Removing someone from wedding party

This is not 6th grade math class. You have no right to take anyone's phone.

And if you want to avoid officiant drama, hire a professional. Being an officiant isn't just "I now pronounce you husband and wife". It requires public speaking skills and an ability to write a 15-20 min ceremony minimum.

Is this for real? Not only do you want to demote this person from the most important role in your wedding, you want to ask them to do a job instead?

Also, is your wedding in the summer? You can’t leave your phone in the car when it’s hot out or it’ll overheat. You should also just trust the people you’re inviting to respect the venue, as well as your and your FS, and keep their phones away. I’m not getting married at a monestary, I’m just trusting that those attending my wedding will keep their phones away for 20 minutes.

View Quoted Comment Actually it’s stated in the invitation; there’s a couple that decided to hire security to protect their guesses privacy’s- a couple actors attending the ceremony; they didn’t want their pictures all over social media neither the bride and groom wanted pictures of their wedding on social media platform before they got to see their own pictures taken by their professional photographer. It’s not a big deal nowadays.

Just hire security- The venue will give you names of companies that do this kind of job.
With that said, have you stated in your invitation no phones allowed? I think if you confiscate phones at the door with people not knowing that would happen you might have a problem; people need to know in advance.

This is why I always suggest hiring a pro.

Sorry but I would never give you my phone. We had an unplugged ceremony and not a single person took a photo. It worked just fine. I would absolutely respect your wishes and silence my phone but I'm not giving it up. That's crazy to ask that. Trust and respect your guests please.

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Yes, the invitation details and the wedding website both explain that we're having an unplugged ceremony and what that means.

I honestly expect ZERO issue with anyone about this (and it totally isn't even what the post is about LOL). I have no idea why complete strangers who aren't even invited to my wedding are having such a fit about it. I'm having a Facebook conversation with quite a few attendees right now who have no issue with it. *shrugs*

For anyone else reading still... my question is about how to politely remove someone from being my officiant. I can see how providing them with a different job might seem rude. Honestly, I had the best intentions at heart when I suggested it.

View Quoted Comment Then you should be okay.
I have attended a couple “unplugged” weddings, like I said before it was for the privacy of a couple attendees and the groom and bride wishes which was not a problem for me at all, if it was then I just decline the invitation.
There was a friend of a friend that needed to sign a privacy disclosure (she works for an actor) and submit before to attend the wedding.
I don’t understand either some getting upset about it when this is something no new at all.
I have seen people taking pictures while on the wedding and publishing in social media without an authorization from the groom or bride, I find disrespectful.
In regards your friend, no sure how I would handle the situation. The best for this kind of tasks is hiring security, they bring like a key shelf type and give the people a ticket number that they can claim their phones back.

View Quoted Comment There is really no "nice" way to do it without hurting their feelings and damaging the relationship. The best suggestion was already given which is to hire a pro so you can tell the person that you did it out of their best interest to reduce their stress of running the ceremony.

Your guests may just be saying that to be nice and are rolling their eyes at home.

View Quoted Comment You got an answer to your question. Hire a pro and tell your friend you decided you wanted a pro officiating. Easy.

And the the point of the forums is to get honest feedback. Your friends and family likely won’t tell you to your face if they dislike something about your wedding.

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"If they aren't paying, they aren't saying..."

If they don't like my wedding, they can go have their own. LOL

I don't think there's a way to "politely" remove someone from the role of officiant. Your friend will be hurt. There's no way around that.

I do, however, agree with PPs that you need a professional officiant. Officiant is not a role in the wedding party. It's a job, performed by someone experienced in performing a service for a couple. You need someone who can write a ceremony that best fits you and your FS, who is composed in front of a crowd, and can be trusted to correctly complete and file your marriage license.

