have a verbal rsvp instead of a paper one!

I am not counting someone as an official RSVP until I have their card in hand. When people say "Of course I'm coming!" I say "I'm so glad! But please send me back the RSVP card, because those are what I'm counting with."

It depends. If someone specifically called me to tell me they were coming to the wedding, I counted that as an RSVP. If we were out at happy hour and a friend casually mentioned "I'll be there" when talking about the wedding, I gave them a call after the RSVP date just to confirm.

Do you have meal choices or anything on there that you could use as an excuse to need the card?

Ughhhhh I hate this. People are like "can't I just text you?" and I'm like "no, I need the card." I mean, come on. I addressed it and stamped it. If I don't get it back, I wasted a stamp and my time. It take two minutes to write your name, check a box, seal the envelope, and drop it in your mailbox...

@Beth exactly! Stamps are freaking expensive!

I would definitely get it in writing just like anything else important.

No, you need the card. Anyone who gave you a verbal RSVP, call them and tell them you still need them to send back the card.

That sucks, I don't blame you for being frustrated...both with your mom and your guests. Ask politely, once, for them to return the card. Once your RSVP date is passed, start calling anyone who did not turn the card in and ask them one last time. Do not underestimate your numbers to your vendors, that's a disaster waiting to happen. If someone says they're coming, count them.

I took verbals and logged it the same in my spreadsheet. A card doesn't mean squat to people who will no-show. All of our no-shows sent the card back with a "yes."