Ring struggle.

There’s nothing you can do unless you want to buy your own ring, which would obviously be very hurtful to your FH. The price, size, or quality of your ring in no way reflects his love for you or the quality of your relationship.

Honestly I would just talk to him about it. I was just talking to my FH about it and he was like well what if he didn’t know it was fake? He said that he would not have known because he doesn’t pay attention to that type of thing, so that could be the case for you. I really don’t know here, but you should talk to him about it.

First, I would have a conversation with him. Granted, it won't necessarily be an easy one, but marriage is full of difficult conversations.


Not a really important point, but lab created diamonds are not CZ. They are the equivalent to ice made in a freezer rather than outside. Moissanite (which isn't diamond) also is not CZ. Are you confident you know what the stone is?

View Quoted Comment I’m almost positive he knows since he’s the one that told me it was “lab created” but then when i looked up the company they have awful reviews, saying stones were falling out, cracking, turning brown, etc and the company doesn’t honor the warranty. I just don’t feel like it’s worth the hassle considering how much he still paid for it.

You can talk to him, but I imagine the only thing that is going to accomplish is upsetting him. So if you don't want to hurt him, then you are just going to have to deal with it.

View Quoted Comment The company he bought from has both lab created and simulated diamonds. The stone in my ring is a simulated diamond. Not a lab created diamond.

View Quoted Comment So maybe that's where you want to start, find out what his understanding is of what he bought you. It could be that he doesn't understand the difference between a lab created diamond and a simulated diamond.


Did you know he was going to make the purchase on his own without your involvement?

View Quoted Comment We had been talking about engagements and i had showed him a few photos of the rings i liked and he went from there. I had an idea of when he was buying it. But didn’t know exactly timing or from where.

You could talk to him about it, but it’s about your approach. You can tell him you did some research and what you found. You could even tell him that they have awful reviews about honoring their warranties and it makes you nervous. For the record, my center stone from Kays fell out once and it’s real (so they say). Only difference is that they honor their warranties. He probably didn’t know what the difference was and thought it was special.?! I wouldn’t start by telling him that you hate it though. My ring isn’t even an engagement ring. I found this out while buying my wedding band. The sales guy stated my ring was a “right hand ring” and suggested I trade it in. I said no way!! Who in their right mind would pay that type of money for a “right hand” ring is beyond me. To me, the ring is special because FH picked it out for me. I hope you feel better about the situation soon.

View Quoted Comment I would talk with him.


Having said that, if you really don't want to discuss it with him, perhaps purchase a stand alone wedding band that you like and just wear the one ring.

As the other posters have stated, you should talk to him. I would also caution that it may upset him. The type, size or value of the ring does not represent the value or meaning of your relationship.

My engagement ring is exactly what I asked for and is not a diamond. FH and I browse Tiffany's and we looked at their diamond engagement rings. He is willing to buy one to replace what I have. At first, I was totally on board but now, I don't want it. It wouldn't have any meaning. I will treasure my engagement ring forever and likely won't 'upgrade'.

You're going to marry this guy, you should be able to voice how you feel. I know people say the ring doesn't matter and it's just a symbol for your marriage, but in the end you're the one wearing it for the rest of your life. I'm sure your FH wouldn't be upset at least not forever, especially if he can afford to get a different one.

I honestly wouldn't say anything because it's going to not make you look good and it seems that you could come off like you're superficial. If anything why don't you get a very nice wedding band and then wear that in lieu of the engagement ring when you guys get married.

Do you have a pic? So, it sounds like you’re fine with the ring setting itself, right? But just not the simulated diamond. Well you can speak with him about the research you did in order to learn more about the stone (and explain the possible issues it may have). Maybe he’ll see your point. If not, offer to upgrade the stone yourself to a diamond. But currently none if those things have happened to your ring. So it might be fine with regular jewelry maintenance that every ring needs.

