Removing someone from wedding party

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Taking people's phones is always a big deal, Mari. Not sure where you got the idea it wasn't.

View Quoted Comment I'm a teacher too lol this whole post reminded me of my class of 12 year olds but instead of me asking them to put it away if I see it......they walk in the door and I put my hand out and say....GIVE ME YO PHONE!! lol I can't 😂

View Quoted Comment I think it's ride for someone to come to MY wedding and not respect,what I ask. Idk to each their own. I am having people wait until after our first dance. Yes it at the beginning of my reception but if they can't wait to use their phones until after that. They don't need to be at MY wedding. 😇

I'm not having an unplugged ceremony. Guests are just excited to be there and want to capture special moments and share them. I've seen some great pictures come from just candid shots guest have taken at weddings. I understand the whole unplugged ceremony thing but just not for us. DEF. cannot take phones at the door, I would literally go home depending on how close I was with the couple. I think saying it's unplugged on your website or somewhere will suffice. They are adults.

I think the officiant conversation is just a hard one you're going to have to have. The sooner the better. Just be honest. Never use a friendor, I would be so nervous if I had a vendor involved in my wedding and I had nothing in writing to hold either party accountable. Good luck with everything.

Kim you do what you want honey! This is YOUR wedding if you FH is okay with it. I say go for it girl!!

Gonna say this loudly for the people in the back. THERE IS NO POLITE WAY TO FIRE SOMEONE FROM YOUR WEDDING. This should be a no brainer. The reason you can't think of how to do this tactfully is that there is no way. You wanna do it, fine but there isn't a polite way to go about it.

I find it VERY hard to believe that everyone in your party is totally fine with you taking their important, expensive devices. But let's just say that IS true. Anyone who is 100% ok with you taking their phone is also 100% okay respecting your wishes to not use their phone. So, like, why not just trust them? You don't trust them to not take pictures, but they are supposed to trust some freakin stranger to take their phone. HOW do you not see how ridiculous that is? PLEASE reconsider.

Also- before my WW days, we were planning on having a friend officiate. Because of TV and movies, I also thought "anyone can get ordained on the internet". I found out, in my state, that was not the case. I hope you have done the research to make sure your state is not like mine. Want to be sure everything is correct and legal? Hire an officiant. It's literally the ONLY vendor you must have to get married.

I agree with the sign thing. You should leave it up to them to put their devices away. This is the actual sign we will be using. And I found tons of these. So it's something people definitely do.

Tl,dr. What are you going to do if someone says no to giving up their phone? Are you going to also hire a bouncer-type to forcibly remove the phone, or the guest is they refuse to comply?

View Quoted Comment I get wanting an unplugged ceremony, but why do you need to collect them? Why can't people just leave them in their pockets or purses? If I was a guest at your wedding I would be lying and saying I left it in the car.

OMG, are you going to have a metal detector at your wedding? Seems you could probably save that money and put it towards an officiant....js

This is one of the most ridiculous and rude things I've ever seen here on Wedding Wire.

Being a bride, does not give you the right to be extremely rude to your guests, treat them like children, and demand that they give you their personal devices.

I think you're confused and not understanding what an un-plugged ceremony is. You REQUEST that guests put their phones on silent. You do not DEMAND and take their devices away.

I think a great solution would be to just elope, that way you don't have to worry about anyone taking photos. It's pretty clear that you don't care about your guests comfort anyway, so why even invite them?

This isn't high school. You seriously don't trust people to not follow your wishes to have an unplugged ceremony?

This is the last response I am going to make to this. This has gotten completely out of hand. I don't know if I just didn't communicate well or what, but the responses LARGELY have nothing to do with my question.

I have the tendency to overshare (ugh... I'm a blogger, so help me lol) and I shouldn't have even mentioned what I might give this person to do instead of being the officiant.

1. It's no one's business what we're doing for my wedding. If you aren't paying, you aren't saying. I don't really care what anyone in this thread has to say about how they would leave.... with their gift. Is that all it's about to some of you? Because seriously I am SHOCKED at the number of people who have said it as if it's some sort of threat. You should be ashamed.

2. I recognize that offering them a "lesser" job might be insulting. I had the best intentions at heart when I suggested it. This person just wants to help with the wedding. They have been my friend for a long time and I wanted them to feel needed - I still do. I just think the role of officiant with all of the drama going on in their life right now is just going to be too much to ask. I'm honestly not trying to be a jerk - it's about them and what they have going on and lessening the burden on them. I realize they will be hurt and upset either way. But I think only ONE response out of what, like 50 now?... yeah only ONE person actually gave advice about what to say to them.

