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March 2020

Religion disputes!! Plz help!

Sabrina, on February 7, 2019 at 6:27 AM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 14
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Hi,
My brother is engaged to a Greek girl who is baptised under the Greek Orthodox Church. We are Italian Catholics and our parents strongly believe in our church. My brother and his fiancé agreed to compromise their church, having either the baptisms of their future children in one church and the wedding in the other. However, both my parents and her parents are completely unhappy with this decision, and both parents insist both must be done in their church. They have completely ignored the preferences of the bride and groom and only care about themselves and what the family will think. Our parents and her parents have even threatened to not attend the wedding and never talk to them again, The final solution is to call off their engagement because no one can agree and the wedding can’t go on without someone being unhappy. I will be devastated if they break up especially over something so selfish. So please, I ask for your help, is there any way a marriage license can be signed under 2 churches? Or any other solutions? Thanks!!

14 Comments

Latest activity by Maria, on February 7, 2019 at 10:13 PM
  • Monica
    Devoted July 2020
    Monica ·
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    The solution is, frankly, for them to tell both families to piss off, and do whatever THEY feel comfortable with.

    Compromising their wishes to accommodate either side’s selfishness is a no go. It is THEIR life and the family can choose to love and support them in their religious choices (even if they do not agree) or they can go pound sand.

    Caving to the demands of either side here will set them up for a lifetime of expectations that such accommodations will continue. Not good!!
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  • M
    Super November 2019
    Melissa ·
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    Your brother and his fiance are grown adults who are capable of making their own decisions. The families need to butt out.
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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    It seems to me that the answer is to have a civil ceremony and not baptise any kids. That way neither set of parents feels the other religion has been prioritized. Or they’ll be equally mad that it’s a civil ceremony. Might cause more problems. I agree they need to tell the parents to get stuffed and do what THEY want to do. Let them threaten - the reply to that is ‘you’ll be missed,’ then change the subject. Their wedding, their choice - and their compromise sounds very reasonable to me.
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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    Or, if they really feel they must, get married in one church and have a wedding blessing in the other? I know the Catholic Church will convalidate civil weddings, don’t know about that of another religion though. Or, talk to both priests and see if there’s any way they can have an Orthodox priest and a Catholic priest jointly preside over the service? They’re not too far removed from each other, they might agree to do that if your brother and SIL explain the situation.
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  • M
    Expert September 2018
    M ·
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    I understand people are set in their religion and wish their children would follow their path. Its your brothers and his fiancés life. They need to determine what is right for them and how they will live their lives. The family that is upset by this needs to suck it up and remember to love and support their child. Or keep it up, continue with the drama and alienate their child to the point they don't want to deal with them.

    I don't think the couple needs to break up. I think they should do what they want. And if someone's going to be upset with it so be it.

    Its the same God...
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    No it cannot be signed under 2 churches. Once it is signed it is signed. I have however seen many brides on here who have 2 separate ceremonies due to culture/religious reasons. One is just basically a vow renewal but looks just the same.

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  • M
    0000
    Mim ·
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    A marriage can only occur in one time and place. As far as your loved ones are concerned, I believe that Catholic and Orthodox Church cannon recognizes marriage and other sacraments between the twio. They should talk with their priests about it before things go any further.
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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    OK, this interested me and I did some digging. It seems like the Catholic Church recognises a marriage which was performed in the Greek Orthodox Church, provided it was done in accordance with the laws of the church. However, it doesn’t work the other way around - the Greek Orthodox Church doesn’t recognise a marriage performed in the Catholic Church. But I would definitely say they need to have a discussion with the priests.
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  • Maria
    Super October 2019
    Maria ·
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    It might be nice to see if they can have a joint ceremony with priests from both churches in a neutral spot like outdoors. They can still celebrate SOME of the traditions from each then.

    Long term, I think they need to discuss what religion they see themselves pursuing in the future. It's going to be one or the other or neither. Personally, I think if they are going to be religious, it makes sense to have all these events happen in the same place. The parents should be happy that they have decided to commit to something that works for them.

    On a side note, I know couples that have tried to pursue two different churches at the same time (Catholic & Protestant). They were going to two masses/services a week and got totally burnt out...ruined the parts of religion that they actually enjoy. I don't think that is the solution here.

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  • Swtnss238
    VIP May 2019
    Swtnss238 ·
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    I dont understand why it would even be considered for them to break up....like really? Why get married if something like this would cause u to break up? If they truely love each other they will put their big boy pants on and stand up to their families even if that means the dont get money from mommy and daddy to pay for their wedding.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I would just support your brother & his fiance as much as you can. It should be their decision, they shouldn't have to have two churches 100% involved if they don't want to, just to please their selfish parents.

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  • W
    Dedicated October 2019
    WeddingBliss ·
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    They should decide how they want the wedding, and if they want to have both religions into their wedding, they should speak to priests of both religion.

    I am not familiar with Greek Orthodox at all, and only familiar with Catholic teachings as a infrequent parishioner (who graduated Catholic school). I would say if they want to go the route of having both religions bless the wedding than they should speak to their priests directly - do not speak to a lay person working on the church behalf. I can only speak to my situation, and the original Parrish that I reached out to, the lay person who was the wedding coordinator, made everything so complicated. In the end, we decided to have the church blessing by my FH family Parrish, and the priest was so helpful & he said that lay people tend to make it more complicated. The priest also used to teach CCD at my old Parrish and my grade school alma mater (and recalls people in my family), so everything lined up really well.

    I hope that everything works out in the end - at the very least there is always eloping...

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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    Catholic priests aren’t permitted to celebrate a marriage outside of the church, unfortunately, and I suspect it might be similar for the Greek Orthodox priest. What I don’t know is whether a priest can celebrate a marriage in a different church.
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  • Maria
    Super October 2019
    Maria ·
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    It likely won't be recognized as a Catholic marriage/ceremony, but women have posted about having them help officiate ceremonies in other forums I have read.
    I'm Catholic and I would say that unless they "pick" a church they are going to have a difficult time getting married in either due to all the marriage preparation required.
    Good luck to them!
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