Rehearsal dinner plus 1

My Ex BFF (notice: I said ex, total bridezilla) didn't allow the BPs SO's to the rehearsal because the grooms mother "couldn't afford it". We were understanding because of how expensive they can be. When we got there all of groomsmen had there SO's there. The BP were the only ones that couldn't bring their SO's. It was extremely rude.

Weddings are about you and your FH, but you need to be considerate of the people in your party. Don't put your stupid wedding rules before your friends.

^^^ The fuck kind of weddings have you been to where the BP doesn't spend much time with their dates?

ETA: not you @Downing

My grandmother told me if I didn't take my cousin I would be tearing the family apart. My cousin has no idea that I was forced to take her, and she has no idea that I really regret doing so. Honestly, I agree with the social pair thing. I don't know if any of you caught this earlier, but I said that I really didn't want it to be fancy, and although I am grateful to my MIL, it's stressing me out about how much money is being spent. HE IS INVITED NOW.

My cousin CAN afford these things, she's a spoiled 21 yr old who gets literally whatever she wants. I have reached out to her for the past 5 years (our families were astranged for a long period because our families were having a sorry of feud, which is why my grandma made me take her to avoid stirring the pot) trying to hang out with her and support her. I went to her high school graduation, and all of her parties, I hid a fifth in her room and made a game for her to find it while she was away on vacation. I painted a pair of shoes for her whrn she asked me without hesitation. I'm always there for her when she needs it. She texts me and asks to use me as a cop out for something she doesn't want to do all the time. I'm just insulted that as a family member I do so much for, she would pitch a fit about not being able to bring this plus one that she just asked if she could bring to the wedding 2 WEEKS BEFORE THE WEDDING. Bridesmaid IS an honor. To refuse to put on the dress and try it after I picked it up for her because she didn't want to drive to get it herself is ridiculous. I just wanted to make sure it fit. Don't come to my parties, fine. But can you at least not ditch me on this one last thing? I'll be 5 minutes from her house. It would have been an hour or two of her time without him. If she doesn't even call him her boyfriend, how are they a social unit? At this point I wouldn't be surprised if she shows up late to the wedding.

The issue has been resolved. I decided I would rather her be there and have my MIL pay for an extra head, even though she has consistently been disrespectful to me and my whole family. I love her anyway. I guess I just didn't want to choose her in the first place because I always sorta knew she would let me down...

@Rachel and @Amber: You both have some pretty poor views of what a BM is and should do. Saying shame on the community for being honest? That's pretty ridiculous (and a vio, considering you're *literally* shaming the community as a whole).

The bp's purpose is to show up in the dress as a show of being someone close to the bride who cares about the couple and supports the relationship and marriage. They are not there to play slave to the bride, plan the wedding, etc. if they OFFER to help, great. It isn't their job though. If you feel it's someone else's job to plan your wedding, fucking hire a wedding planner. You don't get to use your BP as glitter covered slaves to get that service for free. That's just treating your friends like shit, and is a good way to find yourself without friends after the wedding.

That line of thinking, that the BP should cater to the whims of the bride, is a very bridezilla line of thinking. We have seen many, many instances where brides come on here complaining about how their BM aren't doing their "duties," only for her to later return and complain she no longer has friends. Friends don't treat each other as slaves.

If you can't handle planning your own wedding, or you find it that stressful, then you need to elope. Period. Wedding planning is only as stressful as you make it. I doubt you stress yourself out over how to make a doctor's appointment. That's literally what the majority of planning consists of: making and keeping appointments, and paying the resultant bills. If you can't handle that, elope. Period. Don't push it off on someone else you aren't paying. Expecting someone else to plan your wedding for you because you don't feel like it or find it "too stressful" is just selfish, entitled behavior.

How the fuck do someone function in real life if they feel that way about friends and wedding planning?!

All of my bridal party is bringing their families to the rehearsal dinner. We didnt invite kids to the wedding so we included them in the rehearsal dinner, first so they can have a little bit of a celebration with us, and so parents didnt have to find sitters 2 nights in a row. ( we didnt do kids because I want everyone enjoying themselves not parenting or babysitting ) and my Jr. bridesmaid her parents are invited. Ive been in multiple weddings and so has Fh and we've never heard if a rehearsal dinner you have to attend alone

Wedding party SOs should be invited to rehearsal and wedding regardless of how new or established their relationships are. Single wedding party members should also be given plus ones.

As for duties of a BM- you decided to plan this wedding so it is your and your FHs job to get everything done. Anyone who offers to help is a bonus but no one besides you and your FH should be required to do anything!

JFC, I feel bad for these double-ringers' WPs...

Woah Woah Woah there. I never said that I wanted them as slaves! The things I asked her to do were to make sure she was all taken care of on her end of the wedding so she didn't show up without the dress, or with a dress that didn't fit because she didn't bother to try it on! That's literally all!!! She's offered no help, and I haven't asked her for anything besides checking the dress!!!

You aren't letting your wedding party bring a guest unless they're married?! Holy shit. #cheapskate

@laurak OP said the FMIL is paying and the pseudo SO is invited.

@MNA I'm clapping super loud at your post.