3. I didn't even come up with the phone taking idea - several of my guests did! I don't honestly care so long as phones stay put away. And to the people whining about "what if they have children!?". Seriously? The wedding will take 30 minutes. Movies where 99% of people keep their phones on silent or off and put away for 99% of the time are over 2 hours long. I think if people are willing to do that, they can be willing to put phones away in some fashion for 30 minutes of their life and be present for my wedding.

4. Yes, hiring a friend to be an officiant was probably not the best idea. This all goes so, so much deeper in reasoning - none of which I owe an explanation to anyone about. Just know it wasn't really motivated by money and that I sincerely wanted to find a way to include them in my day - and still do. I just recognize that this probably isn't the job for them.

5. I don't know what kind of crazy income you all have, but I would suspect most of you understand what a budget is and that I can't just drop something else or save money somewhere else to make up for it. I have largely DIY'd this wedding myself and saved tons of money already. But there's only so much you can do. Things cost what they cost no matter how much you create yourself and how hard you stalk Facebook Marketplace for people's leftovers.

6. Not that it matters now to the conversation, but it keeps coming up so I'll respond to it. Yes, anyone in the state of South Carolina can be ordained online and perform a wedding ceremony. To quote...

In South Carolina no laws exist requiring ministers to register with any government office in order to perform marriage though all wedding officiants must be at least 18 years of age. Same-sex marriages are recognized in South Carolina.

The only step you need to take to have the legal authority to perform marriage is to become an AMM minister. Although there is no legal requirement for ministers to register with the South Carolina government, in the past certain County Clerk's offices have asked our ministers to produce documentation verifying their ordination.


Aaaaaand that's it. I had zero intentions of coming across as rude or trying to treat my guests like children. None of this crap was even my idea - it was the idea of people coming to the dang wedding. I will not be responding to this thread. I'd honestly delete it if it would let me.

Thank you to those who were kind enough to try to help - even the backhanded helpful responses.

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"It's no one's business what we do with our wedding." Well when you post on a public forum, it is. You asked for opinions. You got them.

Also, clearly you don't have children with your comment about the It's only 30 minutes. I need my phone with me in case of an emergency. You don't get to dictate what someone needs and doesn't need.

Your budget comment was so un-called for. Way to make a super crazy judgemental comment. Most of the people here have been saving for YEARS for the wedding. You plan the wedding you can afford, so that means inviting the number of guests you can host, which includes being able to have a professional officiant. Literally the only part of the day that is a legal matter.

How do you not see how incredibly rude this is?

View Quoted Comment Hi! Just real quick,

1. This is a public forum, so you made it evvvvvveryone’s business

I am in favor of white lies in certain situations, this being one of them. Tell her that you didn't realize your venue (being a monestary) requires you to hire an authorized officiant. End of story. You can ask that she perform a reading, or offer a toast at dinner.

Then, your professional officiant can simply ask people to ensure their phones are on silent, and to please keep them put away during the ceremony.

For my own wedding, I'm simply asking that "if you're sitting on the aisle, put your phone away and just smile". This way, the photographer's pictures won't be wrecked by cell phones sticking up during the bridal party's (and my) entrance.

Ah yes, everyone on this forum is so wealthy that we’re all willing to spend ~$300 for literally the most important vendor at the wedding.

View Quoted Comment You posted on a public forum. You're the one that said you're taking people's phones from them. People are commenting based on what YOU posted.

Of course people are going to give you ideas of what you should do at your wedding, the polite thing to do is say you'll discuss it with your FH and whoever is helping you plan, and then forget it if you think it's a dumb idea.

You may not be commenting again, but I know damn well you're still reading. If it wasn't even your idea, then DON'T DO IT. There is no reason to take anyone's freaking phone away. Why can't you trust your guests to not use their phone for 30 minutes??? ANYONE willing to GIVE their phone to a stranger is willing to put it in their pocket/purse and just not use it. You ARE treating them like children. You are literally telling them you do not trust them. It IS ridiculous. Do it if you like but just know everyone at the reception will be talking about you behind your back. Us strangers are telling you the freaking truth. For one second, stop being mad that no one told you how to politely fire someone from your wedding (spoiler alert-there is no way-that's why you got no advice about it) and think about what we are saying. You may not like HOW people are telling you, but we are trying to help you. DON'T BE RUDE TO THE PEOPLE YOU SAY MATTER MOST. I'm no blogger, but I am smart enough to understand that.

Let me be the first one to tell you that it takes 1 second for something to go wrong. My son has choked and had a seizure so I know first hand how quickly things can turn. Everyone has a budget THAT THEY WORK WITH. everyone commenting is giving advice from what you posted. I'm sorry things aren't going well for you but don't be rude when people tell you how bad of an idea something is on a public forum.