Like I said, you're going to hurt your friend when you tell him or her that you no longer want him or her to perform your ceremony and you will be looking for someone else. I do think that there are some ways to make it hurt less. Asking another friend to officiate after you fire friend #1 from this job would be hurtful. Hiring an actual professional to officiate, though, will at least make it clear to your friend that you just needed someone with experience and they might not take it as personally as they would if you replaced them with another friend. As others have pointed out, asking your friend to do a menial task like collecting phones (something that isn't really a role in a wedding and is completely unnecessary to have anyone do) will be humiliating, frustrating, and insulting for your friend. Shoot, I would feel so bad for the person having to ask each guest for their phone and having to explain why in the world they can't just turn their phones off or silence them and hold their own phones during the ceremony. Having to deal with that... I'd think you must really wanted to get back at me for something. Anyway, an appropriate alternate role you could give this friend that would still honor them, but take away the main responsibility of performing the ceremony, would be to ask them to do a reading during your ceremony.

I can't repeat this enough...no matter how well you try to do this, your friend will be upset with you. That's not to say you shouldn't try to handle this in the best way possible. It's just important that you don't have this expectation that this is going to be tidy with zero resentment.

BTW, unplugged ceremonies are normal enough now that all people really need is a sign at the ceremony entrance, a note in your program, and/or an announcement from the officiant before things get started and guests will have no problem turning off the phones, or at least silencing them and not using them at all during the ceremony. It is 100% not necessary to tell people ahead of time to leave their phones in the car or have someone collecting phones at the door. I'm sorry, but that's too much and comes off as extremely controlling.

I take away my STUDENTS’ phones if they will not stop texting in class or before they take the AP test. Taking away phones from adults over whom you have no form of authority is appalling and infantilizing. I’d gladly put my phone away and on silent if asked (actually I would do it regardless) but there’s a fat chance in h*ll that I’d give a random person at a wedding my phone. I would laugh in their face.

I would absolutely never give someone my phone at a wedding. I respect unplugged ceremony’s and kept my phone in my bag and on silent. If someone tried to make me give up my phone, I would literally leave. That’s so rude. Don’t treat your guests like children.

There’s no nice way to remove a friend from your wedding. Handing her a useless and ridiculous job like attempting to collect cell phones from guests is worse than just telling her you’re going a different direction. You should honestly hire a pro though. That can be your excuse with her. If not, how do you plan to be polite about it?

“Hey you’re not going to be my officiant anymore because you’re too much drama. Instead I’m gonna ask this other friend and hope they don’t cause too much drama”?

Also, I bet a lot of your guests will lie and say they left their phones in the car. I have small children and check in on them when I go places. I would 100% respect your unplugged ceremony but I wouldn’t be “checking” my phone with anyone.

View Quoted Comment I'm having an unplugged ceremony in a church as well. I am not collecting phone's. If you are collecting phones, even with a claim ticket, unless the guests sign waivers YOU are responsible for any phone that is stolen or damaged in any way.... Do what you want with that information.

You want to know how to politely removed someone from your wedding party?
You don’t.

Okay - back your original question: Do not hire another friend. Save your money someplace else. Hire a pro, there is a reason people HIRE people to officiate, cook and prepare food and hire musicians.

"Look, I can tell this may have more than you can chew - I hired a pro officiant so you can relax and enjoy our day. I realized friends and family should not have to work on this day. He or she is already hired!"

In an earlier post on this thread you mentioned the venue is letting you use it for free - was using a friend a cost saving device? If so, is asking another friend another cost saving device? If so, you wil save $$$ but it will cost a friendship. If I was asked to cut the cake, officiate, be a bridesmaid, serve coffee, whatever and I showed up (after being fired I probably wouldn't show but what the heck) and saw someone else doing my role.....I would be gone and take my gift with. See ya.

Kimi, there are reasons a post started on a Friday evening has generated 45 responses and counting this fast. Your cell phone idea is rude, condescending and frankly out of line. Your friends may be saying no problem but they are probably afraid you will fire them if they say something!

View Quoted Comment To answer your question, you can't politely remove someone from your wedding. Hurt feelings will result no matter how you go about it.

Also, if you can't expect your guests to be respectful of your wishes to have an unplugged ceremony, to the point you have to remove their property from them, why are you even inviting them?

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You said until after the first dance, which is during the reception. And it's rude, plain and simple. Ceremony has become accepted (though, I find it incredibly rude and presumptuous to tell me where my thoughts need to be; if I'm at your wedding, chances are I'm paying attention, but to make me promise I will be by banning my phone use like a child is rude). Definitely the reception is a no-go.