Abby
Beginner May 2020

Roles for 9-11year old cousins?

Abby , on December 14, 2018 at 10:26 AM Posted in Wedding Ceremony
Hi all! I’m wondering if anyone else dealt with a similar situation - I have cousins who I really want to have a role in the wedding (I was the flower girl in their mother’s wedding). The boys will be 9 and 11 by the time of the wedding - which people are telling me is too old to be ring bearers. Has anyone else created roles for kids about this age? Should I let this go?
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20 Comments

  • Alexandra
    Rockstar June 2019
    Alexandra ·
    I don’t think that’s too old to be a ring bearer! My flower girl will be 8 and she is THRILLED. I’m just making sure to have her in a more mature dress than a traditional flower girl and also giving her gifts which are mini versions of what my bridesmaids are getting.

    As long as you treat them the age they are, no one really cares what you call them! If you want them in your wedding, have them in your wedding
  • Mim ·
    Bridesmaids and brides men. Age doesn't matter when you are considering your bridal party
  • FutureMrsD
    Rockstar July 2019
    FutureMrsD ·

    I don't think it's too old to be a ring bearer. So ring bearer, junior groomsmen, or usher?

  • Maggie
    Champion October 2025
    Maggie ·

    I think 9 and 11 are perfect ages for ring bearers. Other community members have upped it a little bit and made their ring bearers "ring security." You could always do that: give them some shades and one of those costume sheriff stars and let them walk down the aisle. I'm older than 11 and I still think that's so cool!

  • Brittany
    Expert October 2019
    Brittany ·

    9 and 11 aren't too old to be ring bearers! As Maggie suggested, you could make their title "ring security" instead. My flower girl will be 9 years old, and ring security will be 15! but, their my niece/nephew. I wouldn't have it any other way

  • B
    Expert July 2018
    Brittany ·

    I'm very close with my little cousins so I wanted them included too. The 7 year old boy was a ring bearer, 12 and 14 year olds were Junior groomsmen and the 5 year old girl was a flower girl. My husband's younger half sisters ages 12 and 14 were junior bridesmaids and his 8 year old half sister was a flower girl as well. The junior groomsmen walked my Grandma down the aisle so they also served as ushers. If you don't want to consider your cousins junior groomsmen then they can be ushers!

  • Blaire
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Blaire ·

    They can always be greeters! All they have to say is thank you for coming and point to where the wedding is. I've been to a couple weddings that have done this and it's pretty cute and the kids think they're super important.

  • Gipperkm
    Super September 2018
    Gipperkm ·

    9 and 11 aren't too old to be ring bearers. My nephew was our ring bearer and he was 8. He loved that he got to be in the wedding and have such an important role. He took it very seriously and we even gave him one of those "sheriff" badges from Things Remembered with his name engraved on it.

    If you decided you didn't want them to be ring bearers, they can always be greeters or ushers and help walk the female guests down the aisle to their seats.

  • Hayli
    Beginner August 2019
    Hayli ·
    I am having my three girl cousins in my wedding and they are 8, 9, and 10. The 8 year old begged to be a flower girl, the 9 year old loves to read so she will read a special passage during the ceremony, and the 10 year old is going to have her own “special” role. The 10 year old absolutely does not want to be in front of a crowd so we will give her the total of “bridal attendant” and have her serve cake or have one specific job for the day. I think having the boys as passage readers or as cake servers would be a great idea!
  • M
    Beginner February 2019
    Morgan ·
    What I did with my first wedding was create an spot in the processional for my 8 year old cousin. We had a vase that held flowers in it for deceased members of our family that couldn't be there and he carried that up to the front of the church and put on a table near where we said our vows. He walked in during processional b
    Before the bridesmaids and groomsmen.
  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I have heard where they are a guest book attendant. Make sure everyone signs the guest book. Not sure if she will be ok speaking to people she does not know.
    The boys can do readings if the want. Or escort people to chairs.
  • Maria
    Expert October 2019
    Maria ·

    My FH's younger sister (age 12) and my niece (age 9) will be junior bridesmaids. You could have them be junior groomsmen but I think that ring bearers, greeters, or ushers would also be perfect roles for them! If they are really mature perhaps they could do a reading?

    Other options....roll out an aisle runner if you are having one, pass out bubbles after ceremony, open doors, carry train of dress?

  • Rachel
    Devoted September 2019
    Rachel ·

    I agree with the others that the age is fine for ring bearers. That's technically the more traditional age for this honor, anyway, if you consider that they actually used to be responsible for carrying the real rings down the aisle on a little slippery pillow.

  • Bridget
    Expert August 2019
    Bridget ·

    I don't necessarily think any age is too old for ring bearers, I mean people are even using their grandmothers as flower girls (which is super cute too) lol! but if your uncomfortable with that idea you could have them take part as ushers.

  • Julia
    Beginner June 2020
    Julia ·
    I don't think that is too old. They could always be jr groomsmen or something is the ring bearer title isn't to their liking.
    I was a greeter in charge of the guest book and passing out programs in a cousin's wedding at that age.
  • Sam
    Master August 2024
    Sam ·

    Hi Abby! Have you decided on a way to incorporate your cousins in your wedding? I'd love to hear what you came up with!

  • Kaye
    Dedicated February 2020
    Kaye ·

    I actually think 9 & 10 is a bit older for ring bearers but i also think it's you wedding and if you wanted a 16 year old to do it they should do it.

    I always saw the ring carrying, flower throwing roles as duties for very little kids, toddlers and such but i've seen all types of things.

    Older kids can also walk other members of the family down the aisle.

  • Sydney
    Dedicated April 2019
    Sydney ·

    I think 9-11 is a little over the age for ring-bearers BUT if they're into it got for it. We have two (boy and girl) who want to be involved so they're responsible for greeting the guests and handing out programs. Good Luck!

  • Abby
    Beginner May 2020
    Abby ·
    Thanks for all the suggestions and advice!! I’m leaning towards not involving them - mainly because they’re both kind of shy and I don’t think they’d want to be ‘in the spotlight’. If they were into it, I’d probably have just gone for it and had them either be ring bearers or ushers, but I don’t think it would suit them. I’m looking to give them a more behind the scenes role so they still feel included, without the pressure of being in front of the crowd.
  • Sherry
    Expert September 2019
    Sherry ·

    My 28 year old sister asked to be my flower girl lol.....age doesn't matter. Although I did tell her no, but only because we aren't having any type of bridal party.

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