Amber, I agree with you. I've been a bridesmaid 4x and only one time I was given a plus one because well I needed a ride home because I didn't drive, so I brought my mom. The other times I was not because I was single. I did not care, nor was I offended. We are not giving any single wedding party member, or guest, regardless of being family or friend, a plus one if they are single. It is an intimate celebration with close family and long-time friends, and everyone knows each other for years. As for the rehearsal dinner I have no idea if we will even have one, but if we do, it most likely will just be our immediate families. I never was invited to a rehearsal dinner, it was always just their immediate families.

When my now FH's brother got married my FH was his groomsman and we had been dating for almost a year and I was not invited to the rehearsal dinner. It wasn't my place to go since I was not apart of the wedding In that sense. I don't agree with everyone In here who are saying you need to extend the plus one to everyone. It's your wedding conduct it however you please.

@Maren: That just means your FBIL and his wife were rude jerks, who were too cheap to even extend a proper invitation to the people that they are obligated to by etiquette standards.

There are actual rules to this stuff people, it's called etiquette, and it applies to everyone...unless, of course, you're a cat.

Our wedding party are bringing their SO. My FH was in a wedding recently and they didn't "allow" SO's at rehearsal dinner. I thought I was rude.

What you do is invite the SOs of your guests, and be flexible with plus-ones when it comes to wedding party.

@La Grossera, according to your historical definition yes. Thatxs correct. But modern day practices? Google the definition of modern day bridesmaid and get back to me. #themoreyouknowwhenyourealizeitsthe21stcentury & in reply to your later comment about human beings, EVERYONE should be treated like a human being. Which means being civil & supportive & not ditching a family member to drink with friends when said family member asks for help & support. If you can't understand how awful it is to ditch an important event to go drink (which is most likely included in the rehearsal & recpetion so she isn't missing out on alcohol), then I pity your standards on friendships.

@Jay: Evidently you missed the part where I mentioned the Grandmothers financial contribution. Talk to the bride & you'd learn this information. Yes, her grandmother regrets it NOW. 2 weeks before the wedding. Not when the grandmother said "This person needs to be a BM". Hindsight is a fickle thing & my shame is on point so maybe you need to recap how to read since you missed valuable information.

@Nicole H.: Didn't have money to attend the Bachlorette/Bridal shower? Yet she was able to go out & drink? There is no excuse for that. Especially for a FAMILY MEMBER.

@MNA: Excuse me? Hello Mrs. I-Take-Things-Way-Out-Of-Context. SLAVES? Wow. Tacking on to Amber S.'s previous post for a moment, we all see that modern day weddings are stressful. That work, home, family is time consuming and can make planning difficult. Which is why if the bride has simple tasks that she can delegate out to the bridal party, ie picking up craft items from a store in their town & saying she'll pay them back, maybe helping to craft centerpieces or bouquets or boutineers or favors, asking for advice about colors, ideas, etc. THAT is the kind of helpful favors bridesmaids can do. & if the BM cannot do it, sure. The bride will figure it out a different way. But if a bridesmaid has time & opportunity, WHY NOT. You got asked to be a bridesmaid for a reason and in most cases it's because the bride is offering a very special person a place of honor. You don't just ask strangers to BPs. In this case, OP was cocered into it, but the BM doesn't know that. It's not planning an entire wedding for someone else. Your entire rant about not using BMs as slaves was completely out of context & uncalled for. Evidently you need to go back & read the part where the OP asked the difficult BM to TRY ON THE BRIDESMAID DRESS. TRY ON A DRESS. It was THAT simple. Try on a single article of clothing. If you believe that is slave labor, I'd like to refer you to that picture which you "wittily" posted beneath your useless rant about slave labor. Also, if the WP is close friends to the bride & husband, friends help friends out. With anything. Yes, the bride isn't entitled to having those individuals help with everything but as far as friendships go, pretty sure that if you LIKE TH E PERSON, you're going to help them out, BM or not. If your perception of being a friend, especially as one close enough to the bride to be asked to be a bridesmaid, is to just sit there until an event happens, I feel sorry for your friendships.

To all of you entitled brides saying "cheapskate", please learn to read before calling someone out. The MIL is paying for the dinner. The OP didn't want to take more money than she had to from her MIL. She was doing this as a FAVOR to her MIL.

I say shame on the community for not seeking information from the OP such as "Who is paying for the rehearsal dinner?" "Have you already paid for the dinner & is there any opportunity to add in another individual?" "Why do you have someone you don't want in your WP?" "Why did you not say no?" I say shame on the community for assuming everyone is entitled and rich and has money lying around. I say shame on them for calling a bride a cheapskate without finding out more information. That is what I say shame to and that shame is evidently well placed.

I'd like to just say Rachel is the real MVP for being so heated about this thread still in the New Year to bring it back and call out everyone who responded to her at once.

My guest list totals to maybe 30 people. That includes vendor head count and plus ones for the wedding party. The only person who didn't get a plus one is my FSIL who will be turning 17 shortly after the wedding and that's mostly because she told me herself that she wouldn't be bringing a date even if she was seeing someone. If she changes her mind before it's too late then I'll gladly add one more person.

So, the point is you can have an intimate ceremony while giving your wedding party plus ones or if you want it to be truly intimate then don't have a wedding party.

@Jay you verbalized my thoughts perfectly.

And I did google it. This is what it says.