Removing someone from wedding party

I don't believe you for a second that taking phones away was your guests' idea.

View Quoted Comment Yassss!!!!

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100%. Love a classic back pedal.

View Quoted Comment If it wasn't your idea all along to confiscate your guests' phones, you wouldn't be so heavily defending it. People know to put their phones away for the ceremony, or definitely will if you ask them to on the invitation or with a sign. You don't need to treat them like children.

Also, it is an honor to YOU to have your guests at your wedding, not the other way around. They are there celebrating your marriage and may have put more into being there than they're getting out of it, especially if they have to pay for travel and lodging. If you don't care about being kind to your guests, just elope and don't have any at all. Problem solved.

My fiance and I have heavily budgeted and saved for our wedding and are still having a two year engagement to accommodate the cost. I truly don't care how much the officiant is (although it's just a couple hundred or so here), we would budget it in. If the DJ messes up, it really sucks and would put a damper on the party. If our officiant messes up (here, ours also files the paperwork in the courts for us), we aren't legally married.

I think this has already been resolved, but what the heck? I'm chime in.

1. Obv your friend will be hurt. But I do recommend you hire a professional. It's the one most important thing in the wedding -- it needs to be done right. What are you going to do if the new friend you've "hired" forgets to send in your marriage license? What if it expires and then you have to get a new one, and get re-married? Are you okay with that cost? Normally, if you used a professional, you could have them pay that cost or sue. Are you willing to sue your friend for messing up your big day?

2. If I had kids at home with a sitter, I would never ever let my phone be confiscated. Sorry not sorry? I can stay off of it and put it on silent for sure, but you don't need to take it away. I usually don't agree with people that would walk out, but I'm imagining it now, and I just can't imagine actually complying with that rule.

3. If you couldn't afford your wedding, you should have cut the guest list. You aren't entitled to have one; it's a luxury party that not everyone gets. I'm far from wealthy, and I planned my guest list accordingly: immediate family only. And I paid the most out of everything to my officiant. Because that's what matters.

Just my two cents

There's no nice way to ask someone to step down from a position. You can hire a pro to prevent this from happening again. As far as phones, it's inappropriate to ask your adult guests for their phones. Make the announcement asking them to turn their phones off and put it in a program if you have one. Trust your guests to be respectful of your wedding and venue. I wouldn't give you my phone, nor would I leave it in my car. I would know not to have it on, but it would be in my possession. Your guests probably won't tell you what they really think out of fear of hurting your feelings. These forums will tell you the truth, feelings hurt or not. I've learned that with some of my ideas and am thankful for it.

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This....

It's not YOUR day. YOU are not the most important person to these people. YOU are probably not as important to people as you think they are. This is like when my sister told me she would charge admission for her wedding because she just knows ALLLLL these people want to be there. NO They don't. (by the way, she's not engaged yet and I put an end to admission prices). People love you and they want to be there when you get married but that doesn't mean they want to be treated like children or crap or outside of appropriate etiquette.

Once you invite guests the day becomes about making your guests comfortable and not only about what makes you happy. It's a very juvenile attitude to have that all that matters is what you want.

And just so I say my peace here - I do not understand unplugged ceremonies. A few people took pictures and they are some of my favorite pictures! It was so fun to see them the next morning as well and be able to relive my day. My professional ones turned out well but if they hadn't I would have been much less upset because my friends/family took wonderful pictures and shared them with me.

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YASSSSSSS!!!! Wish we could still like posts here... seriously.

I think if you want to remove your friend from being an officiant I think you should hire a professional to replace your friend. I think it will be rude and hurtful to remove one friend and replace with another friend. This way you also now have a valid excuse that you have decided it would be easier to go with a professional while telling them you no longer can her her officiate.
I also agree you shouldn’t physically take away ppl phones. With a sign saying to please not you use your phone should be enough. I would not put my phone in a basket filled with other phones. I would act like the adult I am and respect the couples wishes and leave my phone in my purse.

View Quoted Comment It isn’t a big deal anymore, it’s becoming popular as many people like to keep their privacy to them.... like I said above, I’ve attended a couple already, I left my phone on my car; and it’s not like I showed up and I was told hey btw you have to leave your phone here, it was stated in the invitation ...
it will be more and more popular, many people can’t have a life without telling the www about their entire day and there are also many that are private, it’s simple if you find rude just decline the invitation.

View Quoted Comment Maybe reaching out to the admin and ask to be deleted? I understand your frustration, it’s the online world where miscommunication happens... do what’s best for you, in the end is your wedding like you said your guests have no problem with your phone policy. Best of luck.

View Quoted Comment The problem isn't not wanting people to use their phone. The problem is forcing people to part with their property.

"1. It's no one's business what we're doing for my wedding. If you aren't paying, you aren't saying. I don't really care what anyone in this thread has to say about how they would leave.... with their gift. Is that all it's about to some of you? Because seriously I am SHOCKED at the number of people who have said it as if it's some sort of threat. You should be ashamed."

No, OP - you should be ashamed for treating your guests like children via their phones. Yes I would leave, with my gift and I gotta tell you I am one of the most chill people out here. Pay for a Diet Coke? Okay. Pay to park? I suppose. But put my phone away and get a ticket to retrieve it? I passed sixth grade a while back, thanks. I would leave, because as a grown woman with a Master's degree I don't like being talked down to and condescended too like a child. I can silence my phone or read a sign about no phones that someone made. Or follow an officiant's request to silence them. Or how about this: I can silence it all my own as I am a grown up?

Your talk of budget was rude as well: We ALL have budgets. It may be $2000, or $20,000 but we ALL have them and we find ways of properly hosting our guests without shortchanging them.

Enjoy your wedding.

I’ll be honest, I skimmed the last few pages.

If this person is really your friend, maybe talking to them honestly about your concerns would be a good start. I’m all for being open and honest.

On the phone thing - hell no. I’d just keep it in my purse and if asked if I had one, I’d lie with a smile on my face.

If someone I know invited me to a wedding and then when I arrived, attempted to take my phone from me, I would have to leave. I am on call at all times do to my line of work. I am always respectful and keep my phone on silent but if I miss a call that could lead to some serious consequences for me. And sorry, but I’m not losing my job over missing a call at someone’s wedding because they treated me like a school child and took my phone from me.

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Yes, I agree that it's rude for someone to come to your wedding and not respect your unplugged rule. But I also think it's rude for you to ask.