Rehearsal dinner- who pays?

Rehearsal dinner should be your gift to your bridal party and parents. We are paying for ours

You pay if someone else doesn't offer. We are fortunate that my finance's parents are paying for and planning ours. OLD tradition is that the groom's parents pay and they follow the old tradition very closely for everything wedding related.

Guest absolutely do not. If someone from the family offers then they can, but not your guests. FFIL offered to pay for ours, if we do one, I suggested deli trays and sides with beers and wine at someone's house because spending a couple thousand on a dinner just seems like to much to me.

ETA- by a couple thousand I mean in our scenario, I dont think its fair to ask the bridal party to have to find sitter for the night before and the entire day of the wedding so I want children to be included in the rehearsal dinner

No, it is not ok for people to pay for their own meals at the RD. That is terribly rude. The RD is a thank you to the wedding party for attending the rehearsal. You should pay for the meal.

You pay. And you pay for just the BP and other rehearsal participants. It's not a second wedding; it's a thank you for the people who are rehearsing. Pizza and beer and wine is a totally fine way to go.

If you see a check from your FIL's, fab, but don't count on it, and don't make people pay.

You have to feed folks for coming to the rehearsal. Whether that's you paying or someone else, the folks that attend the rehearsal will want to eat afterwards. Doesn't have to be fancy, though!

That's what I thought. I can't seem to find something cheap and casual before we are all away, so it's not like i can have everyone over for pizza. Really wish the in-laws would cough up some money but doesn't look like they will! Here goes another few thousand dollars I guess...

We're paying for ours. We're taking our families out to dinner.

Unless someone offers you pay. Best one I've ever been to was pizza, beer, and bowling. We had a blast.

"another few thousand dollars"??

Where do you live? How big is your BP?

My MIL hosted our RD at a local pizza place. We had 20 people. I can't imagine our total was over $300.

Guests should not be paying. FILs are paying for ours but they offered as the "traditional" thing for the grooms family to do.

Traditionally the Groom's parents. Today couples are getting married older and are paying for their wedding themselves so the rehearsal dinner becomes a big last expense. I suggest if you are going to have one, you pay. If you can't afford to have a dinner but want to have something intimate for your guest consider something fun like bowling or miniture golf to just hangout. Or a meal at a family members home. That way you can have something prepared and control the cost. You can still treat but it won't be nearly as exspensive.

Please don't have it at someone's house unless you are catering.

We are a destination wedding so it can't be at someone's house haha. I'm looking at having it at the hotel where the wedding is and where most of us are staying, and it's $1000 rental fee just to have it there, nevermind the cost of food and alcohol.

My estimate is 30-40 people. I'm just going to have to price a few different options up.

We had a "welcome party" the night before and called it a "Wedding Eve Bash". We invited everyone (but our wedding was less than 50ppl) and it was at a restaurant with open bar and heavy appetizers. Cost was $1000.

So I have a question related to this. If it is ok to have a more laid back affair in your home, is it also ok to cook said meal yourself and/or have a family member cook? My rehearsal crew will literally just be us, our siblings, and parents so a family style meal seems appropriate.

The RD is to thank your bridal party for their contributions of time, money, and their attendance at the rehearsal. It should include parents and siblings, but it doesn't need to include every OOT guest. I know that your situation is a little different since you're having a DW, but the RD, wherever it's held, is to honor your bridal party (and, of course, immediate family should be invited).

You cannot ask your bridal party to pay for their own meals (especially when they've paid for the attire, their flights, and their lodging). If they have to pay for their own meals, they have every right to skip your dinner and go to a restaurant of their choice -- whether it's five star cuisine, local cuisine, or pizza. This is on someone besides the honored guests. Remember, this dinner is not to honor you, but to honor your attendants.

Tradition says that the groom's parents pay for the RD, but tradition isn't what you should stand on. Your FMIL's offer to help you plan it needs to be answered with one question: "Plan it? Are you offering to pay for it? If you are, we can plan it together. If not, I'll have to do the planning myself since it's our money that's paying for the dinner."

You don't have to spend $1K to rent out the hotel restaurant and then hundreds more for food and alcohol. There have to be local restaurants, some expensive and some modest, that can and will accommodate your party. Either start googling restaurants in the area or call the hotel, tell them that you will be bringing a sizable group to their hotel to celebrate your wedding in August, and as part of your welcome package, you'd like to include a list of moderately priced, local restaurants that your guests can take advantage of. It can be a local bar and grill. It can be a chain restaurant. There have to be inexpensive places to host this dinner (remember, the RD is not a mini-reception). Not everyone who lives in a DW area eats at five star restaurants -- they have other options. I'd start looking for those types of restaurants.

This does not have to cost your thousands. Get on the internet or get on the phone -- or do both.