This is such a difficult situation & I'm so sorry you are going through it. I would say if you are this unhappy with the ring, you should definitely have a conversation with him about it. It sounds like the company is very untrustworthy. Would you be able to return the ring? Or would you have to purchase a whole other ring out of pocket? I know people say “the ring doesn’t matter” but let’s be real... it does! You have to wear it every day for the rest of your life- you want it to reflect you and your style. It’d be like being told you had to wear a shirt you hate every single day!

I had a ton of issues with my ring when I first got it. The company who made it did a very poor job and stones were constantly falling out because the setting was awful quality. They “fixed it,” but ended up making it worse. We were eventually at a crossroads of figuring out what to do with the ring. It was a very tense situation because my FH was very proud of himself for picking out the ring, but the issues with it made me HATE it and never want to wear it. We had multiple very difficult conversations, saw multiple jewelers, and eventually paid $1200 to have the ring fixed and the wedding band remade (he bought the set). I totally get that you’re worried about the quality of the ring and are upset-it’s definitely not easy! My suggestion would be to write out a list of concerns you have, then have a conversation about it. Going into it logically and not emotionally will most likely make a world of difference.


If the setting itself is good and you like it, you always have the option to upgrade the stone, and remember it IS just a ring, even though it definitely doesn’t always feel that way!

I’m torn. On the on one hand it would be easy for me to sit here and tell you that it’s not the ring that counts, it’s the thought. AND WHILE THAT IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE, I love my ring, and FH and I picked it out together. That’s what makes it so special to me - he knew me well enough to know that I wanted to help him pick it, and we found a beautiful ring we both loved together. And if I had picked it with him and he still bought something different, I think I would have been sad. So I get it. Can you talk to him about maybe doing something special for your anniversary, like a one year anniversary? Getting a new set altogether to mark your first year of marriage?

View Quoted Comment I agree with this ( probably unpopular) idea. Did you decide to spend $4-6K on a ring , or other jewelry, for him, of your earned money? You are basically saying, your gift of love is not good enough for me, I want diamonds. I don't think people are entitled to choose the gifts other people give them. So I would say, wear the ring as a token of his love. Down the line, if you want to spend your money on fancy cocktail rings, do it. Change out the stone after a few years marriage, when you have lots of money beyond wedding costs, home and cars, fine. But rejecting his gift, I think wrong. Hurtful, and unnecessary. Buy him a diamond ring, if it is a necessary part of a proposal. Why should you get one? He is clearly willing to marry you without a pricey stone. You are good enough, he thinks, simply because he loves you. But you are pretty clearly saying, he is not worth it, without a diamond too. How awful. Think of how you make him feel. It is not as though he bought you a vacuum cleaner to make cleaning the house easier. It is simple costume, not gemstone, jewelry.

Maybe you could ask him why he chose that style. Since you had looked at rings together before he proposed, I don’t think it would be too out of the norm to wonder why he chose something so different than what you liked. If he was all about the lab created diamonds (or whatever) for an ethical, financial, or any other reason, that seems like something he would have mentioned. Maybe by opening the conversation you can find out why he made this purchase instead of what you told him you wanted. You can also let him know you’re concerned about the durability because of the reviews. That is definitely a valid concern. While it may be petty to want a diamond, I doubt if any of these girls telling you that you’re wrong would be pleased if they found out their diamond was not what they thought it was.

View Quoted Comment I think that's way harsher than it needs to be.

I always feel a bit uneasy when the advice to a woman is "shut up and wear it". The message seems to be that her discomfort is entirely acceptable but we mustn't upset a man. I would argue that is a horrible precedent on which to start a marriage.

It is one thing to graciously accept a hideous gift from our great aunt Norma which we can then bury in our sock drawer, it is quite another when the expectation is to wear it for many decades.
My engagement ring isn't a diamond, it is a gemstone. I chose that. I can say that it requires ample confidence in your choice to wear an unexpected stone for an engagement ring. I don't require a ring to get married, but I do need to feel confident in what I'm wearing. I think it's a bit much to suggest the issue is she won't marry him without a diamond rather than she doesn't want to wear something she doesn't feel good in. I would opt out of a ring entirely rather than have a simulated diamond, or choose to buy myself a ring. Perhaps she is the same. Why doesn't she get to choose those options?